so gutted Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Im not learning at all. I met a guy. (first date) 2 evenings ago. It went well. We chatted for 3 hours. He then made a move, i tried to shrug it off but it didnt work. We ended up kissing passionately for about 40 mins. I then saw 3 lovebites on my neck. I told him off for these. When I got home - he texted me to check that i had reached home. I said i had and that i was trying to remove the love bites. he said ha ha ha ha.vefore that he had siad in a text. lovely to meet. see u soon. Since then i have had no contact at all. I am really realy gutted. He could at least check with me about the love bites. Could it be that in the conversation we had about what i wanted from this relationship, i had siad that i didnt want a one off situation, i was over that. He said that he wanted to see how it goes and if something developed he wasnt agiasnt it. Maybe i put him off. I really thought it went well. I cannot accept that he wont call. I should not have kissed him. Advice please. Im depressed and at a new low.
Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 OK, providing this is a real post, I'll bite... You humped him pretty hard about giving you the hickeys. Men are wired to enjoy and be happy knowing they have pleased a woman. It makes them feel good about themselves. You took this away, so now he is perceiving you as someone that he can't please, and someone that he doesn't even want to try pleasing. You should have stopped the hickeys from happening in the first place, if they would bother you so much. I've had one hickey in my life, and that was enough to know what will come from that type of action. And then when you DID receive them, you shouldn't have "told him off" for it. Remember - he doesn't know you, and has nothing invested in you. He was turned off by your reaction. Learn from it, and move on.
Mahatma Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I think you maybe are overreacting to the whole hickey thing. If he gave you three, maybe you are more prone to them than most people. If it was me, I probably wouldn't contact you much either because I'd feel like I had already messed up with you and there is no reason to try and fix a relationship that doesn't exist.
Author so gutted Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 I felt ofended and cheapened by the lovebites because they are so obvious - i havnt been to work coz i cant cover them. He should not have done this. strangely enough i just got a text from him saying - hey hows it going? is this him being non comiital by leaving it nearly 2 days??
Mahatma Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I felt ofended and cheapened by the lovebites because they are so obvious - i havnt been to work coz i cant cover them. He should not have done this. strangely enough i just got a text from him saying - hey hows it going? is this him being non comiital by leaving it nearly 2 days?? maybe hes following a 2-day rule? You should make it clear to him you DO NOT want hickeys, but don't be angry with him for being passionate.
Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I felt ofended and cheapened by the lovebites because they are so obvious - i havnt been to work coz i cant cover them. He should not have done this. strangely enough i just got a text from him saying - hey hows it going? is this him being non comiital by leaving it nearly 2 days?? I think you have a lot of issues, hon. You kissed a guy on a date. You're acting like you had unprotected anal, he gave you a facial, took pics, and then posted them on LS. "He should not have done this". Yeesh. It takes two, darlin'. If you are unwilling to accept your share of the responsibility, then let him go. Otherwise I see you continuing to torture him everytime you let him cross your boundaries, then you whack him for it. All wrong. So terribly wrong.
Kamille Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I felt ofended and cheapened by the lovebites because they are so obvious - i havnt been to work coz i cant cover them. He should not have done this. What do you mean you can't cover them? You could wear a light cotton scarf around your neck. I've done it in the past and no one commented and I was prepared to endure some light teasing about it. Or what about some good cover up foundation? Liz Clairbone has that 'green tinge' one which off-sets reddish/purples tones on skin. If you don't have cover up, go to a cosmetics counter and let those ladies help you out! They've seen it before let me tell you. Besides, you're blowing this way out of proportion if you're letting lovebites get in the way of your work. strangely enough i just got a text from him saying - hey hows it going? is this him being non comiital by leaving it nearly 2 days?? Two days, when first starting to date, isn't a long amount of time to go without contact. Nor is it sufficient time to be thinking about commitment. Do something you know will help you relax. Take a bath. Go for a walk/to the gym. Mellow down.
