JoeNewbie Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 You meet someone who you are not attracted to. That person asks you out and of course, you say no. After your refusal, you still have dealings with that person (e.g. work or school). Would you be inclined to be friends with that person, or would you try to keep interactions to a minimum? I personally would go for the latter but would like to hear everyone's opinions. Thanks!
Tony T Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I've been in these situations. You have to minimize contact with the person for as long as it takes for their interest to move on elsewhere. Otherwise, the interested party would LOVE to be your buddy or friend with the hopes that your feelings could change and more would come out of it. Some people go through their entire life doing things like this. Now, sometimes they do work out over time but most often they do not. If there isn't some sort of initial attraction, it's just not going to happen. I've never been able to understand why somebody who is attracted and/or in love with another person who is not interested in them would want to hang out with that person and watch them go through romantic relationships, dating other people, having sexual relationships, etc. Oftentimes, the interested party does not inform the other of the level of their interest. So one party thinks they've got a friend and the other party thinks they've got a chance to get in their friend's pants one day. CRAZY!!! This is not a good situation for either party and it never ends up nice. But it could go on for years. A relationship in which a person is pretending to be a friend in the hopes that things will upgrade into romance is simply living a LIE and that's never good. Go with your gut and keep interactions to a minimum or, better yet, have no interactions...at least for now.
fral945 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Yea, I'd agree. If there's a girl that likes me but I don't like her, I stay away. Nothing worse than giving someone false hope.
Author JoeNewbie Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 I've never been able to understand why somebody who is attracted and/or in love with another person who is not interested in them would want to hang out with that person and watch them go through romantic relationships, dating other people, having sexual relationships, etc. Oftentimes, the interested party does not inform the other of the level of their interest. So one party thinks they've got a friend and the other party thinks they've got a chance to get in their friend's pants one day. CRAZY!!! Actually I used to do what you describe when I was 15. Eventually I figured it doesn't work so I used a more assertive approach... Nowadays it's the other way around. I don't understand people who want to be friends with someone who is romantically interested in them. To me, that is just about the most uncomfortable situation. But why do people do that? Of course as a male, I get the impression that mostly women do that. Are they so desperate for male approval?
Balthazar Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I agree that you should minimize contact with a person you have rejected romantically or vice versa.
paddington bear Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 minimise contact, otherwise it's unfair. Let her have the chance to meet someone else.
carhill Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Never had the issue personally but I do know from being on the other side of the fence that unhealthy women will keep a man on a string (if he lets her) as an interim ego-feed when she's between relationships or having relationship troubles. I'm sure the reverse happens as well. I would opine that women likely deal with the situation more simply because they are generally the pursued.
Author JoeNewbie Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 I would opine that women likely deal with the situation more simply because they are generally the pursued. Very good point. I thought I had seen it all in terms of ego feed and pointless flirting - but I guess life never ceases to surprise me!
Yamaha Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Not close friends. I have a gal I met through as past ex that likes me but I see her as a friend. She tells me she wants more but I have informed her I see her as a friend. I limit my contact with her because if feel it is unfair to her to have her get closer to me. Many women will use a male friend for emotional support even when they know the guy has feelings and I think this is just wrong. (It is his problem if he has feelings). You can have her as an acquaintance but limit your contact as to spare her feelings.
coffeemaker Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I don't understand people who want to be friends with someone who is romantically interested in them. To me, that is just about the most uncomfortable situation. I couldn't agree more. Having been on both sides, it's just uncomfortable either way. Best to stay away and avoid the unnecessary emotional turmoil and drama.
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