whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 He said that he was really busy with work and we would see how we go by thurs. If he was really interested he would make all kinds of effort to get together with you. He hasn't and him telling you he's busy with work, and see how things go by Thursday IS telling you (he's hinting, hoping you'll get it) that he isn't into you. Sorry.
carhill Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 why are you bringing up that guy for ??? he is stilll contacting me for marraige. im outta that one. i do listen to you lot. HELP ME HERE PLEASE. Your history is important to understanding your present. I picked one anecdote out of many. I have a similar psychology so recognize the patterns. You're getting good advice here (from others), IMO.
Jilly Bean Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Not a chance, eh... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138816/ Oh, my! NOW I remember this. So gutted, please let me try to say this as gently as possible. I think you show some very distinct signs of mental illness. I'm not trying to be mean here, honestly. But you seem to take potentially lovely situations and completely trash and dessimate them and then have no clue how it happened, while you are looking at the shattered pieces. I honestly think this guy has gotten wind of your craziness, and is running for the hills. Giving fake names on dates? Hon, you can give a man your real FIRST name, and not have to give more detail than that. In fact, most men won't press it early on, as everyone is trying to protect themselves as well. And you lied about your age? Not cool, on top of all the other infractions. So Gutted - would you consider some kind of therapy? I saw this because the way you process things seems to be really off. That was clear from the other thread about the marriage guy.
Author so gutted Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 Oh, my! NOW I remember this. I honestly think this guy has gotten wind of your craziness, and is running for the hills.] He cannot have gotten wind of my craziness - becuase he doesnt know any of this yet. This makes me super worried because if he doesnt know this - why isnt he calling? i reckon he is being non commital. I havnt heard anything but i am still expecting a text tommorow...... if he does text - how do i play it? if he doesnt call - i will be really puzzled. he doesnt know about my lies...so this can only mean he has gone of me. i cant contact him again. so im playing the stupid waiting game. we joked about the waiting game, and he said he doesnt do that. how did i read the signs so badly? i realize i do have issues. i have seen a few counsellors and i find them unhelpful.
serialgf Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 If he was really interested he would make all kinds of effort to get together with you. He hasn't and him telling you he's busy with work, and see how things go by Thursday IS telling you (he's hinting, hoping you'll get it) that he isn't into you. Sorry. i agree with this assessment of the situation. by telling you we'll see by thursday he was trying to let you down easy - guys like doing things like that because the last thing they want to deal with is a scorned girl who is going to get upset. now you are saying you enjoyed your date. when you first posted about it you were livid about the hickeys and you just wanted him to call you so you could ream him out... in any case at this point you are pursuing him and that is a turn-off, combined with the fact that your first date (and the aftermath of it) didn't go very well to me it is pretty clear that this guy is giving you the cold shoulder and has moved on - you should do the same thing. shake it off, its no big deal, it's just casual dating, you're supposed to learn from what went wrong and then apply what you've learned from this experience to future dates forget about lying about your ID - its a moot point now - it will only be relevant if and thats a big IF you guys go out again - and if that happens then deal with it when it happens i hope you will be able to learn from this experience - i wish you luck and just because you have some mental issues doesn't mean that you don't deserve and can't have a loving relationship - keep your head up and keep posting! oh and your giving him sh*t for the hickeys yet constantly texting/calling to talk to him sent him a big red PSYCHO flag - guys are really sensitive to "psycho" chicks - and i'm using the term psycho the way my guy friends use it to describe a crazy girl, i am not insinuating anything about your mental state - i am not a mental health professional...
Author so gutted Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 i agree with this assessment of the situation. by telling you we'll see by thursday he was trying to let you down easy - guys like doing things like that because the last thing they want to deal with is a scorned girl who is going to get upset. now you are saying you enjoyed your date. when you first posted about it you were livid about the hickeys and you just wanted him to call you so you could ream him out... in any case at this point you are pursuing him and that is a turn-off, combined with the fact that your first date (and the aftermath of it) didn't go very well to me it is pretty clear that this guy is giving you the cold shoulder and has moved on - you should do the same thing. shake it off, its no big deal, it's just casual dating, you're supposed to learn from what went wrong and then apply what you've learned from this experience to future dates forget about lying about your ID - its a moot point now - it will only be relevant if and thats a big IF you guys go out again - and if that happens then deal with it when it happens i hope you will be able to learn from this experience - i wish you luck and just because you have some mental issues doesn't mean that you don't deserve and can't have a loving relationship - keep your head up and keep posting! oh and your giving him sh*t for the hickeys yet constantly texting/calling to talk to him sent him a big red PSYCHO flag - guys are really sensitive to "psycho" chicks - and i'm using the term psycho the way my guy friends use it to describe a crazy girl, i am not insinuating anything about your mental state - i am not a mental health professional... thanks. the posting about the hickeys. i had a mild go at him. i said "look what u have done". since then he has texted me, including 2 evenings later he wanted to meet for a drink. also when he came back from his trip - he texted me. i texted him the day after - just 1 text - asking him if he had recovered from his trip? thats all i said....... is that really desperation???? i agree he isnt making an effort and i dont believe the work excuse. and giving me a vague date of thursday - with no plan and no confirmation isnt looking good at all. but why would he text me beforhand then - wouldnt he just not contact me at all???