Author so gutted Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 thanks. now i feel crazy. he just asked to meet for a quick drink - i made an excuse and got out of it. I couldnt admit i wasnt at work and wouldnt have made it quick enough. so i have again let him down and he probably sees this as rejection. he is out of town for a few days. i said i would see him when he is back. i just want to make it clear i cannot have lovebites on my neck.how do i tell him without offending him. i work witha lot of men and they know nothing about my private life. i dont want them to know. how do i repair this?
Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 thanks. now i feel crazy. he just asked to meet for a quick drink - i made an excuse and got out of it. I couldnt admit i wasnt at work and wouldnt have made it quick enough. so i have again let him down and he probably sees this as rejection. he is out of town for a few days. i said i would see him when he is back. i just want to make it clear i cannot have lovebites on my neck.how do i tell him without offending him. i work witha lot of men and they know nothing about my private life. i dont want them to know. how do i repair this? Your reactions are hyper-reactive, hon. Just way, way over the top, considering the situation. What do you want to repair? You are still blaming him for something you took part in. You are perseverating on the hickey issue, and I don't know how many more times you want to drill that into him before he gets fed up. If you wanted to sabotage this, you are doing a great job. IF you still want to date him, the STOP bringing up the hickey issue, put on some make-up and a scarf (as Kamille suggested) and go meet him for a drink. Anything else is pure drama.
Author so gutted Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 dam i got this all wrong.i thought HE was wrong coz he didnt call. i thought it was hurtful if him not to call after i left him when i was worried about my bruised neck. i have now let him down again by not meeting him - now he wont ask. i really like him.
Shygirl15 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 dam i got this all wrong.i thought HE was wrong coz he didnt call. i thought it was hurtful if him not to call after i left him when i was worried about my bruised neck. i have now let him down again by not meeting him - now he wont ask. i really like him. You're funny! Actually I find lovebites really cute..
stillafool Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Could it be that in the conversation we had about what i wanted from this relationship, i had siad that i didnt want a one off situation, i was over that. You tell him this and then you stress as to why he doesn't call you after 2 days? thanks. now i feel crazy. he just asked to meet for a quick drink - i made an excuse and got out of it. I couldnt admit i wasnt at work and wouldnt have made it quick enough. so i have again let him down and he probably sees this as rejection. he is out of town for a few days. i said i would see him when he is back. You stress as to why he won't call you and then you do the above? I'm sorry but how old are you? / i just want to make it clear i cannot have lovebites on my neck.how do i tell him without offending him. i work witha lot of men and they know nothing about my private life. i dont want them to know. how do i repair this?[ You say to him "please do not put hickies on my neck, thank you". It is as simple as that. There is nothing to repair. Like the other poster said wear a scarf around your neck!
almost famous Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Yes, you overreacted by telling him off about the "hickey" thing, you could have had a chuckle about it, he gets the point for next time, and moved on. Since you took the "lovebites" so seriously and felt so disrespected and cheap, and let him know this, this is making me think you two aren't compatible. The 2nd thing is you told him what you "expected of the relationship" on the first date.....that's a bit much for a first date. He stated he wants to take it easy and see how things go. What is he supposed to say? He will remain devoted and faithful until he proposes marriage? I don't understand.
Author so gutted Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 Yes, you overreacted by telling him off about the "hickey" thing, you could have had a chuckle about it, he gets the point for next time, and moved on. Since you took the "lovebites" so seriously and felt so disrespected and cheap, and let him know this, this is making me think you two aren't compatible. The 2nd thing is you told him what you "expected of the relationship" on the first date.....that's a bit much for a first date. He stated he wants to take it easy and see how things go. What is he supposed to say? He will remain devoted and faithful until he proposes marriage? I don't understand. well he asked me what i wanted out of meeting him. he then gave his disclaimer of "we will see how it goes and then i will decide- i am not averse to it". he has been away for the weekend - came back just now. he texted me. but then trailed away.i really want to see him this week - but do not want to appear too available. how do i intiate this delicate situation. he works very close to me.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Well he didnt call today so i texted him. Im never sure about being the first one to contact near the beginining of a relationship. I asked how he was etc. He said that he was really busy with work and we would see how we go by thurs. WTF does this mean? shouldnt he be giving me a concrete date? instead of keeing me hanging around? now im on standby. i really want to see him as i also need to tell him face to face that: my name when i met him was an alias one (as i met him online) my job was also changed and so was my locationand age i did all this because i had a identity fraud case of the internet.... ic ant approach all this in a text?? wtf - do i do?
