Is it weird to contact her friends...if....

[Bells]

Okay, I met this woman at a party, and I got her number and we got to know each other a bit, went out for coffee one time, and asked if she'd like to do it again.

 

DUring that time she was telling me about her other single unattached friends and thier current dating situations....apparently she told me some of them were members of a dating site that I had been a member of as well. I looked them up, and sure enough they were there.

 

Anyways, I found out she had a MySpace account, and she told me about it....and I asked if I could add her to my friends list...and she said Sure...Anyways...to cut to the chase....I think she's been blowing me off for dating.

 

However, her unattached friends....who have dating profiles up and such, I am thinking of contacting her friends to get to know them a bit....now personally, I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with this...because after all she's blowing me off...and as they say, one door closes, another one opens.

 

But, I'm kind of on the fence about wether or not its tacky to do this....first of all, I'm more leaning to thinking ther'es nothing wrong with ti actually.

 

But what do you think?

 

Contacting her other unattached friends cool?

[nopainnogain]

Of course big pimpin.

 

Get at her friends and her intrest level will rise and so will everyone elses. dont put your eggs in one basket.

 

you need hos to get hos.

 

good luck

[JoeNewbie]

Hmmm... I think you would weird everyone out.

 

I personally wouldn't do this unless your friend invites her friends over for a group thing - then you can add them to your profile or whatever.

[whichwayisup]

....and I asked if I could add her to my friends list...and she said Sure...Anyways...to cut to the chase....I think she's been blowing me off for dating.

Big mistake. When you first meet someone you like, get to know them the old fashioned way! Phonecalls and dating! Not the online thing. All that does is push you into another zone and makes it not as real as it could be.

 

Just ask her out, tell her you'd love to take her to a dinner and a movie. Ask by phone. If she says no, then back off and wait till she calls you. If she leaves you a note online, CALL her back, don't write her back.

[Bells]

Big mistake. When you first meet someone you like, get to know them the old fashioned way! Phonecalls and dating! Not the online thing. All that does is push you into another zone and makes it not as real as it could be.

 

Just ask her out, tell her you'd love to take her to a dinner and a movie. Ask by phone. If she says no, then back off and wait till she calls you. If she leaves you a note online, CALL her back, don't write her back.

 

Oh , I do the phone call thing...as well. But that's not what this post is about.

[norajane]

That's a little creepy and a bit stalkerish. While it's true they have dating profiles up for anyone to see, you obviously never ran across them until after you looked them up and only after you saw who they were based on the girls myspace.

 

Regardless, she's likely told all her friends all about you and why she's not dating you, because girls talk about that stuff. Consider that she told you all about her friends and their dating situations - what makes you think she's not even MORE open with her friends about her love life? Her friends aren't going to be interested in you. You'll just come across as a desperate, creepy, stalkerish loser if you contact them online.

[JoeNewbie]

That's a little creepy and a bit stalkerish. While it's true they have dating profiles up for anyone to see, you obviously never ran across them until after you looked them up and only after you saw who they were based on the girls myspace.

 

Regardless, she's likely told all her friends all about you and why she's not dating you, because girls talk about that stuff. Consider that she told you all about her friends and their dating situations - what makes you think she's not even MORE open with her friends about her love life? Her friends aren't going to be interested in you. You'll just come across as a desperate, creepy, stalkerish loser if you contact them online.

 

My thoughts exactly.

[Bells]

That's a little creepy and a bit stalkerish. While it's true they have dating profiles up for anyone to see, you obviously never ran across them until after you looked them up and only after you saw who they were based on the girls myspace.

 

Regardless, she's likely told all her friends all about you and why she's not dating you, because girls talk about that stuff. Consider that she told you all about her friends and their dating situations - what makes you think she's not even MORE open with her friends about her love life? Her friends aren't going to be interested in you. You'll just come across as a desperate, creepy, stalkerish loser if you contact them online.

 

Well, one of her friends is a local singer at small restaurants and such around here, she mentioned that she stopped dating a guy recently...and she asked that I go check out her website youtube videos....I saw her sing, she does real well.

 

Then I just noticed she placed an ad on a dating site...how would contacting her on there be considered creepy?

