LakesideDream Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Lizzie you proved my point. He may enjoy you but you even said he loves his wife. He has no intention of leaving even though he would have a blast on vacation with you too. You don't do a happy little family vacation when you are on the verge of divorce. Nicht very true. Very true. Ah..... I did. A decade ago when still married I was miserable in my marriage. I took the family on a great vacation, spending money I didn't have. Things got better (or so I thought), the ex and I ended up moving to a new city, buying a fixer upper house to work on together (well not so much) ... and starting "over", (again not so much). I have never regretted the vacation. It was the last thing we did together as a family. You say "ten grand", obviously money is a defining standard to you. It's not the same for everyone. I'd rather have a few minutes or hours of true happiness than that "ten thousand dollars". But that's just me.
stoopid_guy Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 How on earth did you widen my narrow view? Well, ya can't blame a guy for trying... Actually, I kind of envy your ability to see things in such black and white. I'm sure it makes life much simpler. Wonder how many brain cells I'd have to kill? In all seriousness, I hope you never need to understand first-hand what the OM/W, BS, or WS go through first-hand. You will have some poor in love young woman waste her time on you while you string her along.... Stoopid guy, dont be mean and nasty to some poor girl... If it makes you feel any better, my lady-friend is in her late 30s and also married with kids, not some poor, naïve single girl waiting for me to divorce. Yes, I'm an OM as well as a WS. Her hubby's a good provider and a good Dad, but totally cold to her physically. So she's a totally selfish cake-eater too. We deserve each other!
Author greengoddess Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 Well, ya can't blame a guy for trying... Actually, I kind of envy your ability to see things in such black and white. I'm sure it makes life much simpler. Wonder how many brain cells I'd have to kill? In all seriousness, I hope you never need to understand first-hand what the OM/W, BS, or WS go through first-hand. If it makes you feel any better, my lady-friend is in her late 30s and also married with kids, not some poor, naïve single girl waiting for me to divorce. Yes, I'm an OM as well as a WS. Her hubby's a good provider and a good Dad, but totally cold to her physically. So she's a totally selfish cake-eater too. We deserve each other! So you will be destroying two families and you are proud of it. Will you be able to look your children in the eyes when they find out. I hope they do not know this woman.
porter218 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I just don't see spending money and your time on a family vacation when you are miserable in your marriage. It makes no sense. People contemplating divorce don't vacation together first. I actually went on a vacation with my H while we were separated upwards of 10k with no intention at the time of getting back together with him. I think family vacations are important and I will never stop splurging on them even if we aren't together. But for him to tell someone that he had a horrible time would be a flat out lie..but I don't doubt that he went back to his gf when we got back and told her it was awful(LOL).
soda Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Stoopid Guy, Have you tried MC with your wife? That requires work, and Stoopid Guy prefers to have his intimacy with no strings attached. He would rather hurt those around him than put forth an honest effort to improve his marriage. He's not "Stoopid Guy," he's Selfish Guy.
Angel1111 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 That requires work, and Stoopid Guy prefers to have his intimacy with no strings attached. He would rather hurt those around him than put forth an honest effort to improve his marriage. He's not "Stoopid Guy," he's Selfish Guy. Wow, this has somehow become an attack on stoopid guy. Interesting. He said he brought up counseling and his wife didn't want to go. You know, there are women out there stupid enough to think that they can ignore the intimacy in their relationship and not put it at risk. And yes I used the word 'stupid' because that's exactly what they're being. And they also think their husband is somehow obligated to be faithful to them, no matter how they're treated, or that he is somehow cornered because he has kids with her. I'm hoping you're not one of those women. Maybe what he's doing isn't right but what his wife is doing is just as wrong as far as I'm concerned. But according to you, she has no accountability. You might want to think about that one again. Also, the OW is a willing party to this and I doubt SG is holding her at gunpoint (unless they're into some kind of kinky sex ). They are two consenting adults who apparently feel lost and lonesome in their marriage, and until you fully understand both of their situations in extreme detail, I wouldn't be so quick to pass judgement. Human nature will do what it does, whether you approve of it or not. And when people feel cornered, then they're usually pretty much like any other cornered animal - their claws will come out or they'll start doing things they wouldn't normally do. Again, it happens whether anyone has your written approval or not. Sorry for the rant but this is truly a pet peeve of mine. The cold, uncaring spouse has no accountability. I call BS on that one.