Jilly Bean Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Well he didnt call today so i texted him. Im never sure about being the first one to contact near the beginining of a relationship. I asked how he was etc. He said that he was really busy with work and we would see how we go by thurs. WTF does this mean? shouldnt he be giving me a concrete date? instead of keeing me hanging around? now im on standby. i really want to see him as i also need to tell him face to face that: my name when i met him was an alias one (as i met him online) my job was also changed and so was my locationand age i did all this because i had a identity fraud case of the internet.... ic ant approach all this in a text?? wtf - do i do? Oh, sweet Lordy me...
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Oh, sweet Lordy me... come on - help me please bean?
Jilly Bean Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Hon, I really truly wish I could. I wish I could say something that would be helpful, but I don't think mere words is going to attack the issues and pathology at end. This situation just goes from bad to worse. If you tell us next that you are really a tranny, and aren't sure when to reveal that to him, I'm going to have to go take a big pink pill.
Kamille Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 First So gutted, take a deep breath. This isn't an emergency, this is dating. Dating is complicated, filled with pitfalls, so it's always best to approach it with a sense of humour. Especially when you change your identity on your first date. Now - let's face it, you are on stand-by. In your shoes, I would leave the next step up to him. It sounds like he might be shrugging you off. But, hey, even if he is, it doesn't have to be a big deal. After all, you guys only hung out a couple of times and those are the dating odds: you get more duds then hits. But who knows, he might call on Thursday to set up a date. Accept gracefully. Then on said date, tell him in a way you see best (I suggest humour) that your real name isn't So Gutted but (Your real name). He might react strangely to this. I know I would. I would think the person is rather intense, but you sound rather intense and I'm sure the man for you will have to find intensity endearing.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 . But who knows, he might call on Thursday to set up a date. Accept gracefully. Then on said date, tell him in a way you see best (I suggest humour) that your real name isn't So Gutted but (Your real name). He might react strangely to this. I know I would. I would think the person is rather intense, but you sound rather intense and I'm sure the man for you will have to find intensity endearing. ok i know it seems odd - but i have come across alias names before with online dating. as its so hit and miss why would you want to give out your real details to anyone? just like you shouldnt put them on facebook.its safety. i have texted him once - a general text today - i am not going to text him again. if he doesnt contact me then i dont need to tell him my real details. the reason i did this is because i have had loads of bad online dates, so i just want to be anonoymous until i find one i actually want to see again. i didnt even expect to fancy him. Now i do. i have had physical contact with him also. so i just want to see him again. how can i mention also that im 2 years older then what my profile said? shall i just say it was a technical glitch and i couldnt change it. i feel like a fake - but im not. i am totally real.
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Advice please. yes, i would suggest maybe taking it a BIT slower next time.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Hon, I really truly wish I could. I wish I could say something that would be helpful, but I don't think mere words is going to attack the issues and pathology at end. This situation just goes from bad to worse. If you tell us next that you are really a tranny, and aren't sure when to reveal that to him, I'm going to have to go take a big pink pill. is it really that bad? it was a first date - and i like him - i just told a few lies - cant he forgive me for them - due to bad experiences
carhill Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Not a chance, eh... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138816/
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 all that happened was that we kissed - i thought that was good. i siad no - but he went for it. i enjoyed it. now im in a pickle.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Not a chance, eh... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138816/ why are you bringing up that guy for ??? he is stilll contacting me for marraige. im outta that one. i do listen to you lot. HELP ME HERE PLEASE.
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