 

I'm starting to notice, alot women find anything a man does....is creepy...IF she's not interested.

 

If she's interested, then it's a diff. story, right? Heck, I've heard that if it doesn't work out between a man and a woman, hey at least you can get with her friends, right?

 

Can't a man do ANYTHING to approach a woman without seeming "Creepy"..I'm starting to think not.

[JoeNewbie]

Well, one of her friends is a local singer at small restaurants and such around here, she mentioned that she stopped dating a guy recently...and she asked that I go check out her website youtube videos....I saw her sing, she does real well.

 

Then I just noticed she placed an ad on a dating site...how would contacting her on there be considered creepy?

 

I'm starting to notice, alot women find anything a man does....is creepy...IF she's not interested.

 

If she's interested, then it's a diff. story, right?

 

Listen, this is not even borderline - it is creepy indeed. Take it from another guy.

[Star Gazer]

That's a little creepy and a bit stalkerish. While it's true they have dating profiles up for anyone to see, you obviously never ran across them until after you looked them up and only after you saw who they were based on the girls myspace.

 

Regardless, she's likely told all her friends all about you and why she's not dating you, because girls talk about that stuff. Consider that she told you all about her friends and their dating situations - what makes you think she's not even MORE open with her friends about her love life? Her friends aren't going to be interested in you. You'll just come across as a desperate, creepy, stalkerish loser if you contact them online.

 

I completely agree with every word above. Knowing that they're friends, you just can't go there...

 

Also, I accidentally started corresponding with a guy who had once briefly dated one of my girlfriends (i.e., about two dates, nothing serious or anything). Once he saw her in my pictures, he immediately ended things because of how weird he thought the situation was....and he didn't even know about me, or come looking for me (as you would be doing). He did the right thing, I think.

[Bells]

I completely agree with every word above. Knowing that they're friends, you just can't go there...

 

Also, I accidentally started corresponding with a guy who had once briefly dated one of my girlfriends (i.e., about two dates, nothing serious or anything). Once he saw her in my pictures, he immediately ended things because of how weird he thought the situation was....and he didn't even know about me, or come looking for me (as you would be doing). He did the right thing, I think.

 

What a wuss.

 

I'm starting to see why alot of people are chronically single. I guess I'm one of those guys that can suck it up.

 

It would be one thing, he he dated her seriously..I suppose...but this woman, I never really "officially" went out with her....cept for the spur of the moment coffee thing. Then she kept blowing me off.

[JoeNewbie]

What a wuss.

 

I'm starting to see why alot of people are chronically single. I guess I'm one of those guys that can suck it up.

 

It would be one thing, he he dated her seriously..I suppose...but this woman, I never really "officially" went out with her....cept for the spur of the moment coffee thing. Then she kept blowing me off.

 

Do whatever feels right to you - but you should be aware that you are starting out with at least two strikes against you.

[Star Gazer]

You're BRAND NEW and already know that LS women find a lot of behavior "creepy"? Okay... so you're another poster posting under a new name.

 

Unfortunately, YES. There are a lot of behaviors that are creepy. MySpace/Internet Dating Site stalking/trolling for women who are friends with a woman who may or may not have blown you off "for dating" is creepy.

 

As for this situation, here's the rule. Basically, once you've dated a woman - however casually - you've basically lot the entire pool of that woman's friends...at least for a LONG time.

[Bells]

Do whatever feels right to you - but you should be aware that you are starting out with at least two strikes against you.

 

What are the 2 strikes?

[Bells]

You're BRAND NEW and already know that LS women find a lot of behavior "creepy"? Okay... so you're another poster posting under a new name.

 

Unfortunately, YES. There are a lot of behaviors that are creepy. MySpace/Internet Dating Site stalking/trolling for women who are friends with a woman who may or may not have blown you off "for dating" is creepy.

 

As for this situation, here's the rule. Basically, once you've dated a woman - however casually - you've basically lot the entire pool of that woman's friends...at least for a LONG time.

 

Um...not referring to just LS women exclusively...I'm talking about single women in general.

 

What is "lot" the entire pool of women's friends?

 

It's like you have to be TOTAL strangers with someone, in order to date them..what sense is that??

