Groovy Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Are there any people who have dated an older man or woman by 10-20 years? I ask because I am 36 years old. I currently am dating someone who is 39 and have been with him 2 years. He does not want kids as he has a 16 years old and I told myself I was OK with it. But I am not so sure of this. At 3 AM I had a meltdown drinking realizing how much I want kids. And meanwhile there is a co-worker who is 15 years older, 50 something but takes great care of his body so he looks 40. He has two kids that are 26 and 27. He claims he loves me and would give me two kids. He is moving to Costa Rica and I think of selling my house to go there for a place in the mountains and having kids with him. He keeps telling me that he's open for my happiness. I don't like the fact he is older by many years, or that he has kids already. But he is aware of my desires and wants to make me happy. I have been hearing it for years. If I ever have problem at home he helps out, more readily than my own boyfriend. (Who claims he wants to be married without kids but does nothing proactive to support this statement). I have been friends for 10 years and he's been nothing but good to me. So much of my attraction is intellectual that I am thinking maybe I could look past his age and be quite happy living another life radically different. I think he has the interest, finances, and dedication. It's hard for 30 something people who have never had a family or husband. I ask if anything else has found their clock ticking and thought of doing things they may not do if they were 25. Things that may seem radical......
xpaperxcutx Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 You want kids at your age, but you don't necessarily love the (older) man willing to provide the sperm. Marriage is a serious proposition and more than likely will end up in divorce in 10 years time. As for your bf, if he doesn't want kids, then most likely you have to break up with him and find someone that does. But you just can't jump into bed with anyone just because you're afraid that your biological clock is running out. Happiness is the important key in your life. If you want kids, you could always consider artificial insemination, but do consider about the financial burdens of raising a child as a single mother.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I think why not take the risk if it gives you what you need Get him to put a ring on your finger before you move though
almost famous Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 LOL. That made me laugh. Anyway I have to say that you should feel a passionate love for this man if you marry him, otherwise, you will feel unhappy for the rest of your life. By the way, whether you go with this older man or not, I would break up with your current boyfriend. It doesn't seem like you feel a deep, passionate love for him, or he for you. If he felt it for you, he would have a child with you, that is the ultimate show of love. Even if it wasn't in his plans, if he loved you a lot, he would still have a child with you and be happy about it.
Jake Barnes Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 He wants to take you away from everyone you know to a third world country to have kids with you? And what about his kids here? He's just going to move away from them? Something is wrong here
Prodigal Princess Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 You think you could be happy living in a foreign sh*thole with an old fart you have no physical desire for? On the off chance his sperm are still working and you can have kids with him? I wouldn't worry about this issue too much, hon. According to Darwin's theory of evolution, you shouldn't be able to breed anyway.
Jake Barnes Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 You think you could be happy living in a foreign sh*thole with an old fart you have no physical desire for? On the off chance his sperm are still working and you can have kids with him? I wouldn't worry about this issue too much, hon. According to Darwin's theory of evolution, you shouldn't be able to breed anyway.Why do you always have to be so rude to people? OP if he's going to move away from his own kids (I know theyre adults) to a third world country it sounds like he wants to take you someplace he's more secure about keeping you. I don't even know what your rights would be there, but it sounds very off to me. The fact that he doesn't want to be close to his kids when theyre not far off from having grandkids, but would rather run off to hide his young bride in the Costa Rican mountains just strikes me as a bit selfish from what I can see
Green Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Why do you always have to be so rude to people? OP if he's going to move away from his own kids (I know theyre adults) to a third world country it sounds like he wants to take you someplace he's more secure about keeping you. I don't even know what your rights would be there, but it sounds very off to me. The fact that he doesn't want to be close to his kids when theyre not far off from having grandkids, but would rather run off to hide his young bride in the Costa Rican mountains just strikes me as a bit selfish from what I can see he might be trying to seduce her, he might just want to screw
Citizen Erased Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 You think you could be happy living in a foreign sh*thole with an old fart you have no physical desire for? On the off chance his sperm are still working and you can have kids with him? I wouldn't worry about this issue too much, hon. According to Darwin's theory of evolution, you shouldn't be able to breed anyway. Ha ha I think I love you.
Author Groovy Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 He is close to his kids, but they are full grown. I love Costa Rica and it was my idea w/ or w/o a man to go there and buy a huge cabin to retire to someday. Have you ever been there? It is amazing...