Cliche Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Stoopid guy, dont be mean and nasty to some poor girl, and draw her into your messed up personal life. Why not leave your wife, start over, and it'll be better for everyone? Don't plan to mess another girl around just to make your life more bearable (when the logical solution is to leave your W anyway-I mean, you have a choice here!). Messing people around to get your jollies makes you a really mean person. You've seen the misery a lot of girls like that go through on this forum-why on earth would you purposely inflict that pain on someone? It's dating while married, and I suspect it is more common than any of us anywhere are willing to admit. I suspect if/when Stoopid Guy meets that woman that he does fall head over heels in love with and wants to spend the rest of his life with, he will leave his wife. But until then, he's just dating. Unfortunately, he's hurting all the women who are loving him until that day. And he's probably causing himself a bit of pain as well..or at least making his life more difficult.
soda Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Wow, this has somehow become an attack on stoopid guy. Interesting. He said he brought up counseling and his wife didn't want to go. You know, there are women out there stupid enough to think that they can ignore the intimacy in their relationship and not put it at risk. And yes I used the word 'stupid' because that's exactly what they're being. And they also think their husband is somehow obligated to be faithful to them, no matter how they're treated, or that he is somehow cornered because he has kids with her. I'm hoping you're not one of those women. Maybe what he's doing isn't right but what his wife is doing is just as wrong as far as I'm concerned. But according to you, she has no accountability. You might want to think about that one again. Also, the OW is a willing party to this and I doubt SG is holding her at gunpoint (unless they're into some kind of kinky sex ). They are two consenting adults who apparently feel lost and lonesome in their marriage, and until you fully understand both of their situations in extreme detail, I wouldn't be so quick to pass judgement. Human nature will do what it does, whether you approve of it or not. And when people feel cornered, then they're usually pretty much like any other cornered animal - their claws will come out or they'll start doing things they wouldn't normally do. Again, it happens whether anyone has your written approval or not. Sorry for the rant but this is truly a pet peeve of mine. The cold, uncaring spouse has no accountability. I call BS on that one. SG's W is doing something wrong by withholding intimacy, and he's proposed counseling to save the marriage, and she refuses to take the steps to save the marriage... Drumroll, please... He can end the marriage. It would certainly be within his right. Then, he's free to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants and he won't be hurting anybody. Nobody is forced to be unfaithful. People CHOOSE to be unfaithful. There is no good argument in favor of infidelity, only a bunch of crummy ones.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 SG's W is doing something wrong by withholding intimacy, and he's proposed counseling to save the marriage, and she refuses to take the steps to save the marriage... Drumroll, please... He can end the marriage. It would certainly be within his right. Then, he's free to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants and he won't be hurting anybody. Nobody is forced to be unfaithful. People CHOOSE to be unfaithful. There is no good argument in favor of infidelity, only a bunch of crummy ones. Maybe they're crummy to you, but perfectly legitimate for another person whose spouse refuses intimacy. Faithfulness is a choice. And perhaps it would be the norm if people stopped keeping score and started actively participating in their M.
Angel1111 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 SG's W is doing something wrong by withholding intimacy, and he's proposed counseling to save the marriage, and she refuses to take the steps to save the marriage... Drumroll, please... He can end the marriage. It would certainly be within his right. Then, he's free to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants and he won't be hurting anybody. Nobody is forced to be unfaithful. People CHOOSE to be unfaithful. There is no good argument in favor of infidelity, only a bunch of crummy ones. Some people may feel that it's more important to stay married than to put their kids through a divorce. I'm not saying I agree with it, I'm saying that's how it is sometimes. If that's the way someone feels and their spouse stonewalls them on all efforts to make it work out, then it probably goes more against their principles to divorce than it does to cheat. So at that dividing line where you think the best option is to end the marriage, someone else may not see it that way. It may be more important to them to keep up the image of having an intact family than it is to stay faithful to a neglectful spouse. And I can kinda see that since the spouse is the adult and the kids are innocent bystanders. So they may figure that if someone's gonna get bitten, then why not the spouse, since he/she is way more accountable than the kids are. Divorce and infidelity are sometimes fine lines for some people and the choices they make depends on which direction they're pulled the most, based on their values. The thing is, you never know what's motivating people and to say that your rules and morals should apply across the board, doesn't work. People have different values and viewpoints. And until you've been in their place, it's probably best not to judge too harshly because you really don't know what the circumstances are exactly.
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