AriaIncognito Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 So I was having a talk with my bf last night and he mentioned how our relationship is backwards of pretty much all the others he's had. He mentioned that his previous Rs had always started with sex and THEN he'd get to know them. He also told me a few months ago before we were exclusive, that he wanted to get to know me before we did anything physical. As for me, I've always gotten to know someone before introducing sex into the relationship. It's usually about a month or so before the sex is brought in, in my past experiences. So, I'm wondering what the experiences of LSers is. For your dating history, or even just your current or whatever relationship worked out for you, did you start by getting to know the person first, or start with the bedroom first? Do you think either is a bad way to go about it, or merely a difference in opinion? Just curious.
Lishy Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I met my first bf, had sex with him second date and spent 14 years together I met my second ex and had sex on the 3rd date and spent 2 years together I have a theory that sex too quick is not a good idea, I am the sort of girl who gets attached too quick when sex comes into the equation and so maybe I stuck with guys who I shouldnt have?
Ariadne Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 If you wait to have sex, the only thing you are going to do is to crave for sex and get more and more horny until you end up having sex. It won't make the relationship any different. Sex is not going to affect whether you've found the right person or not.
nopainnogain Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 With my last chick we did the dirty a week in.
fral945 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 So, I'm wondering what the experiences of LSers is. For your dating history, or even just your current or whatever relationship worked out for you, did you start by getting to know the person first, or start with the bedroom first? Do you think either is a bad way to go about it, or merely a difference in opinion? Just curious. I've had it on the first date and later on. It makes no difference. I don't understand why women worry about it so much. If you're not sexually compatible (i.e., the sex is regularly bad,very different sex drives, etc.) eventually you will find that out later on, so you'd just be delaying the inevitable fact that you're not compatible. I realize that generally speaking sex is probably not as big a factor to most women as it is for men. But I'd bet most men would be very unhappy in a relationship that didn't have much sexual spark. The way I see it, if one partner has a need in a relationship I think it's a good idea to figure out if the other partner can provide that need. Part of getting to know someone in a relationship or dating is getting to know them sexually. Why waste so much time getting to know someone and come to find out you're on different planets sexually? Frankly, if you are truly interested in the person, I think it's better to get it out the way early on and make sure you're compatible in that area. I do realize that many women get more attached after sex, so maybe it's bad advice. But from a male and practical perspective, it's just another relationship factor you weigh. It's an important one for me as well. Having a woman that is a good match is all ways but sexually makes her a friend, not relationship material. Unless you have someone willing to be involved in an open relationship, which I don't think many women (or men) are. Withholding or delaying sex (for whatever reason) won't really have a positive effect in my opinion. Sex is just another factor in the relationship. Making it into some holy grail (like many women do) might make it a bit more exciting in the short term, but long term, as far as real relationships go, it doesn't really matter.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 If you wait to have sex, the only thing you are going to do is to crave for sex and get more and more horny until you end up having sex. It won't make the relationship any different. Sex is not going to affect whether you've found the right person or not. Very true. However, having sex too soon or late can say a lot about what kind of person they are.
nopainnogain Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Very true. However, having sex too soon or late can say a lot about what kind of person they are. How the heck do you know when its the right time lol:confused:
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 How the heck do you know when its the right time lol:confused: I know.. You know, sometimes I think when attraction is there, people should just go ahead and do whatever they feel like. The few times I have had sex on 1st dates () I ended having relationships with those people. It really doesn't matter.
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 Just for the record here, he's the one that I'm waiting on in the having sex department lol. I've been ready for a while now, and according to him, he has been ready too. I don't have any need to wait once I know I'm into someone (which I generally know within a few weeks). He has said that he doesn't know how to bring it into our relationship because he's never done it "backwards" like this. So I'm not really sure what to tell him there. In my opinion, he should just jump on top of me and get to it. I'm not sure if he's now scared of how it will affect the R or not. Maybe he's afraid I'll lose interest once we do it? I have no idea. I was just curious if anyone thought it mattered if it occurred sooner rather than later.
bigmanpayne Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I met my first bf, had sex with him second date and spent 14 years together I met my second ex and had sex on the 3rd date and spent 2 years together I have a theory that sex too quick is not a good idea, I am the sort of girl who gets attached too quick when sex comes into the equation and so maybe I stuck with guys who I shouldnt have? exactly. i have a strict on month policy - sometimes longer. sex too quick muddles things, makes it impossible to understand if you are there for that person or the sex. sex also masks a lot of faults. you might be willing to let things slide if they are good in bed, etc. i like to find out if i actually like a person before doing anything with them - then again i am in the minority, most men dont care.
fral945 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 In my opinion, he should just jump on top of me and get to it. I'm not sure if he's now scared of how it will affect the R or not. I don't know what his hangup is, but why don't you just tell him that directly? Or jump on top of him and take matters into your own hands.
nopainnogain Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I know.. You know, sometimes I think when attraction is there, people should just go ahead and do whatever they feel like. The few times I have had sex on 1st dates () I ended having relationships with those people. It really doesn't matter. I fully agree. Just go with the flow. If I see wifey material Id probably not have sex until 3-6 months into the R. JMO
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 I don't know what his hangup is, but why don't you just tell him that directly? Or jump on top of him and take matters into your own hands. Yeah I'm pretty much gonna have to do this
bigmanpayne Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I fully agree. Just go with the flow. If I see wifey material Id probably not have sex until 3-6 months into the R. JMO 3-6 months? wow that might be too long even for me.
