ioncebelieved Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Who out there received an apology from their ex whether it was during the final days or after the dumping was over? Eventually, my bitterness will be over and I will be healed and moved on, but at times I think about the apology I got during our relationship and when it finally was file 13. Regardless how heartfelt and meaningful her apologies might have been, they were still insulting. Some think that an apology makes their bad behavior okay. I guess there is only so much you can say when you have wronged someone, but the hurt gets in the way of you taking the "I am sorrys" at face value. I am not perfect, but I believe people are entitled to a mistake or two, but after that and they apologize, it is hard to accept. It is my problem right now and it does prevent me from healing fully, but that is my right and at the very least it has shown me that boundaries are and will be the up most importance in my future in life and with a relationship.
foxh1234 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Hi, she apologized the last time we met at my place. It was a tearful and heartfelt apology and I really do believe that she was sorry for how things went down. I also think she regrets what she did and her wanting me back demonstrates that. I can forgive alot of things and have in the past but cheating is the deal breaker. Did it make me feel better to finally get an apology ? Not really, it still sucks regardless and it hurts regardless. Apologies are over rated IMO.
Mending1985 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I was the one in the wrong for my breakup so I apologised, but it didn't mean anything. IMO the best way to apologise is just to not make the same mistake again.
Tripped up Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I was the one in the wrong for my breakup so I apologised, but it didn't mean anything. IMO the best way to apologise is just to not make the same mistake again. I agree. I too was to blame with our break-up. At least the end part. She did some horrible things as well, but I to took the outlook of the OP. That is, everyone makes mistakes. But for some, all it takes is one mistake. I would give quite a lot to have her back. But I also understand the lesson I have learned. I will NEVER make the same mistake twice.....
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 At the time of the break up her aplogy to me didnt really mean jack. But after a long time of n/c an out of the blue apology would be helpful to my quest for finding closure.
Author ioncebelieved Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 Hi, she apologized the last time we met at my place. It was a tearful and heartfelt apology and I really do believe that she was sorry for how things went down. I also think she regrets what she did and her wanting me back demonstrates that. I can forgive alot of things and have in the past but cheating is the deal breaker. Did it make me feel better to finally get an apology ? Not really, it still sucks regardless and it hurts regardless. Apologies are over rated IMO. You know Fox, even though you get an apology it just doesn't fix the wrong!!! Goes without saying actions speak louder than words. Like the murderer that tells the grieving family, "I am sorry." Does not make the action forgiven. I believe when my ex gave me apologies on several different occasions, she was TRULY feeling bad and meant it. However, our relationship changed me as a person!! In good ways and bad. Just not quite ready to forgive. I hope you are doing well and I guess you have not heard from your ex????
foxh1234 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 You know Fox, even though you get an apology it just doesn't fix the wrong!!! Goes without saying actions speak louder than words. Like the murderer that tells the grieving family, "I am sorry." Does not make the action forgiven. I believe when my ex gave me apologies on several different occasions, she was TRULY feeling bad and meant it. However, our relationship changed me as a person!! In good ways and bad. Just not quite ready to forgive. I hope you are doing well and I guess you have not heard from your ex???? Hi IOB, I hope you are also doing better. After the last time seeing my ex when she came to my place, I have not seen her but have received 4 hand written letters from her. Each one said pretty much the same things, I'm sorry, let's try again, I've changed, etc........ As I have said before, too much has happened and I can't/won't go back. I have not responded to the letters and I hope they stop coming. I have blocked her from email and phone but I can't stop letters. I have made huge strides in getting over her and I have stopped the second guessing. I still think of her in the mornings and a few times through the day. It has been 5 months and I cannot believe how bad I felt early on. Anyone going through this, it will get better, trust me on that.
wareagle Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I was actually thinking about this today. She hasn't apologized for anything she has done, and I don't think she ever will as in her mind she has done nothing wrong! I was thinking what would I say or do if she did walk up to me and apologize and I can't really say how I would react! I to an still angered by what went down. Not so much that she dumped me! I know she felt she had to do what she felt was the best thing for her, but to not be completely honest with me and tell me she had somebody else waiting in line to take my place is complete horse ****! Then to top it off to go and try and hurt me for a couple months after she broke my heart, AFTER I had gone NC, is totally utter complete bull****!!! So if she actually came up to me with an apology I believe it would only serve the purpose of making her feel better about the way she handled things in the end! I don't think she can truly empathize with the way her words or actions hurt other people!!
