sumdude Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 So I took three weeks of vacation. No plan for the first two weeks.. Just ended week one. Too much time to myself, too much time to think.. It's been a year and a half since she left me and a year since the divorce was final. The last three days she has been on my mind more than in a long time. I've been feeling it, missing what we had. I so miss having that someone in my life I can always talk to, do things with and just exist with. I dont get myself sometimes.. I have a social life, friends I see here and there. On the outside my life is pretty good. But here I am at 40... things are different than when I was last single. Almost everyone I know has thier lives and loves. Just finding a traveling partner for the weekend seems impossiible. I know I can do things on my own but it feels kind of empty when there's no one to share it all with. Yeah... I know, a bit of feeling sorry for myself here. Hey no one's perfect... Truth is.. I guess I just don't let go easily. A double edged sword, it means I truly loved her for all her faults. It means I feel deeply, every high and every low. It's how I'm made. I know that somewhere there's a great woman maybe feeling just like I do right now. One day we'll meet and we'll both not let go easily. For now I'm still relearning how to live solo and be happy with it.
journey1 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Believe me, I feel the same way. I am 29 and almost married the man I fought so hard for. But then I realized, I did all the fighting for us to be together and he sort of was there when he wanted to be there (emotionally) I am learning that I am more scared of being alone and never finding that feeling again more than I am sad about losing someone who didnt love me quite the way I did for him. I am one who spends tons of time alone, I know how to be alone and enjoy solitude, but it is time that i find another to spend my everyday happiness with. I know what you mean about the world around you being happy. I guess we need to stay posititve and rememerb how we were before the significant other and think back to how we met them and that we can have that again with someone new. I know that idea sounds horrifying because it is not the person we miss who we will ever be with again!!! I am going to adopt a dog from a shelter and save a life and maybe the dog will save mine as well... You a dog or animal lover in general?? Maybe a little companionship wouldnt hurt.
sedgwick Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I know exactly how you feel. I'm 37 and it really seems like I missed the boat, like I lost my last chance when my ex went away 13 months ago. I miss him terribly. I miss taking road trips with him. I enjoyed being with him so much, had such a great time just sharing the day-to-day stuff...it makes me sad that he's happier without that. Ah well...I guess I just have to find a way to be happy on my own. I'm not expecting to ever find anyone to try this with again.
replicator Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Nothing we can do, but realize that time is passing us by. We have endured a great loss, and in my case betrayed by the one I loved most. Ten years of togetherness, gone in one day. Losing the one you love is exceptionally difficult. They are alive and breathing, but for whatever reason, we/they can't be with us. When we are faced with a difficult situation, one that we have no control over, we need to strive to rise above it. We have an opportunity in how we choose to suffer. We have the choice to decide how we want to live our lives. Don't let the loss of love result in a loss of meaning or direction in your life. I'm struggling with this the most, and I'm trying to figure out what it is I want - as all roads seem to lead to her. Now, I can only rebuild my life, and hope that along the way, happiness will show itself again.
Author sumdude Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 It really is all about fear isn't it? Will I ever feel that way again? Trust another again? Was I unworthy? Usually I've had a half decent handle on my negative thinking but this free time kind of brought it back.. Plus this is the hard stage where the poeple around me are done with it so I don't talk about it anymore. I don't blame them, it just happens. A few bad days, they will pass, life will go on and hope still has a foothold.
Author sumdude Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Don't let the loss of love result in a loss of meaning or direction in your life. I'm struggling with this the most, and I'm trying to figure out what it is I want - as all roads seem to lead to her. Now, I can only rebuild my life, and hope that along the way, happiness will show itself again. Yes, that's a big part of what I've going through too. The big "So now what do I do?"
Grace112 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 It's funny. When we first got together, I was an LA party girl - out almost every night at all the "right" clubs, being seeing with the "right people. He was a homebody - he enjoyed relaxing on the couch at home watching tv or listening to music. One of the first things I wanted to do when he left was go out again. Last night was one of those nights - dressed up, out with the girls. Funny thing was that halfway through the night, all I wanted to do was go home and curl up with him. And now I just can't. I know he would've done something to hurt me even more eventually, but when I'm lonely like I am now, it's like all the bad stuff never existed and all I have are the good memories haunting me and taunting me with what I've lost.
JooLee Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 grace 112- i so feel you. i was the same as you and i feel the same as you. at the end of the day nothing beats the feeling that you have someone to come home to. but at least i think im missing the companionship more than him. time to find someone new?
Mending1985 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 When my ex and I got together I wasyoung and not in the "settling down" mindset so I made lots of mistakes. And now, I wonder if I'll be punished for that. And I figure if I don't let go of him, I don't have to face the reality of being alone, and possibly never finding someone as wonderful has him because that's my punishment. Everyone tells me just take each day as it comes and work through that. I guess thats the only way to let go.
LateBloomer Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 And I actually never like hearing all that "it was meant for a reason" and "what will be will be" and "you'll be happy one day." Yet I also think there are small kernels of truth in all that. Failed relationships are REAL chances to grow. I think that's the most important thing you can do. On some level, something wasn't right and you ended up with someone who didn't resonate on at least some level. Sure, it's way more complicated than that. She or he may not have been ready, neither may you have been, etc... I wouldn't let age be a downer. Think of all the people in their 40s and 50s going through divorce! Better to take more time finding a soul mate now. Better to take time to become more self aware ... to become more "self." It may even sound a bit cheesy or new agey. But the simple fact of the matter is that we as humans have the unique ability to really change ourselves in whatever manner we like. Age doesn't matter. It's more about resolve. If there's a life you want and perhaps a person (or kind of person) you'd like to have in it ... try to see the thousands of little steps you need to take to get there (they may not all be linear) and just start taking them. When the memories and sadness come, just hold on. Use whatever techniques you have to weather the storm. I find journals and writing things down very helpful. Thoughts refined over time can be quite illuminating. I keep a cheat sheet of "things to remember" these days which helps snap my heart back into shape when I start missing my ex.
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