[JoeNewbie]

What are the 2 strikes?

 

You already tried with their friend and she already blew you off.

[Bells]

You already tried with their friend and she already blew you off.

 

 

No, I did not...just with the one person..I'm thinking about talking to her other single friends.

[Star Gazer]

It would be one thing, he he dated her seriously..I suppose...but this woman, I never really "officially" went out with her....cept for the spur of the moment coffee thing. Then she kept blowing me off.

 

Scene:

 

A woman's cell phone rings/buzzes while at table out for happy hour with two girlfriends.

 

Girl you dated (#1): "OMG, you remember that guy I told you about that I met for coffee?"

 

Friend #2, Friend #3 in unison: "Yeah?"

 

Girl #1: "He's calling/texting me to ask me out AGAIN. I've totally been blowing him off. It's been four times now!! Can he not get the hint? HELL-LOOOOO!"

 

Girl #2: "He's the one who [insert red flag/dating flaw/weird personality trait here], right?"

 

Girl #1: "Oh yeah. And now he's contacted me [insert number] of times, without me calling him back..."

 

Girl #3: "Eeeew, can we say desperate? How hard up can the guy be for a date?"

 

All in unison: "DESPERATE!"

 

End scene.

 

----

 

A week later, the girls get back together for brunch.

 

Girl #2: "OMG Girl #1, remember that guy you met for coffee?"

 

Girl #3: "OMG yes! Remember that guy? You wouldn't believe this, but he contacted me on MySpace/Dating Site and has TOTALLY been hitting on me!"

 

Girl #2: "That's exactly what I was going to say!"

 

Girl #1: "You mean he's been hitting on BOTH of you? He TOTALLY knows that you're MY friends. I was talking about you guys while trying to make conversaton."

 

Girl #3: "Guys can be SUCH CREEPS sometimes!"

 

Girl #2: "What, does he think he'd be able to date ALL of us and get away with it?"

 

All in unison: "LOSER!"

 

And they clink their mimosas and have a laugh.

[Bells]

Scene:

 

A woman's cell phone rings/buzzes while at table out for happy hour with two girlfriends.

 

Girl you dated (#1): "OMG, you remember that guy I told you about that I met for coffee?"

 

Friend #2, Friend #3 in unison: "Yeah?"

 

Girl #1: "He's calling/texting me out AGAIN. I've totally been blowing him off. It's been four times now!! Can he not get the hint? HELL-LOOOOO!"

 

Girl #2: "He's the one who [insert red flag/dating flaw/weird personality trait here], right?"

 

Girl #1: "Oh yeah. And now he's contacted me [insert number] of times, without me calling him back..."

 

Girl #3: "Eeeew, can we say desperate? How hard up can the guy be for a date?"

 

All in unison: "DESPERATE!"

 

End scene.

 

----

 

A week later, the girls get back together for brunch.

 

Girl #2: "OMG Girl #1, remember that guy you met for coffee?"

 

Girl #3: "OMG yes! Remember that guy? You wouldn't believe this, but he contacted me on MySpace/Dating Site and has TOTALLY been hitting on me!"

 

Girl #2: "That's exactly what I was going to say!"

 

Girl #1: "You mean he's been hitting on BOTH of you? He TOTALLY knows that you're MY friends. I was talking about you guys while trying to make conversaton."

 

Girl #3: "Guys can be SUCH CREEPS sometimes!"

 

Girl #2: "What, does he think he'd be able to date ALL of us and get away with it?"

 

All in unison: "LOSER!"

 

And they clink their mimosas and have a laugh.

 

I can tell you watch too much Sex and the City. LOL! You probably had some nice guy ask you out, you agree to date him, and probably even stood some guys up right...then laugh at your friends about it, when you "clink your mimosas" at the age of 65, and no man, right?

 

Imagine how many single women are getting a laugh at a single man's expense.

 

But, in my case...I don't make numerous calls.

 

I never call women numerous times like that...if she's doing that...then she's just lying to her friends.

 

In my case , I don't call her numerous times. I mean , if she says "Yes, I'll go out with you" , then says she'll call you at a certain time to make arrangements about where to meet...and doesn't call....that's like standing me up. She's been playing games with me obviously. Of course, she'll make up a story to make her smell like roses.