Ariadne Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I've been ready for a while now, and according to him, he has been ready too. I don't have any need to wait once I know I'm into someone. Ok, in this case is not that the guy is waiting to have sex. He just doesn't want to have sex with you.
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 Ok, in this case is not that the guy is waiting to have sex. He just doesn't want to have sex with you. You're always such a negative nelly. I don't think it's this at all. It's not like we aren't physical, we just haven't been physical in that way yet. We've pretty openly communicated about what's going on (or in this case not going on) and he's made it quite clear that if he wasn't interested, he'd not be with me and wouldn't waste my or his time. So, though I thank you for your response, I don't think that it's the reasoning. I think there are other reasons behind the apprehension, but I didn't really feel it necessary to divulge here at this point. These reasons wouldn't have anything to do with his level of wanting me and are workthroughable with patience and mutual respect of each other.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Just for the record here, he's the one that I'm waiting on in the having sex department lol. I've been ready for a while now, and according to him, he has been ready too. I don't have any need to wait once I know I'm into someone (which I generally know within a few weeks). He has said that he doesn't know how to bring it into our relationship because he's never done it "backwards" like this. So I'm not really sure what to tell him there. In my opinion, he should just jump on top of me and get to it. I'm not sure if he's now scared of how it will affect the R or not. Maybe he's afraid I'll lose interest once we do it? I have no idea. I was just curious if anyone thought it mattered if it occurred sooner rather than later. Now that you already have a relationship with him, it's very important for him to make sure he pleases you sexually. IMO, that's what's giving him cold feet.
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 Now that you already have a relationship with him, it's very important for him to make sure he pleases you sexually. IMO, that's what's giving him cold feet. I would presume this has a lot to do with it as well. I wouldn't want to lose someone I'd become close with either. I'm just as nervous about it as the next person, I'm sure, but well, once you get the first "awkward" time over with, then you can start having fun and not worrying about it so much. So, this is basically where I'm trying to steer us. I hope to be able to please him as well, it's always a little scary and new learning a new person and what they like and don't like, but it's something I hope we will both be doing soon.
The Collector Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I know.. You know, sometimes I think when attraction is there, people should just go ahead and do whatever they feel like. The few times I have had sex on 1st dates () I ended having relationships with those people. It really doesn't matter. Agree with Shygirl15 who better not be 15 years old.
Ariadne Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I think there are other reasons behind the apprehension... anything to do with his level of wanting me... Ah...
EYECANDY000 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 In past relations, Sex has came first and then I really got to know that person. and if a relationship evolved . then great! But it usually takes about a month or two before the sex conversation is brung up.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Agree with Shygirl15 who better not be 15 years old. :laugh: I'm 31 you idiot, 15th is the day I was born.
Walk Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Why don't you initiate sex? You're putting a great deal of pressure on him to get things rolling here. Not only does he have to worry about performance, but he also has to worry about if you're comfortable with it. I think he'll be immensely grateful if you show him you're ready rather then just telling him. To answer the original question.. I prefer to wait to have sex after getting to know a guy. The longest relationships I've had started with sex after dating for several months. And that was mostly due to the fact that we weren't really dating, we were supposed to be just friends.
Shygirl15 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Why don't you initiate sex? You're putting a great deal of pressure on him to get things rolling here. Not only does he have to worry about performance, but he also has to worry about if you're comfortable with it. I think he'll be immensely grateful if you show him you're ready rather then just telling him. Ah, Walk, I went through this similar situation recently so I fully understand her position. I received tons of advices from LSers but still it didn't help. It's really not that easy for a woman to initiate sex.
Walk Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Ah, Walk, I went through this similar situation recently so I fully understand her position. I received tons of advices from LSers but still it didn't help. It's really not that easy for a woman to initiate sex. I'm calling Bull****. It is that easy. I've done it many times, with many men. People fear rejection. Why is it easier for men to do then women? Why is it completley different for a guy to intiate sex for the first time, but for a woman it's too hard?? You're making excuses. Its not hard. Heck, men are so easy to get into the sack that its laughable. Especially when they've already said they want to have sex with you.
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