AJ1986 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 So here is my story. I met this girl, and we started talking, because she was taken at the time, but her boyfriend was/is gone out of state for a long while, probably around a year-ish he's suppost to be gone. Well we started hanging out, and what not, and a little while later he broke up with her. So i just kind of helped her deal with it and what not, took care of her. Well, after they split, we both knew there was something there, and it slowly started getting more and more intimate. Eventually we went the whole 9 yards. But shortly after that, she was talking about how we met at such bad timing and whatever, but we just kept it going, seeing where it leads. She said she just wants to date and whatever and I said it was fine, it's normal, we aren't in a committed relationship, but I told her if she sleeps with anyone else then to consider me gone. She dated around for a little bit, and now called everything off with them. I still stay the night at her place all the time, and help her with random nonsense, and we both know there is something there, we still have fun, flirt, all the normal things that go on. Im just trying to not be too posessive and let her do her thing kind of, but I know im the closest with her out of anyone she has or had talked to. So now, im still kind of going at this pace. I see her a lot, we have fun, be intimate every now and again, but she just isnt ready to hop back into a relationship I guess. I know it sounds like the normal head game bullcrap, but we talk about it a lot, and I honestly believe her that she just needs to figure her head out, but who knows how long its going to take. Am I just wishful thinking? We're very very close. It's not just a random call and hang out, hop into bed and leave type thing. Regardless of all of that were the best of friends. My question is if I should wait? Or just leave? I constantly weigh the pro's and con's of them but cant come to a conclusion, any help is appreciated.
Balthazar Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I think you are being much too accommodating. She wants to date other guys but has no problems being intimate with you? I understand you two have a "free" relationship, it's just that I never believed such relationship were very strong. You say she needs time to figure stuff out? What is there to figure out exactly? I would advise you to either steer this relationship in the direction you want it to go or leave in search of greener pastures. Your present sitution seems very unsatisfying. CHeers,
Author AJ1986 Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Well, shes just dealing with a lot from moving her ex's things out, and school starting, I can tell shes not in the best situation to share herself with anyone, and I've been there I respect that. Even if it seems like minimal problems to me, her problems and pain is all she knows, you know? You're right about the free relationship thing, its pretty much a relationship with out the title. Shes not talking to anyone else anymore, and neither am I. She knows she can call me for anything any time, and I know she would do the same for me. I know she cares, a lot, but thats about it. I know she knows what we have is pretty much a relationship, but I think the title and just jumping back into it scares her.
LionLover Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Aside from what you "think" she wants, what is it that YOU want?
Balthazar Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Well, shes just dealing with a lot from moving her ex's things out, and school starting, I can tell shes not in the best situation to share herself with anyone, and I've been there I respect that. Even if it seems like minimal problems to me, her problems and pain is all she knows, you know? You're right about the free relationship thing, its pretty much a relationship with out the title. Shes not talking to anyone else anymore, and neither am I. She knows she can call me for anything any time, and I know she would do the same for me. I know she cares, a lot, but thats about it. I know she knows what we have is pretty much a relationship, but I think the title and just jumping back into it scares her. I will share my experiences with you in the hope you find them helpful. Relationships where the guy is all sensitive and caters to the woman's whims do not work out well. Your GF may think you are sweet/helpful/sensitive, but you need to assert yourself and your needs in the relationship. It can't just be about what she requires; you have to look out for yourself too. Listen to LionLover said. It is 100% true. Remember, women do not appreciate doormat behavior in men.
Author AJ1986 Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 She knows im not a pushover, and that im not going to stand for too much bullsh** from her. Which is why we are always making sure we are on the same page, and talking about it fairly often
LionLover Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 she just isnt ready to hop back into a relationship I guess. You "guess" or has she said flat out said "I am not ready for a relationship with you". She knows im not a pushover, and that im not going to stand for too much bullsh** from her. Which is why we are always making sure we are on the same page, and talking about it fairly often Yes you shouldn't have to. You can both be there for each other without having to sacrifice your own needs. My question is if I should wait? Or just leave? That depends on what YOU want. No one can make that decision for you. I don't know how long you two have been seeing each other, but two people should start to know after a period of time or through circumstances, whether or not the person is someone they want to commit to.
gfto Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 She knows im not a pushover, and that im not going to stand for too much bullsh** from her. Respectfully, AJ, you ARE being a pushover. If you don't believe me, quit helping her with all this random stuff, and say "no" the next time she asks you to do something, and see what happens!
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