vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Aria, you know me...get to know them forever, then if they're keepers, sex. I'm like yourself, where I strongly bond through sex and also, believe that sex shouldn't just be an appetite, that it's the natural progression for two people who sincerely care about each other. If you're ready for it, do initiate. Deepen the kiss, feel his response, get your hands under his...errrr...shirt... The rest nature will dictate! You are telling a woman to initiate sex, but not even a date on other threads, lol.. Then you jumped on Shygirl because she felt men should initiate sex. You don't feel the man would naturally deepen the kiss, or try to move under her shirt? Are you sure you date Alpha men?
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 You are telling a woman to initiate sex, but not even a date on other threads, lol.. Then you jumped on Shygirl because she felt men should initiate sex. You don't feel the man would naturally deepen the kiss, or try to move under her shirt? Are you sure you date Alpha men? I'm providing advice to Aria. What my personal choice is, has nothing to do with this. Speaking of, why don't you provide advice instead of making more assinine generalized comments?
vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Ok, I will give my advice. I have no idea what to say. How can a man be interested in a woman, and not know how to go about having sex? Personally, I feel something else is at play. Maybe he has intimacy issues, or is addicted to porn. He stated he always has sex immediately. So he does not seem shy. Maybe he cannot connect feelings and sex. Should you make the move? No. Unless you are sending really cold signals, he should be all over you. You just started dating, you aren't married for 20 years.
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 :laugh::lmao: Lishy, why do you always have to come up with something ridiculous? To be honest, I dont think what lishy said was ridiculous and it was what I was intimating without saying. It's been hard, this I know, but it doesn't seem to stick around. I just wonder if there's something he's afraid to tell me, maybe he's afraid I don't want to put up with it, given our age difference. I've been trying to just let things occur naturally, and they have, but there's a shot he's afraid of the whole performance thing and that's why it's not sticking around, who knows. And sure, there's the potential as Ariadne likes to point out, that he's not into me, but well, there are a million and one other things that will tell you he is. I don't think it's right to pigeonhole him into that category because he might have a health issue. As for some other suggestions I've seen thusfar (didn't read them all yet) I'm of like mind to shygirl where i've never initiated the first time. Beyond that, I don't have issues with initiating. Maybe I just need to forget it's the first time and just go for it.
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 I have never in my life dated a man who has not tried to have sex with me I would find that weird! Same here, and I do find it weird. He always mentions it and jokes about things of sexual nature but then it just hasn't happened yet. I'm not going to rush him, I've been open with him and told him how I've been feeling, and well he always tries to alleviate any negative feelings I have about the situation so I honestly believe that he does care about me and does want to make me happy, else he'd not be putting himself through the trouble. I guess I'm just kinda tired of waiting to see how it's gonna all play out, there's been all this build up lol. It'll happen eventually.
Lizzie60 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 So I was having a talk with my bf last night and he mentioned how our relationship is backwards of pretty much all the others he's had. He mentioned that his previous Rs had always started with sex and THEN he'd get to know them. He also told me a few months ago before we were exclusive, that he wanted to get to know me before we did anything physical. As for me, I've always gotten to know someone before introducing sex into the relationship. It's usually about a month or so before the sex is brought in, in my past experiences. So, I'm wondering what the experiences of LSers is. For your dating history, or even just your current or whatever relationship worked out for you, did you start by getting to know the person first, or start with the bedroom first? Do you think either is a bad way to go about it, or merely a difference in opinion? Just curious. I have to say 'Sex'.. if sex is bad.. then there will be NO relationship... it's that simple.. sex is too important in my life.
lovestruck818 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I must have the relationship before the sex. No sex unless you are in a relationship with me. Plus, it's a good way to ensure I get what I want- the relationship, while still giving him what he wants, the sex...of course, hoping he falls in love with me too.
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 I have to say 'Sex'.. if sex is bad.. then there will be NO relationship... it's that simple.. sex is too important in my life. hehe, somehow lizzie I'm not surprised by your answer
vanilla87 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 So, I'm wondering what the experiences of LSers is. For your dating history, or even just your current or whatever relationship worked out for you, did you start by getting to know the person first, or start with the bedroom first? Do you think either is a bad way to go about it, or merely a difference in opinion? Just curious. My experience is both. I've jumped into sex very earlier on or I waited, but I'm more of a getting to know person before the sex if its for a relationship that I feel is worth it. Then again, I can have emotions thrown out of the sex early on too, so that always plays a big part in the way something can start or finish early on with someone (ie - relationship forming).
vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 So men... According to these responses... Women will sleep with men quickly and not really care about morals, values, etc. They just want to get laid in some cases. If they want a relationship with you, they will withhold sex, maybe so that you think they are a "good girl". Many of us men realize this.. Is it so hard to limit sexual activity to men you want to date? This is the only country I have been in, in which women sleep with you early if they DO NOT want a relationship with you, and wait to have sex if they DO like you. Talk about dysfunctional...
almost famous Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Dude, this is about Aria's issue with her boyfriend, not "men."
almost famous Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 :laugh::lmao: Lishy, why do you always have to come up with something ridiculous? Her suggestion of penile disfunction as a possibility is not ridiculous. It was actually the first thing I thought of when I read this post.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Dude, this is about Aria's issue with her boyfriend, not "men." He's agenda driven. I don't think he can stop himself, even if he tried. Sad that such a bright man would be so dysfunctionally routed.
