Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Aria, you know me...get to know them forever, then if they're keepers, sex. I'm like yourself, where I strongly bond through sex and also, believe that sex shouldn't just be an appetite, that it's the natural progression for two people who sincerely care about each other. If you're ready for it, do initiate. Deepen the kiss, feel his response, get your hands under his...errrr...shirt... The rest nature will dictate!
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Well, then I guess it has more to do with personal values. Some of us are more traditional and believe that there certain things that are better initiated by males..
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Well, then I guess it has more to do with personal values. Some of us are more traditional and believe that there certain things that are better initiated by males.. When you're in a relationship, do you still wait for the man to initiate sex?
Walk Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Well, then I guess it has more to do with personal values. Some of us are more traditional and believe that there certain things that are better initiated by males.. Ah, well then you're standing on a belief that women should not initiate due to gender roles. That's different. I guess I misunderstood when you said it's not "easy for a woman to initiate sex". It seemed you were saying you find it hard to do, which is different then saying you don't believe women should initiate.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 When you're in a relationship, do you still wait for the man to initiate sex? No, not when I'm already intimate with them. However, I always wait for the man to initiate for the first time.
Lishy Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 No, not when I'm already intimate with them. However, I always wait for the man to initiate for the first time. You have to wonder why he is being so hesitant:confused: Maybe he has a penile disfunction:confused:
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Ah, well then you're standing on a belief that women should not initiate due to gender roles. That's different. I guess I misunderstood when you said it's not "easy for a woman to initiate sex". It seemed you were saying you find it hard to do, which is different then saying you don't believe women should initiate. Maybe I wasn't clear; I only have problems initiating sex for the first time. I have no problem initiating sex afterwards.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 You have to wonder why he is being so hesitant:confused: Maybe he has a penile disfunction:confused: :laugh::lmao: Lishy, why do you always have to come up with something ridiculous?
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 No, not when I'm already intimate with them. However, I always wait for the man to initiate for the first time. The two have been in a relationship for months. The elements of mutual caring, trust and commitment appear to have fallen in place. A woman doesn't have to jump him to get things going. She can initiate without going full-on with him. How she reacts when things get physical, can push it to the point of no return. Also, verbal teasing, body language and eye contact can really heat things up. While I never encourage anyone to jump in the sack too soon, I have faith that aria knows the right time and it appears to be now.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Fine, been in relationship for months, however appears to me they haven't reached that level of comfort with one another just yet. Otherwise she wouldn't have been on here asking questions.
vonerik012 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I agree with Shygirl. Obviously the man should be initiating sex. And you can have sex immediately, and have a wonderful, long term relationship. People have different personalities as well. My personality does not do well with dating rituals, waiting, small talk, seeing her once a week while she dates others, etc. If I like a woman, I want her, and want her to be mine. After sex I am far more open and relaxed. Waiting 3 dates is just silly. If you want to wait, then wait 6 months, or until marriage. A couple dates really does not mean much.
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Fine, been in relationship for months, however appears to me they haven't reached that level of comfort with one another just yet. Otherwise she wouldn't have been on here asking questions. Refer to the opening post. She's stated what's happened. So, why do you believe the guy "must" initiate first? Do you believe that one size fits all, regardless of every situation or individual? Do you believe that your values are the only values possible or right?
Jersey Shortie Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I think it depends on the guy. Sometimes waiting is better. Sometimes stuff happens and you end up diving head first into sex with someone. But it can still turn into a relationship. Although I think girls get so many mixed messages because some guys don't want to jump in but some guys are okay. And of course, girls get called more four letter names then guys in this regard so we don't want the guy to think poorly of us. In general, I like waiting. I like the anticipation of it. I've jumped into it and it's been fine but there is something to be said for the game of love, the romance, the mystery....
vonerik012 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 What do women mean by "initiating sex"? Wearing a revealing outfit? Or physically forcing themselves on a man? The latter is a complete turn off.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Refer to the opening post. She's stated what's happened. So, why do you believe the guy "must" initiate first? Do you believe that one size fits all, regardless of every situation or individual? Do you believe that your values are the only values possible or right? Must? Where did I say must? I wil not go back and re-read my posts, because I never use that word. I was expressing my personal preference anyway. I feel more comfortable if my guy initiates it for the first time. I can't speak for anyone else. Of course it's up to Aria and everybody else to choose what they want.
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Must? Where did I say must? I wil not go back and re-read my posts, because I never use that word. I was expressing my personal preference anyway. I feel more comfortable if my guy initiates it for the first time. I can't speak for anyone else. Of course it's up to Aria and everybody else to choose what they want. Absolutely it's their personal choice!
vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 There is a natural flow.. If a woman must be the initiator, something is clearly wrong. TBF, you stated over and over that men should be the initiator when even just asking for a date. You stated you will never ask a man out.. But now the advice you are giving when it comes to actual sex, is that there are no rules as to who should initiate, lol.
Walk Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 There is a natural flow.. If a woman must be the initiator, something is clearly wrong. My H would laugh at you for saying that.
vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Good, tell him to read it so he can get a laugh..Laughter is good for the soul. Men should initiate dates, but not necessarily sex. I do not understand that.
Jilly Bean Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Hi, Aria. My experience has been mixed on this topic. If I am not interested in a LTR with a guy, then I will have sex sooner, as I don't care if sex will affect the outcome. If I DO like him, and want a relationship, I will wait 3-5 dates. Sometimes that's been 2 dates - lol. My ex and I slept together on our first date (though we had met and hung out twice before in a group), and we were together for 5 years. Another guy I was nuts about I dated for 4 months, and we never had sex. After a certain point, it just became awkward, and I kinda lost interest in him sexually all together. If I know I am not going to have sex with someone for a long time, then I pretty much lose the desire to at all. Overall, I can tell you, it's really a personal thing and personal to two individual people and their dynamic. I have slept with guys on date one or two and never had anything more develop, I have had sex with men very early on and had my longest relationships, and I have also waited, dated, and then lost interest in them sexually. So, I think if you both feel it's right, then go for it. There is no magic formula.
Lishy Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I have never in my life dated a man who has not tried to have sex with me I would find that weird!
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 There is a natural flow.. If a woman must be the initiator, something is clearly wrong. TBF, you stated over and over that men should be the initiator when even just asking for a date. You stated you will never ask a man out.. But now the advice you are giving when it comes to actual sex, is that there are no rules as to who should initiate, lol. vonerik, just read what I wrote first before pulling one of your blanket assumptions. It gets old fast.
vonerik012 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 TBF, I am just surprised, as you always felt men should initiate dates,and be the pursuer. But when it comes to sex, there is no rule of what makes the most sense, and maybe women should be the pursuer/initiator? I don't think many women naturally feel like a woman if the are with a man they have to force sex on. it's just a turn off.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 More blanket assumptions. You either haven't read what I wrote in this thread or you're having some difficulty grasping nuances based on individual need. Btw, any man who can be "forced" into sex is a complete wuss. Unless Aria is an 8' tall sumo wrestler, forcing ain't an option...
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