samsungxoxo Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Well not for me. I don't see why on earth many women go on crying on how they caught their men cybering or dirty talk, porn and go on saying ''Oh how could you, oh he cheated''. No he didn't, he's just having some online activity, it's not like he's gonna actually meet the person in real life and do it for real. Infidelity it's when ur partner is with the other person in real life and does stuff. IN PERSON NOT IN VIRTUAL WORLD.
blair08 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Not all people see it like that though. You don't see it as cheating and some do. Cheating means different things to different people. To me it doesn't have to be just physical to be cheating.
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Let's look at the definition, huh? From Wikipedia, infidelity is: [sIZE=-1]... a breach of faith, and occurs in a number of contexts (e.g., in religious contexts). Also called cheating: 'any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship'. What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures.[/sIZE] Infidelity is ANY BREACH OF TRUST. If your expectation in a relationship is that your husband/wife should not be "shopping around," then they have been unfaithful to you. Just because a method of cheating has not been previously included in prior definitions of infidelity DOES NOT invalidate the act. To say that someone "didn't really cheat" because they did not actually have sex is a rationalization. It's like saying "we never really had sex, she only gave me a little head." If my girlfriend was chatting up other men (or women, let's be honest here) on a dating site / casual sex site, I'm calling that one cheating.
fubarred Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 That's fine... if you assume that these online talks never go any further. I can recall several instances, that I personally know of, that became real life physical affairs. One of my best friends drove two states to "seal the deal" with a girl that he had been chatting with online. One of my neighbors left his wife because she had TWO physical affairs that were started online with complete strangers. I had a co-worker that went through the same thing... It's happens A LOT. As far as an emotional affair goes, why is doing it over the web any different than doing it over a phone line?
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Okay, let's make up a real life situation v. cyber EA. Real life: Your SO says to another girl, "You're so sexy, I just want to eff you". Cyber world: Your SO types to another girl, after they've swapped nude pics, "You're so sexy, I just want to eff you" AND beats off to more cyber patter. So, which one is worse?
Arise_Serpentor Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 #1) NEVER use wikipedia as a source! Hmmm! I wonder! Cyber could be on the same level as phone sex, no?! (assuming no pictures are traded!) Is phone sex considered cheating? Like the ones you pay for? I honestly don't know!!!
theobserver Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Ailec I do see your reasoning but really this is real life, having been on this forum you should know your reasoning doesn't reflect real life and you'll find many similar situations where people don't agree with you if you spoke to your friends who have probably been in the situation. It's all to do with intent. Flirting online - Ok to some people just ask with flirting real life it can be harmless aslong as it's not the focus of your encounter with the specific person there is a line when flirting has gone too far. Cybering/Online sex - Unless your partner knew you engage in this sort of action then that determines if it's ok. Many people engage in cybersex as a form of mental masturbation if you will (and physical) and can get into it with no real interest in the other persons looks personality just their ability to type dirty and get em off. Now that's strictly talking typing, IMO I believe many people are not ok with taking this the step too far, webcamming and masturbating with the other person and many people are right to be scared of this since alot of relationships these days start that way. Casual talk online - interest grows and it moves onto webcam or phone - then a meetup and so on and so forth, if you don't believe it can happen think again. Phone sex - Again this in my opinion is subject to different levels. Phoning a professional sex talking for example , is very much for a quick jerk and then your gone and it's anonymous, those addicted to it could keep calling back for more usually you'd find these people can't get off by normal masturbation techniques and you may find they even have partners, I almost compare this to watching porn or having a magazine hidden away. However generally it's agreed people like this will almost never dream of persuing some sort of relationship with the professional caller they know it's all business and they usually love their family and just have these addictive impulses , Usually forgivable if the person seeks help but occassionaly the partner can be disgusted and leave. Now calling up someone you knew/know Outside of the internet or from the internet is a different kettle of fish it's no longer anonymous , personal numbers have been exchanged, it's not about money but both people getting sexual satisfaction from eachother it can easily move into a PA and it's already an EA. I always like the saying "If you can't tell your partner with your head held high then it isn't right" It's alot more easier to go to your (lets say wife) and say I have a problem watching porn or talking on sex talk lines. Then saying I have a problem calling up Janice who works at the bar a town over talking about how much I'd love to bang her and talking about how much my life sucks. Rant over. I hope someone else can give a much more cleaner response I feel I have just let off some steam rather then producing a decent response. My apologies.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 An online relationship can suck the life out of the real life one. You have two people who are desperate for any amount of time with each other online, to the detriment of all of their other IRL relationships, including the one they are cheating in. Anything that steals from one relationship and sneaks it to another one is infidelity - online or not. They might not be actually physically together, but their hearts are - and when your heart is with someone other than your SO and you are in an otherwise monogamous arrangement, its infidelity, IMO. I've seen things like Second Life and WoW destroy IRL relationships when there is online hooking up going on. It isn't physical cheating, but from someone who has been an online cheater, I can definitely say that it can be just as harmful.