Author ioncebelieved Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 So if she actually came up to me with an apology I believe it would only serve the purpose of making her feel better about the way she handled things in the end! I don't think she can truly empathize with the way her words or actions hurt other people!! Exactly!!! After repeating undesirable behavior and being told lies, you do think that the apology is not genuine and it serves ONLY for them to be better than they are! Wareagle, great minds think alike!!!! Even still, when apologies are genuine, it would have been better not to have done something to someone that was great to you!! This thread is more for the dumpee than the dumper. I was a great guy to my ex!!!
df273 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I forgave my ex over a big mistake she made. Low and behold, she decides to make it again 6 months later. After it was over 3 months ago, i found out she was doing **** she shouldnt have been for that entire 6 month period. Funny how things work out, but i for one will never put my dignity aside again.
CaliGuy Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Hi IOB, I hope you are also doing better. After the last time seeing my ex when she came to my place, I have not seen her but have received 4 hand written letters from her. Each one said pretty much the same things, I'm sorry, let's try again, I've changed, etc........ As I have said before, too much has happened and I can't/won't go back. I have not responded to the letters and I hope they stop coming. I have blocked her from email and phone but I can't stop letters. I have made huge strides in getting over her and I have stopped the second guessing. I still think of her in the mornings and a few times through the day. It has been 5 months and I cannot believe how bad I felt early on. Anyone going through this, it will get better, trust me on that. Man dude, she just won't quit. I would write her back and say... "You see how you feel now? Imagine how crushed I was when you commited the worst act possible, cheating on me! Writing letters and continuing to contact me isn't going to make me change my mind. You should have considered what is happening now when you decided to cheat on me. Alas, it's far too late for this now. I don't want any more contact from you." At least, that is what I would do. Not saying you have to, but she just won't quit. You're doing the right thing. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference (ala: ignoring her).
foxh1234 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Man dude, she just won't quit. I would write her back and say... "You see how you feel now? Imagine how crushed I was when you commited the worst act possible, cheating on me! Writing letters and continuing to contact me isn't going to make me change my mind. You should have considered what is happening now when you decided to cheat on me. Alas, it's far too late for this now. I don't want any more contact from you." At least, that is what I would do. Not saying you have to, but she just won't quit. You're doing the right thing. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference (ala: ignoring her). Hi CG, I thought about writing her back but to be honest, it would just open up the channels of communication and that's what I don't want. My silence should speak loud and clear. I think the letters will stop soon. I don't hate her and I told her I forgive her, I just can't be in a relationship with her.
Mending1985 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I just want to say from the side of someone who really hurt a great partner - when we apologise - we really mean it. My apologies were never to make me feel better, because I could never feel better about the things I did, but to let him know that I was aware of what I did, and that I was sorry for hurting him. The apologies didn't mean anything to him at the time, but he's forgiven me now because he knows I am deeply sorry and will never make the same mistake again in any relationship. I understand being angry at someone for hurting you/treating you like sh*t/lying etc. but yeah, from that side, my apologies were never selfish.
Author ioncebelieved Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 I just want to say from the side of someone who really hurt a great partner - when we apologise - we really mean it. My apologies were never to make me feel better, because I could never feel better about the things I did, but to let him know that I was aware of what I did, and that I was sorry for hurting him. The apologies didn't mean anything to him at the time, but he's forgiven me now because he knows I am deeply sorry and will never make the same mistake again in any relationship. I understand being angry at someone for hurting you/treating you like sh*t/lying etc. but yeah, from that side, my apologies were never selfish. I appreciate you chiming in from the Dumper point. I never wanted an apology, I just wanted her to do right by me. Not much to ask for, but it is what it is! Her apology would be accepted by me if she broke down and laid everything on the line for me and showed that I was the man for her.
citizen67 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I agree that apologies don't all of a sudden make the wrongful acts ok, but I also agree that it is helpful to know that someone at least cares that you were hurt by what they did. My ex's lack of empathy in the face of his betrayal has been shocking
Melrapuo Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 The apology I received tonight sure didn't feel heartfelt. I can picture her saying it, and know that she's just responding more because she felt like she had to or something. Feels rather empty when you go from being in love with each other to mere acquaintances.
