katherinev87 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 ok...I have to say it. I lol'd at this thread. To the OP....honey, you need to move on. In reality, there's not much to move on from...but from the sounds of it, your over-thinking has blown this situation way out of proportion. Take it for what it was....one date, a few unsuccessfull half-hearted attempts at contact, without any follow up...and that's IT. MOVE ON!
Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 So_G: Did you expect him to take his profile down after one date? Did you expect exclusivity after one date? Is this how you approach all new dating situations?
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 ok i guess i have to accept that, which i am finding very hard.
serialgf Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 no. don't call him. and stop playing games and actually pick up the phone when he calls you can't you see how you are setting yourself up for disappointment? i mean you work yourself up by getting dolled up etc in case he calls and then when he actually does call you don't pick up the phone?!? please, sweetie, get it together and honestly grow up a little bit. i mean we all do immature things but honestly if you want this seed to grow into a relationship you have to take care of it - and that means picking up your phone when he calls. it also means not calling him or texting him anymore. baby steps please post here before you do anything hasty do you have friends (preferably female) who you can make plans with tonight to get your mind off of this? good luck, girl!
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 So_G: Did you expect him to take his profile down after one date? Did you expect exclusivity after one date? Is this how you approach all new dating situations? i didnt expect exclusivity as such. I just didnt think he would try and call me and then go straight online! I am tall, slim attractive and intelligent. I am a GOOD MATCH FOR HIM. He should be grateful.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 no. don't call him. and stop playing games and actually pick up the phone when he calls you can't you see how you are setting yourself up for disappointment? i mean you work yourself up by getting dolled up etc in case he calls and then when he actually does call you don't pick up the phone?!? please, sweetie, get it together and honestly grow up a little bit. i mean we all do immature things but honestly if you want this seed to grow into a relationship you have to take care of it - and that means picking up your phone when he calls. it also means not calling him or texting him anymore. baby steps please post here before you do anything hasty do you have friends (preferably female) who you can make plans with tonight to get your mind off of this? good luck, girl! so i pick up the phone but i dont call??? why cant i call???? thanks - i really need you guys to talk to before i do something desperate and then wait around. tommorow im going out with soem girls. i will get dolled up. i just hope that helps.
Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 i didnt expect exclusivity as such. I just didnt think he would try and call me and then go straight online! I am tall, slim attractive and intelligent. I am a GOOD MATCH FOR HIM. He should be grateful. Why wouldn't he go straight online, unless you think he's supposed to think "I just met my future wife, I must save myself for her IMMEDIATELY!!!"???? I do it all the time. In fact, I had a great second date with a guy last night, and the first thing I did when I got home was get online to check emails, and found one from a site and had to log on. The fact that I got online doesn't devalue the good times spent on the date AT ALL. It shouldn't for him/you either. Whether you are a GOOD MATCH for him has yet to be seen. (1) He BARELY knows you, and you BARELY know him. You had ONE DATE. There's NO WAY you can know whether or not you're compatible this early on. (2) Your thought process/behavior demonstrates that you're probably not emotionally capable of handling a relationship right now. If he's looking for someone more stable, you probably aren't a good match.
Shygirl15 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 i didnt expect exclusivity as such. I just didnt think he would try and call me and then go straight online! I am tall, slim attractive and intelligent. I am a GOOD MATCH FOR HIM. He should be grateful. Apparently, that's not all it takes to be a good match for someone. Sorry. Chemistry is very important, and looks like he's not feeling it.
Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Apparently, that's not all it takes to be a good match for someone. Sorry. Chemistry is very important, and looks like he's not feeling it. That's not necessarily true AT ALL. Feeling chemistry doesn't mean you go immediately remove your profile and stop dating others. THAT would be crazy.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 That's not necessarily true AT ALL. Feeling chemistry doesn't mean you go immediately remove your profile and stop dating others. THAT would be crazy. well he got chemistry. He is just being a PLAYER.