LoyalGirl Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I think infidelity has a lot to do with the secrecy involved. If the SO knows about it and is ok with it that's not infidelity. If it's hidden, or if the cyber-person would not feel comfortable sharing all of his/her exchanges with the spouse, it's infidelity.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I think infidelity has a lot to do with the secrecy involved. If the SO knows about it and is ok with it that's not infidelity. If it's hidden, or if the cyber-person would not feel comfortable sharing all of his/her exchanges with the spouse, it's infidelity. Yes, the difference between infidelity and an open relationship.
Lizzie60 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Well not for me. I don't see why on earth many women go on crying on how they caught their men cybering or dirty talk, porn and go on saying ''Oh how could you, oh he cheated''. No he didn't, he's just having some online activity, it's not like he's gonna actually meet the person in real life and do it for real. Infidelity it's when ur partner is with the other person in real life and does stuff. IN PERSON NOT IN VIRTUAL WORLD. People who have Cyber Affairs will say it's not infidelity.. since As are for scumbags and hos.. and THEY would never ever ever cheated on their SO..
JackJack Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Well not for me. I don't see why on earth many women go on crying on how they caught their men cybering or dirty talk, porn and go on saying ''Oh how could you, oh he cheated''. No he didn't, he's just having some online activity, it's not like he's gonna actually meet the person in real life and do it for real. Infidelity it's when ur partner is with the other person in real life and does stuff. IN PERSON NOT IN VIRTUAL WORLD. Just out of curiosty, are you in a relationship but you're cybering with another, and maybe looking to see if others agree with how you feel?
Sal Paradise Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 It doesn't matter if you think it's infidelity or not. If your partner does than it is. If it wasn't cheating people wouldn't hide it. They would say I'm going to do this and that online with this person. They don't say that because they know their partner would leave them over it. If you have to hide activity from your spouse that involves someone else and its sexual or emotional in nature then you're cheating. It really is as simple as that.
Owl Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Hmmm....I'm curious how the original poster would define "emotional affair" as well? Perhaps its only an affair if they have intercourse...in a bed...on Tuesday...as long as its anything other than missionary? Try reading this link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/ Was that an "online affair" or not? Since it didn't STAY online, but graduated to phone calls and such...does that qualify it as an affair? Or is it ONLY an affair if they'd have met in a motel room?
bish Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Well not for me. I don't see why on earth many women go on crying on how they caught their men cybering or dirty talk, porn and go on saying ''Oh how could you, oh he cheated''. No he didn't, he's just having some online activity, it's not like he's gonna actually meet the person in real life and do it for real. Infidelity it's when ur partner is with the other person in real life and does stuff. IN PERSON NOT IN VIRTUAL WORLD. It is cyber cheating. People that do it would most definitely cheat IRL if given the opportunity. If they are doing it online, you better believe they want to meet the person in real life. It says something about their character. If I found out a SO of mine was cybering, then they can just keep on cybering as I am out the door.