Kamille Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 So gutted, please consider giving out your real age on your profile and perhaps your real first name. I'm intrigued though - I joined at dating site once and we had to pick made up usernames much like here and could give out our real name once we decided we wanted to meet someone... Is that when you gave out a made-up name? In this instance, i would suggest giving out your real first name and say you would rather keep your last name and professional information private until a later time.
Author so gutted Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 He called. I let it go to voicemail. he didnt leave a message. i called back 20 mins later - it went straight to voicemail. why dint he leave a messsage? why did he call? if he wanted to meet he would leave a message. should i text him or leave it ? this is so cofusing - he is making a half baked effort here...just when he knows he is running out of time. this is making me ill. what do i do. i want to see him tommorow but feel he isnt really making an effort. also i am on my period.
Author so gutted Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 he called. it went to voicemail. i called back - it went to his voicemail. none of us left messages. does this means he wants to meet tommorow or not? is he not leaving a message in case i reject him for a drink again? what do i do if he texts me tomorow to meet. i want to meet him. i want to tell him the truth but im sh*t scared and i dont know how keen he is? i am on my period.
Author so gutted Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 i just did an anonomous check and he is online on the site we met from. what a depressing confirmation of my earlier gut thoughts. he has moved on.
Author so gutted Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 he is still online. this is really upsetting.
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Do you honestly expect him to remove his profile and become exclusive with you after ONE date? Even if it was perfect, that would be highly unreasonable.
Author so gutted Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 yes i did. i havnt logged in. he is in the chatroom. there is no denying it. i am totally confused and angry at myself for falling for him. he only called me half heartedly and then logged on. he is looking for a fk.
Kamille Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Good news! He called! Ok so he didn't leave a message but he called. And of course you can't expect him to erase his profile after one date. He was supposed to text you tomorow anyways with the plans right? Well give him one more day? And what's with "he knows his time is running out" drama? What time? How is he supposed to know his time is running out? Why should he be fully entirely devoted to you after one date? Listen, he called once, he'll get in touch with you again. Now relax and get away from the computer screen and stop torturing yourself with negative thoughts!
itgirlragdoll Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 yes i did. i havnt logged in. he is in the chatroom. there is no denying it. i am totally confused and angry at myself for falling for him. he only called me half heartedly and then logged on. he is looking for a fk. Your expectations are unrealistic. After ONE (somewhat unsuccessful) date to expect somebody who had previously been active on a dating site to become inactive, is ridiculous. I have been seeing my boyfriend for three months and still occasionally check my profile on a dating site. Really, it's none of your business at this point. He owes you nothing. AND, you should be angry at yourself for falling for him! If you "fall for" someone after one date, you have some serious issues. One date. Honestly.
shadowplay Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 AND, you should be angry at yourself for falling for him! If you "fall for" someone after one date, you have some serious issues. One date. Honestly. OK, that's really bitchy and harsh. It may be unhealthy for so_gutted to fall for a guy after one date, but that doesn't mean she should be angy at herself. Sheesh.
