Author so gutted Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 Well he didnt call. i still feel as bad as i did about it yesterday. WHEN will this get better?
Author so gutted Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 I am thinking of texting him. I know this is despertae. SOMEBODY STOP ME
carhill Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Throw the phone in the washing machine and start the spin cycle
Jilly Bean Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 I think the real problem here, SO, is how emotionally unstable you are. Go read the postings from women who have been cheated on in 20-year marriages. You are carrying on at the same level! Entirely inappropriate, and entirely unhealthy. How old are you, BTW? I remember from your post about considering a marriage proposal from someone you've never met. It just seems that you have a very altered state of reality, and that your ability to process situations properly is not intact. What is your romantic history like? Have you never had a BF, been engaged, lived with a man? I ask because if this amount of hysteria occurs from ONE date, I can't imagine many men sticking around for this.
Author so gutted Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 But the point is - HE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THE HYSTERIA....because its all on here. i have had very on and off relationships. Im am 31. Never lived with a man. I just want/expect him to call. whats so wrong with that?
serialgf Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 hey so_gutted: good to hear that you have managed to not call him - way to hang in there! tonight is your night out with the girls right? just focus on what you're going to do tonight - where you'll go, what you'll wear, etc. text your girfriends instead! i know its difficult to succumb to the temptation but just don't call or text him - at least try to make it through the weekend! just keep tellling yourself - he knows your number, if he wants to talk to you he'll talk. calling him or texting him will not do any good if he's not into you anyway. so you're better off not calling/texting him. and besides, guys like it when a girl is independent - its an attractive quallity. so go out with the girls, get all super-cute, and when he eventually calls you you can tell him all about what you've been doing since you guys last talked.] hang in there - you're right in thinking that he can't read your mind - he doesn't know everything you think about - and chances are he probably is still interested. i think maybe if you haven't talked by monday, give him a call then - i would recommend against a text though but that's just cuz i personally think texts are a horrendous way to communicate, especially with someone you've just met hope the advice helps and that it works out for the best! i think if nothing else, this has been a good exercise in self-control for you!!
carhill Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Any helpful advice? The helpful part is finding a sense of humour about these things. I conjured up the image of him ringing you while your phone was banging around in the washer and it answering and him wondering what all that godforsaken noise was. It's called laughing at the inanity of it all. Someday, when you're married, you'll understand exactly what I mean
Shygirl15 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 i have had very on and off relationships. Im am 31. Never lived with a man. Take care of your insecurities and emotional issues, and you'll find one that wants to stay with you. Don't mean to sound harsh but this thread is simply ridiculous.
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Come on ! He sucked and sucked on your neck until the blood rose to the surface creating the bruise ~ effect hickey. This is not herpes. Its a hickey. He should not be forgiven for something you BOTH did together. If a hickey mortifies you what would FULL blown SEX do to you ?
Jilly Bean Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 But the point is - HE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THE HYSTERIA....because its all on here. i have had very on and off relationships. Im am 31. Never lived with a man. I just want/expect him to call. whats so wrong with that? Yes, but we're not talking about him - we're talking about the underlying pathology of how your reactions are not based in reality. And no - this kind of ranting, emotional energy and hysteria from ONE date is extremely unhealthy. What has been your longest relationship, SG? What was it like? Calm and smooth, or a lot of drama and tension?
Author so gutted Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 You will not believe this. He texted me, while i was out laughing and enjoying myself ( but still thinking of him!). He asked why i had disappeared. I texted him back and HE sugeested we meet for a coffee to avoid further texting. So I ran along - as I wasnt far from where he wanted to meet and i knew i looked good. [i also knew i shouldnt jump along to his requests]. Ok - we got talking. I ascertained the following: 1) He was a little shocked by my reaction to the hickeys. I explained that I am a very private shy person, and people at work dont know about my private life but joke that there must be more to me then meets the eye etc. If they had seen the hickeys i would have to explain and i didnt want to do that etc etc. 2) He is divorced. He claimed he told me this. BUT HE DIDNT. he had a 4yr marriage where they grew apart.???? [i dont know if this bothers me or not yet]. 3) He said he had been working late each day.i met him after work today. [ Still could have texted me ] 4) He said he called on weds to arrange date thurs and i didnt pick up. He said that when the calls go straight to voicemail - he doesnt get a notifacation of it. [i dont think i believe this]. 5) He was talking generally about marrying outside of the race (we are different races). This bugs me - because he is hinting what if i was to present him to my family etc......this is dangerous hinting.very. WHY DID HE SAY THAT? 6) He asked me about previous sex life. I admitted the truth. [He has had more sex then me .....and that worries me...what worries me the most is that if we have sex and its BAD SEX......] Also - i casually inserted in my real name and location.i didnt get the age in yet. He cut the meeting short coz it was late. [this is worrying me]. We kissed, there was definete DEFINETE CHEMISTRY but luckily ( thank you god) i was on my period so nothing could happen. I have realised that all this new information might KILL me with worry. I hate all this waiting around. he left it with a casual - we will call each other and arrange to meet for a drink. [more waiting for me]. This is all too much.
