Jase1976 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Hi im 32 I met my wife when I was 24 I was going through some serious mental health issues at the time and family problems big family problems, and was medicated to the hilt eg clinical depression Im no longer on meds but still have the depression. I had regrests about going out with my wife after two weeks and (i admit its bad) but i smsd her that I wanted out of the relationship. Anyway one of her friends rang me and gave me a big guilt trip story about how upset she was so I went around to see her and felt sorry for her (she was my first girlfriend). Anyway I got a little drunk one night and euphorically asked her to marry me which I regretted immediately 4 years later we got married. I have ever since been telling her that I want her to leave me. I have just made a big mistake and im scared that Im gonna die unhappy, I want the best for her she just doesnt do it for me. I dont at the same time want to hurt her but I have because im angry with her for not letting me go so its affecting my happiness and I take it out by lashing out at her all the time verbally. Which in turn is making me feel more and more helpless. Everytime i have mentioned i want to leave she says I couldnt live without you and makes me feel so bad I hate it. I have to admit i have cheated on her im not proud but I feel angry that she isnt letting me go so I can live my life.
sedgwick Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 How is she keeping you from leaving? If you're not chained in a basement with a gun to your head, you can leave. If you asked her to marry you, regretted it immediately, but then FOUR YEARS LATER married her...what on earth happened there? It sounds as though you have no will of your own!
Author Jase1976 Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Its goes back to my childhood eg bad father bad mother religious fanatics and no love in family. EG JWs but psycho @@#@
onelastchance Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 There is no magic bullet to solve the situation that you have created. Either way, one of you is going to be unhappy. Have you told her about the affairs? Have you sat down and talked with her about what she really wants out of the relationship? There are some people that just want to be "married" and a divorce is not an option because they think that society (aka their family and friends) will reject them. I don't know if this applies to your wife since I haven't had the chance to talk with her. My advise would be to tell her how you feel (right now, I wouldn't mention the affairs yet) and find out what she really wants out of the relationship she has with you right now. You may find out that she is miserable but she doesn't want to go through the process of getting a divorce. The most important thing is to start trusting each other again. If after talking with her you still want out and she puts you on this guilt trip, then tell her about the affairs. You said it yourself, you want out. What do you have to lose? Good luck...let us know how it turns out!
Pink711 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I'm probably not the best person to give advice, but I feel that if these kinds of things have been going on for a while and you marriage was based on a lie from the beginning then it's only hurting both of you to stay together.
TrustInYourself Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Hi im 32 I met my wife when I was 24 I was going through some serious mental health issues at the time and family problems big family problems, and was medicated to the hilt eg clinical depression Im no longer on meds but still have the depression. I had regrests about going out with my wife after two weeks and (i admit its bad) but i smsd her that I wanted out of the relationship. Anyway one of her friends rang me and gave me a big guilt trip story about how upset she was so I went around to see her and felt sorry for her (she was my first girlfriend). Anyway I got a little drunk one night and euphorically asked her to marry me which I regretted immediately 4 years later we got married. I have ever since been telling her that I want her to leave me. I have just made a big mistake and im scared that Im gonna die unhappy, I want the best for her she just doesnt do it for me. I dont at the same time want to hurt her but I have because im angry with her for not letting me go so its affecting my happiness and I take it out by lashing out at her all the time verbally. Which in turn is making me feel more and more helpless. Everytime i have mentioned i want to leave she says I couldnt live without you and makes me feel so bad I hate it. I have to admit i have cheated on her im not proud but I feel angry that she isnt letting me go so I can live my life. So what are you doing about it? You should either be working it out, or getting out. Make up your mind about what you want. Stop being passive aggressive and punishing your wife for your mistakes. She deserves someone who loves her. Don't you think you deserve the same? Take charge of your life. Stop being the victim.
Author Jase1976 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 I know this but I think im scared of letting go because well I have no support system in place for myself. Im also worried about her health and well being. she is a really nice person tries to do everything to please me although I have said repeatedly that I didnt marry someone for them to wait on me. I have these discussions with her that I want to break up with her and of course she gets really upset and I feel like **** and around it goes till the next blow up its not healthy I know.
pelicanpreacher Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Have you disclosed the fact that you have cheated on her and why? You need to look deeply within yourself to determine if you are suitable to have a relationship with ANYBODY! You've been walking through this world selling your charms and playing your "angst card" for any ear that will hear just so you can get close enough to bring somebody (anybody) down to your level for your attitude says "If I'm miserable then the world should be miserable too"! If I have any advise for you I'd have to say "GROW UP"!
Author Jase1976 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Hey if thats what floats your boat who am I to judge. Obviously your no fing expert either so back off.
Author Jase1976 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 what sort of a cockhead posts a message like that anyway **** off. I never tried to post my charms I thought at the time I was making the right decision obviously I was wrong and obviously I didnt have hindsight. Let me get personal with you now, unless you have the balls to back up your words go and **** yourself:)
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