Author ioncebelieved Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 The apology I received tonight sure didn't feel heartfelt. I can picture her saying it, and know that she's just responding more because she felt like she had to or something. Feels rather empty when you go from being in love with each other to mere acquaintances. Or better yet: Sorry is found in the dictionary between s h i t and suicide!!! Spot on!! By saying sorry does not grant automatic forgiveness on your part!!! Hell with the apologies, you have already used your 2 strikes.
Mending1985 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Or better yet: Sorry is found in the dictionary between s h i t and suicide!!! Spot on!! By saying sorry does not grant automatic forgiveness on your part!!! Hell with the apologies, you have already used your 2 strikes. My ex used to say that to me, he also used to say sympathy is found in the dictionary between sh*t and syphillis lol When my first boyfriend betrayed me, he apologisedup and down and all over the place and I never believed him. When he tracked me down 4 years later and apologised AGAIN, I finally believed him. And then I found out he's still sleeping around, and cheating on his girlfriends, so his apology meant jack because he hadn't learnt a damn thing.
WiseOne1 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Hi CG, I thought about writing her back but to be honest, it would just open up the channels of communication and that's what I don't want. My silence should speak loud and clear. I think the letters will stop soon. I don't hate her and I told her I forgive her, I just can't be in a relationship with her.. So how far does she spread these letters out? I think you should write her back and explain to her to give up, then again silence is stronger. I understand how you feel though, you probably would have tooken her back under any other circumstances, but cheating is a deal breaker. Before someone cheats they should think about the what if's as in what if I want that person back.
0hpenelope Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 The thing about an apology from an ex is... It works for some, it doesn't work for others. Especially when it's not backed up by actions. I cried my river, I built my bridge, I'm getting over it.
foxh1234 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 . So how far does she spread these letters out? I think you should write her back and explain to her to give up, then again silence is stronger. I understand how you feel though, you probably would have tooken her back under any other circumstances, but cheating is a deal breaker. Before someone cheats they should think about the what if's as in what if I want that person back. Hi WO, I got two letters one week and two the next. Nothing this past week. I really just want to move forward and put this past 6 months behind me. She knows I won't take her back, I don't know why she is sending the letters.
Nevermind Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 He never apologized. He said, I am sorry, initially. But the way he said it was all about himself. Most of you know my story. I was strung along in every way possible. I can't forgive myself for that. In the very end I insulted him, called him a monster, and he left me alone for good. I actually want to apologize for that last thing. For the insult I threw at him. And yet I know that he wouldn't accept it. And maybe he shouldn't. Verbal abuse is never okay. I became what I called him that day. I might apologize, to forgive myself. Is that selfish? His apologies to me meant nothing because they were not sincere, nor heartfelt, nor did they last for more than 24 hours. He doesn't understand true remorse. If he apologized and be sincere about it...it would mean a lot to me. But I know his limits. It's nearly 4 months now. I am not waiting any more. NM Half happy, half sad
Ingenue Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I think an apology would be meaningful only if the giver of the apology truly felt it. There's apologising for the sake of apology and apologising because of genuine remorse and reflection. I believe the latter only comes with time, distance and some serious introspection. I would appreciate an apology from my ex for breaking up with me via email. But I doubt that he understands why an apology is needed. Until he genuinely understands why an apology is needed, I don't think it's worth hearing one.
wareagle Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Until he genuinely understands why an apology is needed, I don't think it's worth hearing one. Couldn't have said it better myself!!!!! Only in my case it's a she!! HaHa!!
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