Shygirl15 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Her suggestion of penile disfunction as a possibility is not ridiculous. It was actually the first thing I thought of when I read this post. It sounded ridiculous to me. It's obvious that he's just getting cold feet, that's all.
Shygirl15 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 To be honest, I dont think what lishy said was ridiculous and it was what I was intimating without saying. It's been hard, this I know, but it doesn't seem to stick around. Okay, well now that makes a difference..
almost famous Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Obviously it wasn't a way-out there suggestion at all, Lishy thought of it, too. You just don't like that you didn't think of it first, because it is a very logical thought to the situation actually considering her boyfriend is considerably older than herself and hasn't has sex after dating for quite a while. But glad you confirmed it was OK to suggest that as a possibility now, lol.
Balthazar Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Something is very wrong with this guy. You say you have been together for a while, which means that he is obviously attracted to you as if he weren't, he would have broken it off. Putting the sex off can create anxiety, making it an even bigger issue than it is thereby leading to even more anxiety. A poster mentioned the possibility of issues with intimacy or some sort of penile dysfunction. There two factors should not be discounted. Furthermore, you need to ask this man how he releases his sexual energy. Has he been masturbating while in the relationship? In any case, your concerns are valid.
nopainnogain Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 For me sex isnt everthing. Seemslike no one has patience now a days.
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 Something is very wrong with this guy. You say you have been together for a while, which means that he is obviously attracted to you as if he weren't, he would have broken it off. Putting the sex off can create anxiety, making it an even bigger issue than it is thereby leading to even more anxiety. A poster mentioned the possibility of issues with intimacy or some sort of penile dysfunction. There two factors should not be discounted. Furthermore, you need to ask this man how he releases his sexual energy. Has he been masturbating while in the relationship? In any case, your concerns are valid. I asked if he masturbated ever and he said he does. I didn't really ask about frequency. I don't know, maybe he's lost women in the past from sex or something, who knows. We all have our issues. I certainly have mine. I'm just trying to be patient knowing that it will happen when it's meant to happen, but well, sometimes it's hard when you have been anticipating it for a while lol. I mean, what if we don't click in that capacity? After spending all this time together, and getting along so well, it would suck to be incompatible there. And that could also be his hold back, afraid to lose what we've built. I guess time will tell on this one. Today we spent a nice day with some of his family at an amusement/water park. Next weekend we see both families for the holiday. I have no doubt he's into me as he's voluntarily going with me to my parents (they've already met a few weeks back) lol.
Ocean-Blue Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 R before sex. I can't really be with a guy that way without the commitment, etc. For me, sex is tied to love, trust, etc...all of which comes together (I think) in a relationship.
Meaplus3 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 So I was having a talk with my bf last night and he mentioned how our relationship is backwards of pretty much all the others he's had. He mentioned that his previous Rs had always started with sex and THEN he'd get to know them. He also told me a few months ago before we were exclusive, that he wanted to get to know me before we did anything physical. As for me, I've always gotten to know someone before introducing sex into the relationship. It's usually about a month or so before the sex is brought in, in my past experiences. So, I'm wondering what the experiences of LSers is. For your dating history, or even just your current or whatever relationship worked out for you, did you start by getting to know the person first, or start with the bedroom first? Do you think either is a bad way to go about it, or merely a difference in opinion? Just curious. The relationship. I need a strong emotional connection in order to reach the sex part. If there is no emotional connection..well then NO sex. AP:)
Melrapuo Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Didn't have sex for 8 months. The first three months were mostly because of me (and the fact we had nowhere to do it, and that I was a virgin still). Then the next 5 months after, it was because she didn't want to (she wasn't a virgin). Finally decided to just do it, and then we pretty much humped like rabbits. Spent two years together. Fun stuff.
almost famous Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Hey Shygirl, are you going to tell Balthazar how outrageous his suggestion is here? Something is very wrong with this guy. You say you have been together for a while, which means that he is obviously attracted to you as if he weren't, he would have broken it off. Putting the sex off can create anxiety, making it an even bigger issue than it is thereby leading to even more anxiety. A poster mentioned the possibility of issues with intimacy or some sort of penile dysfunction. There two factors should not be discounted. Furthermore, you need to ask this man how he releases his sexual energy. Has he been masturbating while in the relationship? In any case, your concerns are valid.
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