LateBloomer Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Even though it's been more than a month since breakup and both I've grown quite a bit as a person as well as processed a great deal about what happened (still need to remind myself often) ... I still pine for the past and remember mostly the good times. I think in 12 step programs they call it "euphoric recollection." I've read from a few people on these forums that guys have a tendency to put women on a pedestal post breakup, etc... Curious to know if anyone has some additional tips to dodge this kind of thing. For some reason, my heart forgets some of the condescending attitude, scolding, criticism, and in the end insensitivity and unwillingness to work on something that could have been magical. I already do much of the following: - list of her negative traits - why she and I can't be friends - re-read journal logging all that I've processed, including memories of the not-so-good times - talk it out with very good and wise friends - exercise, and all that other good stuff Maybe I'm just hitting a little rough spot today, which I guess is to be expected. There are often seemingly tons of triggers for this stuff, especially things that remind me of her, and specifically anything having to do with the deep wounds she suffered.
Mending1985 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Wow, I have that too. The memories that come on like a tidal wave and smash you right in the stomach once you remember you won't have that again. I try to train my brain, that when i start remembering I thinnk of something else, I call a friend, I go do something. Sometimes it gets the better of me, and I remind myself that it's not like I'll never have that again with someone else. My ex said to me last night, that with time away from someone, you start to only remember the good times, it's easy to forget the bad things and that is SOOO true. It's why time and space work, but it's hard as hell being stuck with all the "good" things. Be grateful for the good memories, that you are capable of love, and capable of feeling joy, and know that you will feel it again one day.
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I think its thanking the lord that we were able to experience an intense relationship, and thankful that at one point that woman was in my life and made eachother happy for that now frozen time in history. I think that helps me deal. kinda like better to have loved than not loved at all.
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