Sunkissedgirl Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I had to find another forum to post in. So I ran across this site. A little about me. Me and my now (ex) dated for a year and 1/2. And I literally met him freshly out of a 15 month tour in Germany. Yes he is in Army Nat'l Guard, so that in itself kinda complicates things even more, and in the beginning I was kinda scared to carry on this type of relationship, because then he knew he would be deploying to the sand box. When we first met, it was great! Deep down, I knew I fell deeply for this guy! SORRY THIS is gonna be long... Then about 6 months ago, we got into a huge argument that unfortunately has caused some resentment and us growing apart. I will just say a situation occured with me and his roomate. He lives with a married couple and the girl was pregnant at that time. Some crap went down, where unfortunately they had gotten into an argument and my name got brought into the argument, where my BF said that I didnt like to go over there because I had to hear her and her husband argue ALL THE time. Which was way out of line, in the first place to bring me into it..... but he didnt get that correct. I hated the fact that she yelled at my boyfriend as if she was his mother and talked down to him like he was a nobody. These two have gotten into arguments right in front of me, and one day he actually left his apartment and I was sitting there shocked.. And after a while it started p***in me off. aAnd yes, I would tell him how I felt. Alot. So needless to say one day I was so mad, because we were having issues so the first people he talked to was them. And they somehow came to the conclusion that I was indeed cheating or probably met another guy. This is a forum where no one truly knows me, so I would have no reason to lie. I truly was not cheating on him at all. There were no signs of it either, and I have not been interested in a guy since I met him. I was so mad and hurt by that. Of course he didnt really take that advice. Even though in the bottom of my heart, since he respected there opinions, somehow he probably questioned it. I may be wrong tho. So needless to say one day I was talking to him and he was asking how I felt, and I said "Why so you can run home and tell HER?" So that pi*sed him off, he couldn't believe I would say something like that. So, i was even more ticked and STUPID STUPID me almost gave him an ultimatim, between me and her. And I had even asked him when his lease was up IF he would move somewhere else, not with her. And he said, he WAS NOT doing that. He had to live there with them, he had no one else and he couldn't live by himself, because of the soon deployment. Moving in with me was OUT of the question. Yes I live out all by myself, so yeas, I do appreciate the peace and quiet. Of course, as we all know, he didnt want to go against his bestest friend in the world and decided that even though his best friends wife is "abrasive" he didnt think it was fair to choose so he broke up with me. And unfortunately he told his roomates of the break up, they werent suprised and in the least bit supportive either. So when he broke up with me, this roomate of his took it upon herself to go into her myspace page and write a blog about how he went ahead and massaged her legs, since she was pregnant and "whining about it" and how her husband was sitting right there and wouldn't do it! So I was livid. I confronted him about it and he said she deliberately did that to make me jealous!! After that I totally wrote her off. I told him I DONT NEED a back stabber in my life. And within a couple of weeks, we talked and talked about the situation, and reconciled and got back together under the impression that I would not have to return to his apartment. So the first couple of months back together were good. He even went to a military training for about a month and we talked and joked back and forth through text message sending each other pictures and talking 1-2 times a day. So fast forward to now. The following months, that whole situation still rested on the back of my mind. Somehow in that situation I felt slighted.And after awhile I would bring this up to him and he would get mad saying he thought that situation was over with. Unfortunately, I felt slighted cause i was being left out of a pretty huge part of his life. And that drew a wedge in between the two of us and I knew it I could feel it then. So we carried on. The question is, how does someone move on from that? Anyways during this time as well, we have both been preparing for an upcoming year long deployment...... (yes I have posted in the military forums)... but anyways, I could feel him getting more and more distant with me and I started feeling less and less of a connection.... until one day I was on the phone with him and he said he would prefer to be single while deployed... unfortunately, he said that and I didn't reply. I actually got off the phone with him and cried. This is why I have been there for him this past year so while he was gone he would have someone to come home to. I waited till I had a cool head to bring it up. So two nights ago, I brought it back up.... and now we are here broken up. I truly do feel like we have lost communication and a connection. He feels that we are not compatible and that we have grown apart. Sometimes, I feel since he is never stationary in one area for more than a year he has a hard time developing long term relationships with people.... and it could come down to he is afraid of commitment for that EXACT reason. He has mentioned to me that I have been his longest relationship and this has probably been the most serious one he has been in. He claims that the other girls he dated, he didn't feel for them like he felt for me. Marriage even crossed his mind during our year together. He said he hasn't felt that way about anyone else either. And another insight from the military forums, says ALOT of guys distance themselves from the person they love and a good majority of them break up within a month of deploying and when things calm down that is the 1st person they call. I see it all to well. Unfortunately, he does have a hard time meeeting females and I have had his friends ask me and beg me "please dont leave him, he truly loves u and you love him!" and i would just smile. So the night we broke up I texted him and was being so mean to him and he just kept apologizing "im so sorry for hurting you. i didn't mean to.." and i told him, that I am packing everything of his up and I want any reminder of him GONE. of course the whole time I was crying and I was just so hurt and mad I didnt know what to say or do.Of course i regret saying that. So he called me and said "Im sorry I have been questioning whether it was the right thing to do, but now its too late. It would be pointless to get back together now." He's afraid my family is gonna hate him. Unfortunately, I guess I could have kept us together before we broke up but passive me just agreed with everything he said and after awhile, my heart hurt so bad, I saw him talking and I just started to cry and agree with him. That wasn't his point I believe he wanted me to argue and say "YEs we can make things work, and this is what we should do... bla bla bla" But i didnt. I just let it go. So now, I am not sure If i should just leave it alone or what? he has gone active duty so he is gone within a few months from now. And he mentioned he would LIKE to call me while he is gone and asked if I would be ok with that. Of course I would be. Honestly, I would prefer it so I know hes ok. I just dont know what to do.
Author Sunkissedgirl Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 im crying my eyes out here/
Author Sunkissedgirl Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Sorry about the bump, but I truly need some advice!!! :'( Im still crying my eyes out and I don't know what to do.
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