You'reasian Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Let's look at the definition, huh? From Wikipedia, infidelity is: Infidelity is ANY BREACH OF TRUST. If your expectation in a relationship is that your husband/wife should not be "shopping around," then they have been unfaithful to you. Just because a method of cheating has not been previously included in prior definitions of infidelity DOES NOT invalidate the act. To say that someone "didn't really cheat" because they did not actually have sex is a rationalization. It's like saying "we never really had sex, she only gave me a little head." If my girlfriend was chatting up other men (or women, let's be honest here) on a dating site / casual sex site, I'm calling that one cheating. I agree with the Panda on this one. Now off to the Panda Express!
Jennifer26 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 it's not like he's gonna actually meet the person in real life and do it for real. Oh really? I met my husband virtually.. while I was engaged to another man. I had the same line of thought as you and all kinds of other rationalizations. "Oh, I'm just talking to some nameless faceless person on the internet - it's harmess". Of course it wasn't harmless because eventually virtual conversations turned into telephone conversations and then turned into me flying 1400 miles away from home to meet him.
Jennifer26 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 How did your fiancee take it?I told him I met someone online and that I intended to meet him (and end our relationship). He acted like he didn't care at first. I'd been sleeping on the couch for a couple months by this point and we'd definitely grown apart in many ways (hence why I was off having an EA online). The he tried being really nice and bought me flowers, tried to stop me. But it was too late. I was hooked on the new guy and my mind was completely wrapped up in the excitement. I packed my things and got a ride to the airport. I stayed in New Orleans for a week with the new man (my now husband). When I came back my fiance had moved all of his stuff out (not surprised, but I told him we could be "roommates" until we could both find other arrangements) and he wrote all over in permanent marker that I was a bitch, how could I do this to him, I tore his heart out.. etc. I felt horrible. I don't regret ending the relationship, because I can see he wasn't the right person for me very clearly in retrospect (and I knew it then too) but I do wish I had gone about ending it honorably.
Author samsungxoxo Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Okay, let's make up a real life situation v. cyber EA. Real life: Your SO says to another girl, "You're so sexy, I just want to eff you". Cyber world: Your SO types to another girl, after they've swapped nude pics, "You're so sexy, I just want to eff you" AND beats off to more cyber patter. So, which one is worse? Real world off course. As for my 2 year-old b/f no he's not into that. Ok, that's fine with me, I respect that and our boundaries we talked about. But if one day he would decide to changed his mind and wanted to cyber online or caught him on it I'll be like ''Ok but let me do the same with other guys too or one of my guy friend, 50/50.
Author samsungxoxo Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Just out of curiosty, are you in a relationship but you're cybering with another, and maybe looking to see if others agree with how you feel? Yes and no. 2 year-old relationship and no we did talked about that long long ago. He knew I used to flashed myself on cam and talked dirty, causing me to get my cam taken away, folks somehow found out and got into an arguments. Anyways at one point when I was shy around him (when I was still a virgin) he was like ''Ok I don't get, you would flashed yourself at complete strangers who can possible rape you but you're shy with your b/f''?. And well then he went on saying he would just feel that either he's not good enough for me or be like ''But what do they have, that I don't have''. In other ways disrespectful.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Real world off course. As for my 2 year-old b/f no he's not into that. Ok, that's fine with me, I respect that and our boundaries we talked about. But if one day he would decide to changed his mind and wanted to cyber online or caught him on it I'll be like ''Ok but let me do the same with other guys too or one of my guy friend, 50/50. So what your real issue is, is that you want to cyber and flash, but your b/f doesn't agree?
Owl Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Hmmm....I'm curious how the original poster would define "emotional affair" as well? Perhaps its only an affair if they have intercourse...in a bed...on Tuesday...as long as its anything other than missionary? Try reading this link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/ Was that an "online affair" or not? Since it didn't STAY online, but graduated to phone calls and such...does that qualify it as an affair? Or is it ONLY an affair if they'd have met in a motel room? I never did get a response to this from the OP...I'm still interested in what you think this was, if its NOT an online emotional affair?
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