 

So changes are, if she's saying what she's saying in the dialogue...she's just trying to make me look bad, and of course, she'd be talking about me behind my back, when I can't defend myself.

[LionLover]

Yes its tacky! Why would you even consider going behind her back and start contacting her friends that way? Seems like your willing to open up a big can of worms that way. If you belong to a dating website, then how about contacting women who have no attachement to her, wtf is wrong with you?

 

I would tell my friends you were a pile of scum & they'd agree w/me.

[Star Gazer]

I can tell you watch too much Sex and the City. LOL! You probably had some nice guy ask you out, you agree to date him, and probably even stood some guys up right...then laugh at your friends about it, when you "clink your mimosas" at the age of 65, and no man, right?

 

Imagine how many single women are getting a laugh at a single man's expense.

 

But, in my case...I don't make numerous calls.

 

I never call women numerous times like that...if she's doing that...then she's just lying to her friends.

 

In my case , I don't call her numerous times. I mean , if she says "Yes, I'll go out with you" , then says she'll call you at a certain time to make arrangements about where to meet...and doesn't call....that's like standing me up. She's been playing games with me obviously. Of course, she'll make up a story to make her smell like roses.

 

So changes are, if she's saying what she's saying in the dialogue...she's just trying to make me look bad, and of course, she'd be talking about me behind my back, when I can't defend myself.

 

Whether or not I am single is of no relevance to YOUR behavior.

 

That said, I don't watch too much Sex and the City. Every woman I know has a tight group of girlfriends they share their lives with. Women DO talk to one another about who they're dating, even if casually. I guarantee you that if the women you met up with hasn't discussed you in detail with her friends yet, she will as soon as her other friends bring up "the guy who contacted them" on MS or on the dating site.

 

You said she KEPT blowing you off. That implies you made more than one failed attempt.

 

Most importantly, you're questioning whether it's "okay" to do this while totally avoiding how the women you'd be contacting will react. Isn't their reaction what's important here? I'm telling you how they WILL react.

 

Go ahead and do this...IF you want to look like a desperate fool.

 

Also, you're wasting your time "asking for advice" if your only goal is to argue against the unanimous consensus. LS is a place to find advice and support, not a place for you to get on a soap box about SATC's effects on women.

[Bells]

Yes its tacky! Why would you even consider going behind her back and start contacting her friends that way? Seems like your willing to open up a big can of worms that way. If you belong to a dating website, then how about contacting women who have no attachement to her, wtf is wrong with you?

 

I would tell my friends you were a pile of scum & they'd agree w/me.

 

Seriously, give me ONE good reason....why is this a bad thing....

 

I am trying to think of reasons...the only one I can think of i s.....

 

"Association".

 

Nothing more, I can't think of anything else. lol

 

Think about it, just by being that woman's friend....OR for that matter...KNOWING that you're the friend of that person...makes them off limits?

 

1. She's available

2. She's single

 

Why not? What's the WORST that could happen? They say "No" right?

 

What if I NEVER Knew that woman in my life...we started dating for a 6 months..then all of a sudden, I found out later she is friends with a woman I went on one date with?

 

Should I end a perfectly well establsihed relationship over that reason alone?

 

I bet you money that decent relationships started when someone started dating someone elses friend.

[JoeNewbie]

You came here asking for advice but it seems like you already have a firm opinion on the matter. Everyone's answer is pretty much similar but yet you remain convinced that it's a cool thing to do.

 

Go nuts. Go ahead and contact them all.

[Star Gazer]

*Shrug*

 

Whether YOU think it's not a bad thing doesn't really matter, now does it? What matters is what the friends will think. I guarantee you that they'll find it creepy, desperate, and just plain weird.

 

You'll be wasting your time while making yourself look like a complete buffoon.

[Bells]

*Shrug*

 

Whether YOU think it's not a bad thing doesn't really matter, now does it? What matters is what the friends will think. I guarantee you that they'll find it creepy, desperate, and just plain weird.

 

You'll be wasting your time while making yourself look like a complete buffoon.

 

And single women wonder why...well...they're chronically single.