0hpenelope Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 As soon as I woke up I started crying. I cried this morning like I haven't in some time. I miss him terribly. I want to talk to him about everything I see, want to come home to him again, want to hear his voice. And I can't, because somehow I met the person with whom I had the most in common of anyone I've ever met in my life but he's not speaking to me.... Do you guys have these days, where it feels like you haven't done any healing at all? How do you break yourself out of it and pick yourself back up? Oh yeah. That demon. This one right here: I want to talk to him about everything I see Yup. What do I do... I recently picked up one of my favorite hobbies again: video games. When it's my own head I'm up against, a thorough distraction of the Strategy-game kind is necessary. Now with school starting up, my brain will be tag-teamed. I read about aerial yoga today and I thought of you. Have you heard of it? It sounds fun. I need to build my upper body strength if I even have a shot at it.
Author sedgwick Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 I read about aerial yoga today and I thought of you. Have you heard of it? It sounds fun. I need to build my upper body strength if I even have a shot at it. Oooo, NO, but that class is one subway stop away from me, and I've been looking for a Tuesday night class! Thank you so much, I'm absolutely trying it this week!!! I'll give you a report! I used to weight-train and I *never* had the upper body strength I got from yoga. It's incredible. But then there's gymnastics, which is a whole 'nother level of that. One of the things that's so awesome about my gymnastics class is that people come from all different physical disciplines. There are two Alvin Ailey dancers and when we do leaps they're just amazing to watch. One of my coaches is Chinese and studied martial arts his whole life, and his upper body strength is just explosive. And then the other day I saw a 52-year-old grandma (and lemme tell ya, she's BUFF) do a roundoff/triple back handspring/layout. It's very, very inspirational.
0hpenelope Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Oooo, NO, but that class is one subway stop away from me, and I've been looking for a Tuesday night class! Thank you so much, I'm absolutely trying it this week!!! I'll give you a report! I used to weight-train and I *never* had the upper body strength I got from yoga. It's incredible. But then there's gymnastics, which is a whole 'nother level of that. One of the things that's so awesome about my gymnastics class is that people come from all different physical disciplines. There are two Alvin Ailey dancers and when we do leaps they're just amazing to watch. One of my coaches is Chinese and studied martial arts his whole life, and his upper body strength is just explosive. And then the other day I saw a 52-year-old grandma (and lemme tell ya, she's BUFF) do a roundoff/triple back handspring/layout. It's very, very inspirational. You know, after seeing gymnastics at the Olympics and hearing you try it, I want to try it out for myself, too... I mean, I thought I was past the age of even attempting it since people who are/were in gymnastics go in the sport so young. And that grandma sounds AWESOME! Definitely inspiring. Get all these little succubi (succubuses?) out of my darn mind. Please do let me know about aerial yoga! And you're most welcome. I'm glad to have helped you somewhat: if this puts you one step closer to your recovery, I can't be happier. I really hope it works out for you, this kind of yoga. It really does sound fun! You can find the article I read here, if you're interested. It's still active and accessible to anyone at the time of this post. Good luck, Ms. Sedg and keep up that awesome personal health goals that you have. You're inspiring me to pursue my own... I do miss yoga.
Author sedgwick Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 Gymnastics is seriously the most fun thing in the world. We have a foam pit and two giant trampolines! If you saw the Olympic trampoline competition, those things bounce CRAZY high and they're really small! It's very easy to fly off of them, which is why they're surrounded by piles of mats. The coaches are great with beginners, you never feel pressured, and it's just a blast. And believe me, it's the hardest workout ever. The fact that anybody can do anything at all on bars just astounds me. Oh, and btw, survival horror games rock. I haven't played one in a long time but my ex (not Joe, another one) and I used to love to play them together. When a new Silent Hill would come out, we wouldn't sleep for three days. One time we spent a whole weekend only leaving the couch to eat and pee. The scariest game we ever played was Fatal Frame -- I'm a horror movie junkie, and that one really freaked me out!
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I had a crazy dream last night,but it was like real life. timing and everything i.e- its been 6 months n/c and thats how it was in my dream So in my dream, I dreamt that I had seen her and we were talking and I asked "how many guys have you fuc*ed" she says"1 serious one and banged a bunch of dudes after the breakup" Thats a quick summary of my dream. I woke up pissed. But layed in bed for a minute to process everything. I came to the conclusion that thats how it most likely would go down in real life so it re assures me that she is a B*tch I try to get something positive out of this and thats that she was never worth the effort. Dreams have meaning(sometimes). I have been having dreams lately of her after 6 months n/c when I didnt have these dreams before. Its weird:confused:
MalachiX Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Believe me, I fight to push him out of my head a million times a day, and if I wrote here every time I had a dream about him, you'd never hear the end of it. I do hang out with my friends and talk about lots of other things. My knees are far too beat up to jog, but I've started taking gymnastics classes and am working toward a back handspring. I'm a writer, I read like a maniac, I'm surrounded constantly by books. So I do try. I *do* do all those things. And I really am much better than I was a year ago. Oh, and I was with him for 10 months, and in love with him from afar for a year before that. The thing is, from your other posts, you still define him as "the man you love." I'm not saying you should stop loving him, that's out of your control, but it seems like you still cling to the idea that he's the only one in the world for you. That's not helping you move on. I don't know what you've discussed with your therapist but it also may be telling that you have apparently mourned this guy longer than you were actually with him. One thing which I see a lot here is people who seem to mythologize their EX (I'm sure I'm guilty of this too). It seems like the EX stops becoming a person and starts becoming a symbol for happiness and hope. I'm going to go so far as to quote a movie that I'm actually not crazy about and say it's almost like Batman Begins (bear with me please, I promise I'm not quite as stupid as I may sound). They say a man can be killed but a legend can't. I think, to a large extent, many of the people here are unable to move on because they turn their previous relationships into the stuff of legends. They're no longer a human being and a relationship that can be forgotten and let go but rather this antithesis of love and relationships. Maybe just letting yourself talk about him in a different context might help you start to view things in a different light, even if it's just subconsiously. Maybe if he's just "my EX" rather than "the man I love who doesn't love me," it'll be easier to stop defining possible happiness in love through him. Of course, if I hit the three year mark of being broken up (thus being longer out of the relationship than in) and I'm still whining about my EX; feel free to kick me in the butt and tell me I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Treasa Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 What instrument does this guy play again? I have a theory.