Jilly Bean Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 [i dont know if this bothers me or not yet[/b]]. 3) He said he had been working late each day.i met him after work today. [ Still could have texted me ] 4) He said he called on weds to arrange date thurs and i didnt pick up. He said that when the calls go straight to voicemail - he doesnt get a notifacation of it. [i dont think i believe this]. 5) He was talking generally about marrying outside of the race (we are different races). This bugs me - because he is hinting what if i was to present him to my family etc......this is dangerous hinting.very. WHY DID HE SAY THAT? 6) He asked me about previous sex life. I admitted the truth. [He has had more sex then me .....and that worries me...what worries me the most is that if we have sex and its BAD SEX......] Also - i casually inserted in my real name and location.i didnt get the age in yet. He cut the meeting short coz it was late. [this is worrying me]. We kissed, there was definete DEFINETE CHEMISTRY but luckily ( thank you god) i was on my period so nothing could happen. I have realised that all this new information might KILL me with worry. I hate all this waiting around. he left it with a casual - we will call each other and arrange to meet for a drink. [more waiting for me]. This is all too much. I can't say it enough. If you are this emotionally unstable to react like this you have NO business dating. Do this guy a favor and spare him from the facade. It will crack, and soon, and no one deserves this kind of fall-out from casual dating.
Author so gutted Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 Why are you speechless? these are observations. He doesnt know i am thinking this......i might appear normal to him and he didnt overreact about the name etc....tursn out he had skeletons of his own re the divorce.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Are you a cancer by any chance? Only cancers overreact in such a way as to border the line of obsessive. My ex was a cancer, and boy did the drama burn out fast. Can't handle him. As I've said before, you need to work on yourself. You can't control other people's actions and/or feelings. The only person you are in control of is you.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Why are you speechless? these are observations. He doesnt know i am thinking this......i might appear normal to him and he didnt overreact about the name etc....tursn out he had skeletons of his own re the divorce. But you have more skeletons than him. Obsessive, low self esteem, codependency (on men)... etc... need I say more?
Author so gutted Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 So what are ypu saying - I shouldnt go forward with this? How can I change my ways without experience. I am not a cancer. But I do worry about everything all the time, to the extent i cannot sleep. I fancy him and that feeling occurs once ina lifetime for me.
Kamille Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 So what are ypu saying - I shouldnt go forward with this? What we have a tendency to do here on LS is overanalyze and read between the lines but how about you just take a few days to sit back and enjoy the fact that you two hung out and that it went really well? How can I change my ways without experience. I am not a cancer. But I do worry about everything all the time, to the extent i cannot sleep. Well you have to want to change your ways for yourself. Do you? Is worrying serving any purpose in your life? Perhaps it's your own way to 'protect' yourself from the outside world? I'm also wondering why you are already worrying so much about this guy... Did you get really hurt in the past So G? I fancy him and that feeling occurs once ina lifetime for me. If this is the first time you've ever felt this way about someone, how would you know it'll only happen once?
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 There is HUGE over obsessing here about what I don't even know... You can't HIDE the skeletons honey , they will come out and when they DO this guy or any other guy will SMELL them if not SEE them. Get right with yourself , get some counseling , some stability and THEN go out on dates. If you think you can wear the bandaids to hide the wounds and the guys will never see the wounds , you are wrong .
Jilly Bean Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I do worry about everything all the time, to the extent i cannot sleep. I fancy him and that feeling occurs once ina lifetime for me. Oh, my. SG - I strongly suggest finding a new psychiatrist. Preferably one who can prescribe medication. If you are as worried about everything in your life as you have shown here after ONE date with a guy, then I imagine you must be a nervous wreck all day long and your life is in constant disarray. And after one date you are having once in a lifetime feelings? Again - seriously - NOT trying to be mean here, but you are in need of solid professional help. NOT because of your issue, as many women will become insecure or edgy while dating, but because of your extreme reactions and emotional instability. They are neither normal nor healthy, and no one here is going to be able to solve your issues.
Author so gutted Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Oh, my. SG - I strongly suggest finding a new psychiatrist. Preferably one who can prescribe medication. If you are as worried about everything in your life as you have shown here after ONE date with a guy, then I imagine you must be a nervous wreck all day long and your life is in constant disarray. And after one date you are having once in a lifetime feelings? Again - seriously - NOT trying to be mean here, but you are in need of solid professional help. NOT because of your issue, as many women will become insecure or edgy while dating, but because of your extreme reactions and emotional instability. They are neither normal nor healthy, and no one here is going to be able to solve your issues. Yes I worry but that doesnt mean I cant have a relationship? Its good to be suspicious especially since he is divorced. I have seen a few counsellors. They dont really help - its a rip off. My issues stem from the fact that i havnt had a real relationship/I havnt live with anyone before.
Jilly Bean Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I have seen a few counsellors. They dont really help - its a rip off. My issues stem from the fact that i havnt had a real relationship/I havnt live with anyone before. And what do you think the reason is you haven't had a relationship?
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