Jersey Shortie Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 If you are a guy that was cheated on in his relationship, and you decided to break up with the woman because of it, how long did it take you to get over the fact that you were cheated on and have healthy relationships with other women? I basically want to know what goes on in the head of a man that was cheated by an ex and what he does to get over it and how long it takes him. The guy I am currently seeing was cheated on by his ex and I think it has caused massive trust issues for him. Along with the fact that his parents didn't really have a good marriage and he actually wanted them to get divorced because of all the fighting.
reservoirdog1 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I was massively cheated on by my XW. However, I didn't develop any trust issues over it. I've been in a number of short-term "relationships" (2-3 months max) and just ended one that lasted 2 years, and I didn't have problems trusting. It probably depends on the guy in question, but for me the only automatic trust issues I think I would have developed would have been if the girl had been very similar in demeanour to my XW.
Woggle Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I was cheated on and I still have trust issues with women. For a man to treat a woman right and do everything that most women say they want only to be betrayed and have it blow up in their face hurts like hell. It is a horrible feeling to have that thrown in your face and it takes a while for a man to trust again because you start to feel like all women are untrustworthy.
zxcirce Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I think it depends on the man's ability to separate "the woman who cheated on him" from "women in general"....as in doesn't become bitter and start thinking "all women are this way." Also helpful is the ability to separate their view of themselves from someone else's actions--as in, not taking a partner's unfaithfulness as a blow to their self-worth. Same goes for a woman who's been betrayed. Some people get to this point quickly, and some never do and see the world through the veil of their previous experiences, which is really sad. I've been burned before but I try very hard go into new relationships trusting until I'm given a reason not to. I believe in living and loving fully.
MinusTwo Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I was in a 5 year relationship and was cheated on 3 times (that I know of). It's been about 4 years since the relationship ended, and it's definitely still a lingering issue. I have trouble trusting women, and I have this defeatist attitude that every relationship will eventually end with her cheating on me.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 I think it depends on the man's ability to separate "the woman who cheated on him" from "women in general"....as in doesn't become bitter and start thinking "all women are this way." Zx, I even have trouble doing that with men. How do you do that? Minus two, what made you stay with her for so long? I also face the issue of having certain fears that future relationships will end like past ones. We learn from our experiences so if our experiences taught us one thing about one person, sometimes it is hard to seperate. ALthough I wish I knew how to do that myself.
jadedone Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 If you would like to make things work with your bf, you could try to minimize things that cause him to not trust you. Don't hang out alone with guys. Or if you do don't try to hide it by playing the pronoun game. "Oh, I"m out with A friend". "THEY wanted to hang out" Use he/she or their name so it doesn't look like your are hiding something. My ex didn't cheat, but it annoyed the hell out of me that she would use "a friend" or "they" "their" instead of just saying upfront that she was hanging out with a male friend.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 He has alot of girls that our friends. I am not stopping to hang out with my male friends.
nopainnogain Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 for me. It took 3 months to get over the kanieving ex . 6 year R. I still hurt. But thats how long it took to be able to go out with girlds again.
MinusTwo Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Zx, I even have trouble doing that with men. How do you do that? Minus two, what made you stay with her for so long? I also face the issue of having certain fears that future relationships will end like past ones. We learn from our experiences so if our experiences taught us one thing about one person, sometimes it is hard to seperate. ALthough I wish I knew how to do that myself. Comfort. That and I felt like I wouldn't ever get someone as good looking as her again. I was young and immature (still am, but a little more mature now ).
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