serialgf Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 no problem babe i say you don't call but pick up when he calls because the last time you actually talked, you were the one who called. also, if i've got it straight, you're also the one who has been initiating most of the calls/texts that have occurred. also the last couple of times he called you, if i'm not mistaken, you didn't pick up then called him minutes later... from my experience, that makes it pretty obvious to him that you're playing games, which you were. but you're gonna stop that now right? so in my opinion, b it communicates to him that you both respect his boundaries and are NOT playing games if you wait for him to call like a mature and patient lady and then pick up the phone in a courteous way. then you can have a grown-up conversation where you don't make him feel bad. by doing that then one of two things will happen: a) you will make plans to see each other again or b) you will find out that he's not interested in pursuing it any further and you will accept that because its okay and normal because you only went on one date! tada! about him checking the dating site right after he called you... you're definitely overthinking that one - don't even worry about it! but while you are thinking about it, think about it this way - at least he called you before checking the website and not the other way around! maybe he felt disappointed that you didn't pick up so he thought he'd boost his ego by checking the site - who knows! i always positively, because even if i am wrong, at least i feel good while i'm waiting to find out what's going on! keep your head up girl and remember that you have a bunch of people to run your ideas through here on LS before you go making any more calls that you'll regret! i have faith that things will look up for you! you already sound like you're taking at least some of the advice that you're being given here and i'm pretty sure that's a good thing! and lastly, yes getting dolled up for your girlfriends and going out with them tomorrow will make you feel better! love, serialgf
Kamille Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Honestly - a lot of people are jumping to the conclusion that he's not into So gutted and that she should move on when really he is showing some interest. After one date some interest is healthy. I for one believe that in the initial stages of dating 'he's just not that into you' is to be taken with a grain of salt. I should know, my ex thought I was the one after one date and really, it only caused more harm then good. They're at a point where they're basically strangers to each other. He is showing signs of wanting to know her more. (texting, calling). Should he be 100% devoted to her already, as she herself belief? Nooo! That would be unbalanced. Remember people, he doesn't have access to what she's posting here. He had one nice date with a woman who got upset when he gave her hickeys, they tried to contact, it didn't pan out. Ah well. So Gutted, if you want, call him - but leave a message this time. It will at least dismiss all the confusion about his intentions. I suggest you tell him you saw (were pleased to see) that he called - that way he has to tell you why he called. And sorry So Gutted, but your approach to this is unbalanced.
serialgf Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 i think Kamille has a good perspective on this. even though her advice is a little different than mine
Shygirl15 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 well he got chemistry. He is just being a PLAYER. A player with chemistry. Okay.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Honestly - a lot of people are jumping to the conclusion that he's not into So gutted and that she should move on when really he is showing some interest. . thanks BOTH. Well i must admit my gut is telling me HE ISNT THAT INTO ME. He knew if he wanted to make plans to meet he could ahve just sent 1 text thats how things work. The fact that he didnt leave a message indicates something. I want to text him and see if he responds but then I never get to know if he would have called. Also the hickey thing - i ranted on here about it. I did not rant to him. I mildly told him off. I really thought the passion was there if nothing else. Also - he does not know about my lies....so it cannoty be that. I just know that when a guy is after you - he calls and calls and calls. I havnt had that from him.
Kamille Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 i think Kamille has a good perspective on this. even though her advice is a little different than mine I was writing when you posted and I like yours too. So_Gutted, it is up to you whether you call or not. One thing Serialgf and I both agree on though: next time he calls, pick up the phone. There's no need playing game when you've got game.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 no problem babe i say you don't call but pick up when he calls because the last time you actually talked, you were the one who called. also, if i've got it straight, you're also the one who has been initiating most of the calls/texts that have occurred. also the last couple of times he called you, if i'm not mistaken, you didn't pick up then called him minutes later... from my experience, that makes it pretty obvious to him that you're playing games, which you were. but you're gonna stop that now right? so in my opinion, b it communicates to him that you both respect his boundaries and are NOT playing games if you wait for him to call like a mature and patient lady and then pick up the phone in a courteous way. then you can have a grown-up conversation where you don't make him feel bad. by doing that then one of two things will happen: a) you will make plans to see each other again or b) you will find out that he's not interested in pursuing it any further and you will accept that because its okay and normal because you only went on one date! tada! about him checking the dating site right after he called you... you're definitely overthinking that one - don't even worry about it! but while you are thinking about it, think about it this way - at least he called you before checking the website and not the other way around! maybe he felt disappointed that you didn't pick up so he thought he'd boost his ego by checking the site - who knows! i always positively, because even if i am wrong, at least i feel good while i'm waiting to find out what's going on! keep your head up girl and remember that you have a bunch of people to run your ideas through here on LS before you go making any more calls that you'll regret! i have faith that things will look up for you! you already sound like you're taking at least some of the advice that you're being given here and i'm pretty sure that's a good thing! and lastly, yes getting dolled up for your girlfriends and going out with them tomorrow will make you feel better! love, serialgf very good posting!!! i texted him once. i called him back one. I am going out tommorow- i just gotta find things to do over the weekend so i dont mope - like like week and i dont WAIT.