Author sedgwick Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 What instrument does this guy play again? I have a theory. Upright bass. What's your theory?
Treasa Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Ok, here's my theory: It's not necessarily this dude that's got you all broken up, it's what he represented. You're a lot like me. You're a Type A personality who always drives to learn new things. And I'm willing to bet you like the spotlight or excitement. I'm guessing you like to travel? I don't suppose you happen to be a Sagittarius or a Tiger (Eastern), do you? At any rate, this guy has an exciting life, and is maybe doing something that you want to be doing. I had an ex-boyfriend like that. He had a particular hobby, and I was truly mad about him. When he dumped me, it crushed my heart into little pieces. And then, after a lot of soul-searching, I realized it was because I was no longer involved in the world of that hobby he was into. So you know what? I got into it! The hobby itself in my case doesn't matter, but once I got into it for myself, I found I no longer wanted him. I wanted what he had and what he represented. Now, I know you already have a lot of hobbies, but could you add learning a musical instrument to the list? Heck, even get a PS3 or an XBox 360 and buy Rock Band. I'm so serious about this. Learn a musical instrument. Guitar. Something. And then get out there and play it. But NOT to get him back.
Treasa Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Oh, I'm also sort of wondering if you would be SO hung up over this guy if he suddenly stopped playing bass altogether, was no longer in a band, and worked a regular 9-5 job. I mean, based on the rest of his personality. Just a normal dude, no fans, etc. EDIT: My alternate theory is that you're competitive and overachieving and just can't stand thinking that you might not be enough for someone (even though that isn't rationally the case here).
Author sedgwick Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Your alternate theory is 100% correct. And I would love to be able to learn an instrument, but between being in a dance company, doing yoga and gymnastics, writing a book, making a film, and trying to design and construct this year's line of holiday knitting, I just don't know where I would find the time. Maybe when my book's turned in I can take it on, but until then my editor's kicking my ass and it's all I can do to write the book and show up for all my rehearsals and performances, let alone all the other classes, the film planning, and the knitting/crochet time. This morning my shrink joked that I was going for a "lifetime overachievement award." It breaks my heart that all those things combined couldn't equal for him the talent and skill it takes to play the bass, but oh well. Even the fact that I have a master's in the same subject in which he has a bachelor's (and have an extra bachelor's on top of that) was not enough to convince him that I was his equal. He does have an exciting life, yes; he's in a band and it was great fun to go see him play. But I'm in a regularly-performing dance company, am a published author, just got permission to shoot my first documentary in a location I've been trying to secure for over a year, am making good progress on a full bodysuit of tattoos, and would consider my life to be sort of exciting as well. But I guess it's still not as good as his. Oh, and yes, I'm a travelin' fool. But I'm a Taurus.
Treasa Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 You know as well as I do that it's bull that you weren't good enough for him, or that all of your talents weren't as amazing as his one singular talent. You know it deep down. I can sense the bitterness when you write it. You're mad because you know how awesome you are in some way, and can't stand that it's not enough for him to want to be with you. Unfortunately, you could be the most amazing person in the world (and I'm sure you're right up there), but still not be the person that some people want. It's NOT a reflection on you as a person. It's a reflection that person just wanting something else. I think you want to hear other people tell you how awesome you are because you're afraid to say it yourself. You don't want to sound cocky, don't want to embrace how great you are, because you're fearful of somehow jinxing it or losing it or being proven wrong. I firmly believe that if this guy didn't do what he does for a living, and if he wanted to be with you, you'd lose interest in him. I mean, if all other factors remained the same. I don't think he's good enough for you, and I think you know it. I'm an overachiever, too. In between losing 120 pounds, going from being a couch potato to running a half marathon, and taking up three separate martial arts in addition to graduating from college with honors and landing a good job in my field after only sending out two resumes, I sometimes wonder when it's going to be enough for myself. At some point you need to realize that you ARE enough, already.
Author sedgwick Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 Wow, that's amazing you did all that! Go you!! It does hurt a lot that he didn't want to be with me, when I never did anything but love him with all my heart and go out of my way to be good to him. He used to tell me all the time how I was the most understanding gf he'd ever had. But it wasn't enough to keep him from just suddenly leaving one day, and giving me as the sole reason the fact that I wasn't the EXACT SAME KIND of artist as he is. It hurts so much that I poured my heart into this for a year, and he didn't even get attached enough to have any compunction about just randomly dumping me one morning for not being a musician. It's so weird...I haven't seen him since that morning when he walked out the door. Sometimes it doesn't even seem like any of it ever really happened. It's like, I had this amazing relationship, this beautiful thing, I was the happiest I've ever been in my life, and then all of a sudden, poof, it was instantaneously gone.
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