Green Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I own a cabin there, but I'm in my twenties so that wouldnt be ur thing
Author Groovy Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Whatever, obviously you think it's cool or you wouldn't invest. Point is an old guy is not bringing me to a 3rd world country against my will and desperation. It was my choice to have future plans there regardless.....Love Costa Rica:)
Green Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 well then go have sex with him and see if you could stand having kids with the guy.
Author Groovy Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 And by the way 10 years of friendship is alot to seduce a woman. I say he's earned it.....
Ocean-Blue Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Are there any people who have dated an older man or woman by 10-20 years? I ask because I am 36 years old. I currently am dating someone who is 39 and have been with him 2 years. He does not want kids as he has a 16 years old and I told myself I was OK with it. But I am not so sure of this. At 3 AM I had a meltdown drinking realizing how much I want kids. And meanwhile there is a co-worker who is 15 years older, 50 something but takes great care of his body so he looks 40. He has two kids that are 26 and 27. He claims he loves me and would give me two kids. He is moving to Costa Rica and I think of selling my house to go there for a place in the mountains and having kids with him. He keeps telling me that he's open for my happiness. I don't like the fact he is older by many years, or that he has kids already. But he is aware of my desires and wants to make me happy. I have been hearing it for years. If I ever have problem at home he helps out, more readily than my own boyfriend. (Who claims he wants to be married without kids but does nothing proactive to support this statement). I have been friends for 10 years and he's been nothing but good to me. So much of my attraction is intellectual that I am thinking maybe I could look past his age and be quite happy living another life radically different. I think he has the interest, finances, and dedication. It's hard for 30 something people who have never had a family or husband. I ask if anything else has found their clock ticking and thought of doing things they may not do if they were 25. Things that may seem radical...... You are actually considering leaving with this guy to a foreign place despite NOT really having any feelings for him? Do you have any chemistry with him?
Author Groovy Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Not at all. I am considering breaking up with a man who is not wanting the same things in life to be with a man who may know what I want to make me happy. I have a house and good job in the US and I am just thinking of getting my feet wet for future possibilities with a man who is older than I thought I would consider....
Ocean-Blue Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Not at all. I am considering breaking up with a man who is not wanting the same things in life to be with a man who may know what I want to make me happy. I have a house and good job in the US and I am just thinking of getting my feet wet for future possibilities with a man who is older than I thought I would consider.... Well you have two separate things to sort out. 1) Whether you want to break up with your bf. 2) Whether you want to begin something with your friend. Is there any chemistry?
Citizen Erased Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 well then go have sex with him and see if you could stand having kids with the guy. I like it. Take him for a test drive first. Try before you buy.
melodymatters Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I like it. Take him for a test drive first. Try before you buy. I couldn't second that more !!!!
MsArtful Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I think you should consider IVF if you really want children. You shouldn't form a relationship with a man on the basis of having children. I'd choose neither of them personally.
almost famous Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Do you really love your current boyfriend that much? I can't think that you really do if you are considering this. However, if your current boyfriend hasn't had a vascectomy, and you are on the pill....what you do is go off the pill, free invitro insemination, which you often have to pay a lot for, even if insurance pays for a lot of it....and you get to have actual se instead of a painful, uncomfortable procedure in a doctor's office. Also, this guy is younger so his sperm would be better, and also he would have to support the child. If you do an "oops I'm pregnant" it could very well lead to marriage with him, anyway, most decent men aren't going to just abandon their kid and if he loves you, he'll marry you and you can have a happy family. He already has a kid, he can have one with you, too. If you end up being a single mom, there are lots of wonderful single moms, you will be wonderful at it without the dad if you really want children the love will be there. I highly encourage this plan instead of the marrying the geezer and moving to Jamaica plan, this one's more solid and at least you feel sexual toward your boyfriend.
Shygirl15 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I say, go for it. The maximum I can date right now is 15 yrs older, which makes him 46. Works out well with me. I have a friend who got married to a guy 25 years her senior (he was 52 by then), they have two pretty kids and one on the way. This guy also has much older daughters from his previous marriage. It can happen.
Balthazar Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I don't think it is a good idea to marry a person you don't have a strong attraction and feelings for. He may be a good provider and may become an excellent husband but the spark hat to be there also; at least to some significant extent. Furthermore, considering your feelings and age gap, it is likely that you will not stick with him in the long run(I am assuming you are a Western-style woman with the North American mentality; pardon me if I am mistaken). In the end, it will be more hurtful for him than you as he will probably will be left alone in his advancing years. That being said, no one can say what the future holds. You know the situation better than anyone. CHeers,
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