LionLover Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 OP, I've read a lot of your posts and it seems as though you jump from one guy to the next and very quickly. I think that is the most unhealthiest thing a person can do for themselves because it just drags baggage from the last one, to the next without giving any room in between to resolve anything. We all have our idiosycrancies but I think in your particular situation, perhaps the best thing to do for yourself is take an extended break from dating altogether for an indefinite period of time. You really need to focus on yourself first & there is no room to do that or at least attempt to do that if your jumping from one to the next.
serialgf Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 thanks BOTH. Well i must admit my gut is telling me HE ISNT THAT INTO ME. He knew if he wanted to make plans to meet he could ahve just sent 1 text thats how things work. The fact that he didnt leave a message indicates something. NOT NECESSARILY TRUE. YOU CANT READ HIS MIND AND FURTHER WHEN YOU CALLED HIM BACK YOU DIDN'T LEAVE A MESSAGE SO WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT INDICATES TO HIM? I want to text him and see if he responds but then I never get to know if he would have called. JUST EXERT A LITTLE PATIENCE AND DON'T TEXT HIM. THEN YOU WILL KNOW IF HE'LL CALL. JUST THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY: THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW - YOU CAN TEXT HIM THEN. IT REALLY HASN'T BEEN THAT LONG SINCE YOUR FIRST DATE. Also the hickey thing - i ranted on here about it. I did not rant to him. I mildly told him off. GOOD I really thought the passion was there if nothing else. Also - he does not know about my lies....so it cannoty be that. YEAH FORGET ABOUT THIS ELEMENT OF THINGS FOR NOW. ITS ONLY WORTH WORRRYING ABOUT IF THERE IS TO BE A 2ND DATE I just know that when a guy is after you - he calls and calls and calls. NOT NECESSARILY - THIS IS JUST YOUR EXPERIENCE UP TO NOW. LOTS OF GUYS DON'T CALL AND CALL... PLENTY OF GUYS DON'T CALL THAT OFTEN EVEN IF (AND SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY IF) THEY REALLY LIKE THE GIRL BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO TURN HER OFF I havnt had that from him. I propose that for today you just let this go - if he calls pick it up but otherwise don't spend any more mental energy on it today - we'll deal with it tomorrow!
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 I took a one year break and got very depressed. If I am not seeing anyone I have nothing else to do. Its rare that I see my friends. People are too busy.
serialgf Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 sorry if its confusing but in my last post i quoted your response and wrote my answers in CAPS sorry again.. its my first time responding within a quote...
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Yes - only 3 weeks ago I was seeing another man.I finished with him (well i vanished on him) after he thought it was ok for me to be his main girl while he slept with 2 other casuals. I walked. This one - i was speaking to on and off before and we started speaking on the phone. After we met the speaking went.
Kamille Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 thanks BOTH. Well i must admit my gut is telling me HE ISNT THAT INTO ME. He knew if he wanted to make plans to meet he could ahve just sent 1 text thats how things work. The fact that he didnt leave a message indicates something. Two things on this one: 1)the problem is that you want him to be crazy into you the same way you seem to be crazy into him here - so much so that he stops living and functionning. What I don't like about the "into you" philosophy is that to me it's a bit extreme. A lot of people tout it believing a guy has to be instantly devoted to a woman or else it'll never work. Question is, how long do you think it takes before you know someone enough to want to commit to them? In my book and experience, it's better when it takes more then one date. 2) I agree with you and Serialgf... being that you think he isn't that into you - then I suggest you wait for him to call (else those doubts will keep gnawing at you). I just know that when a guy is after you - he calls and calls and calls. I havnt had that from him. Serialgf said it best. Not everyone acts like that. Often impulsive people do - but in my mind, the 'great boyfriend' knows how to pace himself. You have had attempts at contact from him. But I'm with Serial: let it go for tonight.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 thanks - im lettingit go for tonight.......... THANKS ALL
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