D-Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 OK, that's really bitchy and harsh. It may be unhealthy for so_gutted to fall for a guy after one date, but that doesn't mean she should be angy at herself. Sheesh. Perhaps not angry at herself- but the whole experience is something to learn from. Perhaps understanding it's best to be cautious with feelings in the initial stages is something to think about. It's unreasonable to expect someone to take down their profile after one date- over the top unreasonable actually. My ex and I both had our profiles up for three months as we dated and got to know one another- then we became exclusive and the profiles came down. I suspect he's already detected some flakiness. I have to warn you that he WILL be turned off that you lied about your name and age... That will be a problem if you ever do have a second date. I did that once with someone I was seeing- told him I was 35 when I was 37... after that he was suspicious of everything else i told him. It's just the wrong way to start things off with someone new. You made out with him and then he's going to discover he doesn't know your real name. Not many people take a first date so seriously- it doesn't mean there isn't chemistry- but I am sure to him, this union is looking like too much work. Why didn't you pick up the phone when he called tonight? It just sounds like games, and I am sure he is picking up on this.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Good news! He called! Ok so he didn't leave a message but he called. And of course you can't expect him to erase his profile after one date. He was supposed to text you tomorow anyways with the plans right? Well give him one more day? And what's with "he knows his time is running out" drama? What time? How is he supposed to know his time is running out? Why should he be fully entirely devoted to you after one date? Listen, he called once, he'll get in touch with you again. Now relax and get away from the computer screen and stop torturing yourself with negative thoughts! thanks - one positive thing that he called. but i shouldnt get excited about this either right? isnt it right to be pssd off at least that he is on that site ONLINE so soon after he called me...and he didnt even text back or leave a message. im worried about revealing my real age.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 :confused::confused::confused: I'm absolutely floored by what I'm reading on this thread. So_G, you have a lot of issues to deal with. Mostly with your inability to stop falling for a guy you only went on 1 date with. And your expectations from this guy is unrealistic. He's a guy you met online and lied to about your name and age. If you have to lie about something as simple as that, then it's easy to say that online dating isn't right for you. I feel like you have serious self esteem issues regarding yourself. And your behavior borders on obsessive. You're already tormenting yourself over why the guy doesn't even call. You need to learn not to let these trivial things bother you. If they don't call, then you make other plans with other people. It's not like he's your lifeline. Learn to live for yourself, not worrying about why other people do certain things.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 :confused::confused::confused: I'm absolutely floored by what I'm reading on this thread. So_G, you have a lot of issues to deal with. Mostly with your inability to stop falling for a guy you only went on 1 date with. And your expectations from this guy is unrealistic. He's a guy you met online and lied to about your name and age. If you have to lie about something as simple as that, then it's easy to say that online dating isn't right for you. I feel like you have serious self esteem issues regarding yourself. And your behavior borders on obsessive. You're already tormenting yourself over why the guy doesn't even call. You need to learn not to let these trivial things bother you. If they don't call, then you make other plans with other people. It's not like he's your lifeline. Learn to live for yourself, not worrying about why other people do certain things. As i have previously posted, most of my friends are unavilable or have got married. This is my "pastime". odd as it may be i meet random men of the internet because i cannot bear to be alone. I dont have any reliable friends that i see on a regular basis. Everyone is doing the same thing, hunting for a man. It takes ages before I meet a man that I fancy and ticks any boxes for me. This guy did, it was an instant attraction. I am getting mixed signals. He called but then didnt return my call and went online. I have a right to be angry as he went online to search for someone else. In which case why call me???? All day I was on standvy. I stupidly wore nice clothes, did my hair etc (for the seond time this week) in the hope that he would call/text. He didnt. This is affecting my work. I didnt know that rejection was this bad.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 should i call him? just reply - yes or no thanks
shadowplay Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 NO. Let him go. You'll get over him in a few weeks tops.
Author so gutted Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 so you think he will not call then?
Kamille Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 no He didn't leave a message. If he called once he will likely call again. but So_G I am getting mixed signals. He called but then didnt return my call and went online. No he isn't sending mixed message! You went on one date. He is single. He is acting accordingly by continuing to date on-line. As should you. I have a right to be angry as he went online to search for someone else. In which case why call me???? He likely called you to set up a date. I repeat, he is dating -which means you two aren't exclusive. Did you think maybe he went to check on-line to see if you were there? All day I was on standvy. I stupidly wore nice clothes, did my hair etc (for the seond time this week) in the hope that he would call/text. He didnt. He isn't responsible for your feelings. You wore nice clothes and did your hair because you wanted to feel good. Clearly, he wasn't going to see you through the phone. This is affecting my work. It's only affecting your work because you're letting it affect your work. Again, this isn't a state of emergency - this is dating! I didnt know that rejection was this bad. Honey, this isn't a case of rejection. You haven't been rejected. He called. Next time he calls, don't panick - just pick up the phone!
Lucky_One Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 As i have previously posted, most of my friends are unavilable or have got married. This is my "pastime". odd as it may be i meet random men of the internet because i cannot bear to be alone. I dont have any reliable friends that i see on a regular basis. Everyone is doing the same thing, hunting for a man. It takes ages before I meet a man that I fancy and ticks any boxes for me. This guy did, it was an instant attraction. I am getting mixed signals. He called but then didnt return my call and went online. I have a right to be angry as he went online to search for someone else. In which case why call me???? All day I was on standvy. I stupidly wore nice clothes, did my hair etc (for the seond time this week) in the hope that he would call/text. He didnt. This is affecting my work. I didnt know that rejection was this bad. Good Lord. You got pissed off a guy (that you lied to from the get-go) bc he gave you hickeys, and now you can't work bc you haven't heard from him in a way that you deem appropriate? And you work? Do you not wear nice clothes or do your hair on a daily basis???? Pull your big girl panties UP and live like you are an adult. Shower, brush your hair, put on professional and nice clothes and do your job. And stop picking up random men on the Internet bc you are lonely. You will NEVER be happy until you can be happy being by yourself.
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