audiojunky Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 It has been about 4 years since I ended my last serious relationship- and even that relationship was 90% of the time obviously a horrible choice due to some major red flags that I chose to ignore in order to "make it work." Since then, I have used several different methods to date... introductions through friends, online, etc. For some reason, I always attract women who 1- never finished college (A college education is important to me.) or 2- Are on the rebound. I have gone out with several women who are college educated, but haven't met anyone with serious fireworks or chemistry. Dating someone who is not ready for a relationship (on the rebound) has definitely made me feel a bit used in the past... since I'm not looking for a fling at this point. I've done quite a bit of dating and really know what I do not want. If I had to identify my biggest weakness... it would be the fact that I traditionally have never really approached women who I find physically attractive in public settings. I tend to rely on other avenues via online, through friends etc.. and I also tend to have somewhat of an insecure view on my physical looks and on the spot conversation skills regardless of my female friends continually telling me that I'm very good looking and that my personality (quiet type) is very attractive. I have a decent job (high school music teacher), a separate career outside of that job, take care of myself, and am very ambitious. (Just in case you were wondering if I was a bum.) Perhaps someone could offer some good suggestions? I have a hard time starting conversations with people in public. When I go out with friends it seems that social settings that lend themselves to meeting people in person are overrun by WAY TOO MANY GUYS... and now this is all making me way too critical of what I do... making me wonder if my line of work is just not good enough for the type of female I want, etc. Thanks for your help!
AriaIncognito Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I'm not sure why you'd think being a music teacher would be offputting to prospective dates. I can't imagine what would be wrong with someone who is talented and good with with kids, in that respect. I'd say maybe you've just not been ready to date yet. I spent 3 years dateless after my serious ltr ended. I think once you're actually ready, you'll meet someone. As for how to meet someone, i've tended to always go with meeting through friends or social groups or whatever, so I personally don't see any reason for you to change your methods there. Sometimes, it just takes time to meet the next one. Your best bet is to try to be happy with your life as it is now, single or not, and once you're happy there, someone will come along to screw that up nicely for you :-) Good luck to you.
bigmanpayne Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 open wide and let the doctor have a look at you... let's see if we can figure some things out... It has been about 4 years since I ended my last serious relationship- and even that relationship was 90% of the time obviously a horrible choice due to some major red flags that I chose to ignore in order to "make it work." why do you want to make it work so bad? how old are you first of all? age makes a big difference in how people act and re-act in relationships. Since then, I have used several different methods to date... introductions through friends, online, etc. For some reason, I always attract women who 1- never finished college (A college education is important to me.) or 2- Are on the rebound. I have gone out with several women who are college educated, but haven't met anyone with serious fireworks or chemistry. Dating someone who is not ready for a relationship (on the rebound) has definitely made me feel a bit used in the past... since I'm not looking for a fling at this point. I've done quite a bit of dating and really know what I do not want. this is obvious. you have low self esteem. you look for easy marks (sometimes without even knowing it) because you dont have the confidence to seriously go out and get what you want. its textbook - i suffered from this myself in the past. If I had to identify my biggest weakness... it would be the fact that I traditionally have never really approached women who I find physically attractive in public settings. I tend to rely on other avenues via online, through friends etc.. and I also tend to have somewhat of an insecure view on my physical looks and on the spot conversation skills regardless of my female friends continually telling me that I'm very good looking and that my personality (quiet type) is very attractive. dude i get it. but you have to get some confidence. i used to feel like you until my junior year in high school (13 years ago or so) and since then i get as much attention from the opposite sex as i want (except for the period of time that i was married). its about confidence. how can someone else accept your personality and looks if you dont? even if you dont believe it, just acting like it and giving of confident energy will attract more women, not just women but women you really want. I have a decent job (high school music teacher), a separate career outside of that job, take care of myself, and am very ambitious. (Just in case you were wondering if I was a bum.) slow down on the decent job stuff, that's all in the eye of the beholder just kidding. Perhaps someone could offer some good suggestions? I have a hard time starting conversations with people in public. When I go out with friends it seems that social settings that lend themselves to meeting people in person are overrun by WAY TOO MANY GUYS... and now this is all making me way too critical of what I do... making me wonder if my line of work is just not good enough for the type of female I want, etc. Suggestion: MAN UP! confidence, confidence, confidence. women love confidence! man i am ok looking i guess, but i try to own a room i walk into. i try to have the attitude that i am something or somebody and if some woman doesnt like it - that is her problem. you said you think you have a good job and some good things going for you - then act like it. rebound girls and red flags SCREAMS low self-esteem. you dont need those type of women. stop feeling sorry for yourself - reverse your attitude. there are more women out there then there are men. you dont even have to initiate conversation. walk into a room full of women act like you dont need them to be you and believe me they will come up and start talking to you. you might not believe that, but it is true. i suffered from this same affliction in the past and i went through recovery and now am living a fruitful and productive dating life. i just want to see the same thing for you. if you have any follow up questions, don't hesitate to call my office. i will give you a prescription to see Mr. Tom Leykis at blowmeuptom.com. i dont agree with all of his thoughts, but his Lekis 101 stuff would be perfect for you. Thanks for your help! no problem. the doctor has now gone to lunch. i will send you a bill if you didnt pay your co-pay
Lucky555 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Maybe open your mind up a bit. I think a lot of people including myself have the ideal person in our heads and we think they exist somewhere but its just hard to find them...But in reality all those "perfect" qualities that we aspire for in someone are not always 100% there. I have found that it doesn't matter whether the guy is educated or not he can still can be a loser, even if he makes millions! This would be based upon his personal qualities and values that he has for himself..which i do not admire some instances. Otherwise, give people a break and have some fun on your dates. When you are kind of interested in someone call them back and get a date to get to know them better. If your not interested at all don't waste your time. For instance, you say you are a hs. music teacher and are educated ect. But you meet people who are not educated and thats a turn off? i do agree education is important..but lets say you meet someone who owns their own business and they didn't need to go to college? Does the degree still count? Work on yourself while you seek..get involved in things you love. Do you like theater? Could you volunteer to put on a play and get people to know who you are? You say you have trouble approaching women and i believe a lot of guys have this. I think depending on the situation there are appropriate times to ask people out. If there is someone just randomly walking to work and you ask for their number then that would be awkward. I hope that helps. I think finding a quality person takes getting to know them and seeing if they share your believes and values, the foundations are very important. ALWAYS be YOURSELF!
monkey00 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I've been in that situation before. And probably as you already realize, the older you get the more you'll notice that there are less available quality women (around your age for that matter). As for women who are on rebound, they tend to have the confidence to seek out guys for flings, so I am not surprised about your situation. Since you know what your weaknesses are, it's better to overcome it. That way you'll have more control over who you meet and the type of women you're meeting.
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