In a 1 year relationship but cant get other guys out of my head, im a horrible person

[layercakegal]

Hi everyone, i could really use some help

 

Ive been in love with my male best friend for a good few years now, fancying him too, which was never a problem because id never been in a relationship in all that time.

 

A year and a half ago i was introduced to this lovely sweet guy, and we've now been going out for a year and 31 days (yes, exactly lol).

 

The problem is, i cant get this thing for my best friend to go away. Me and my boyfriend love each other very much, but this thing for my friend is still there nagging away at me, and my bf has no idea that i was even interested at all, ever, in my best mate.

 

Ive just seen my best mate today, and all the feelings came flooding back, like they do every time i see him, the minute he'd left i miss him, because i know itll be a couple of weeks before i see him again maybe, even tho we talk all the time on msn.

 

I feel like the most horrible person in the world, because my boyfriend doesnt want anyone but me and doesnt even look at other girls, but i look at guys and even say 'ooh hes quite hot' but only with like celebrities, i wudnt point at a guy in the street when i was with my bf and go 'wow how hot is he!'

 

I dont know what im supposed to do, i know there cud never be any future with my best mate coz hes a bit of a player and not the kind of boyfriend you'd want, where my bf is so amazing and lovely, and im just so confused.

 

I feel like a horrible person, i dont want to throw away a year of a good relationship just because my head cant stop wandering

 

Does anyone have any advice? Be nice.............please lol?

[nopainnogain]

You got 2 choices

 

1 - you want your R to work cut out your best mate

 

2- if you dont care dump your b/f and go for the playa

[layercakegal]

thanks for the reply!

 

i do want my relationship to work, so what do u mean cut out?

[nopainnogain]

 

i do want my relationship to work, so what do u mean cut out?

 

 

Tell your best mate to take a hike then. You want this R to work ,dont lust over other dudes.

[Future_Psycologist]

You got 2 choices

 

1 - you want your R to work cut out your best mate

 

2- if you dont care dump your b/f and go for the playa

 

ya kno i dont really believe that u have to chose between the two unless ur also having things such as sexual fantasies about ur best mate. The reason he is your best mate is cause u care for him and ya if u love him you do, there isnt only 1 type of love. you can love your boyfriend and still love your friends, the only reason u should even think about doing something such as picking between the two is if u are having sexual feelings towards the other guy. My advice is

1: talk to your boy friend about it cause hiding it from him is making it worse and whats making u feel so guilty. If he loves you he'll understand, as i said above, there are many types of love. You love your boyfriend, you love ur parents, u can love ur friends as well.

2: if you DO have sexual feelings for him, then its time to talk to him about it and see what to do

3: if it comes down to deciding between to two dont go by the modern stupid thing guys say "bro's before hoes", u should pick whichever one makes you the happiest.

Hope this helped

[Walk]

1: talk to your boy friend about it cause hiding it from him is making it worse and whats making u feel so guilty. If he loves you he'll understand, as i said above, there are many types of love. You love your boyfriend, you love ur parents, u can love ur friends as well.

I don't know anyone who would handle that information with open arms... being told you have feelings for another person who's NOT your SO is very painful.

 

2: if you DO have sexual feelings for him, then its time to talk to him about it and see what to do

Lets see how that would go, ha! She tells this guy that she has sexual feelings for him, then the guy either says "Wow, I do too!" or "I don't like you in that way". Either option tends to imply your bf is your second option in men. If it got back to him that you did this, you two would be over with.

 

3: if it comes down to deciding between to two dont go by the modern stupid thing guys say "bro's before hoes", u should pick whichever one makes you the happiest.

Take out the 'bro's before hoes' part, and I agree. Pick the one that would make you happiest.

 

I agree with Nopainnogain. If you really want this relationship to work, then you're going to have to remove the friend from your life. Its not fair to your bf to compete with your friend for your attraction. How would you feel if your bf felt the way you do about a female friend he has?

 

One aspect of the situation as it is, is that it has the potential to cause a great deal of emotional pain. If your bf finds out (either you telling him or through other means) then it will hurt him immensely.

 

Another aspect is this situation creates a divide in your attention and your emotions, which isn't fair to your bf.

 

It also creates a situation in which you have to be dishonest to your bf about your true feelings, or you have to intentionally hurt him. Neither one are good for relationships.

 

You can't keep both. It sucks, and its not fair that you'd have to choose, but there are a lot of things that aren't fair about life. This is one of those instances where you have to decide what's more important to you... a solid relationship with the man you call your bf, or a friendship with someone you call a player.

[Trialbyfire]

If you can't focus on one man, I don't think you should be in a relationship. You can't sincerely be in love with your b/f.