Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Despite the constant machinations of our resident misogynist to try and make anyone over 30 feel unworthy, I would like to present my own recent study of dating and age. As some of you may know, I am now a contestant (lol) on eharmony. If you are not familiar with the site, they blindly match people based off of a lengthy personality profile. You do not browse profiles and decide whom to contact - they send you matches. You also have limited opportunity to specify physical requirements - you cannot pick someone off a body type, or height, or hair color, etc, nor do you see any pics before you are delivered a match. You CAN, however, select the age range you are seeking. As a 33-year old (hag), I selected 28-48. And after being on the site for about a month now, I have only received ONE match from a man over 40 (he was 46). 95% of my matches have been 30-35. Now, when I was on match.com, where anyone can view your profile, I had guys from 22 - 62 writing me. Why? I had pictures posted. So, what does this tell me? A few things. 1 - it tells me that men that are actively seeking LTR's or marriage ARE looking for age-appropriate women. Older men are not interested in me. Why? I assume they are divorced, already have kids, don't won't kids, but clearly are interested in dating and having serious relationships with women of their own age. Yes - I said it. Older men on eharmony are actively seeking similarly-aged women for *gasp* LTR's and MARRIAGE! Imagine that. 2 - it also tells me that lesser evolved men that are seeking casual dating ARE looking for much younger women based purely off their physical appeal. Why? Because they are most likely NOT taking them seriously, but merely treating them as playthings and arm candy. So, that's my personal scientific study.
Citizen Erased Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Maybe they ticked the no hot dancer/choreographer box. Bad news they are.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Maybe they ticked the no hot dancer/choreographer box. Bad news they are. Well, since you can't pick someone off of their profession, I guess not. Geesh - refutting my scientific research are we? OJB - you LOVE us older broads and you know it.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Horny Aging Girl OK, ok, ok! This is the SERIOUS post. I honestly find the responses to be interesting. When you take pics out of the equation - men react differently. When you involve men admittedly seeking LTR's and marriage, their response is interesting.
jerbear Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 When you take pics out of the equation - men react differently. When you involve men admittedly seeking LTR's and marriage, their response is interesting. I personally like to see pictures especially after the 1st contact. After 1st contact or 1st round of Q&As, I want to know if there is chemistry. How would I know if you are not a 50 year old woman about to pounce on this youngin?
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 I personally like to see pictures especially after the 1st contact. After 1st contact or 1st round of Q&As, I want to know if there is chemistry. How would I know if you are not a 50 year old woman about to pounce on this youngin? Im really trying to be serious with this post...
2sunny Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 i find it interesting that i have mainly head shots and men always want to see the body. i'm not showing them me in a bikini on the internet (yes, they ask). i look hot in a bikini - but that is not what i want someone to be interested in me for. you gotta start somewhere and they're not even willing to make an effort if you don't show it all?
norajane Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I think that's an interesting observation, Jilly, at least about men who use dating sites. It makes sense that when guys want to find a partner, they'd prefer someone similar, especially in lifestyle and phase of life.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 I think that's an interesting observation, Jilly, at least about men who use dating sites. It makes sense that when guys want to find a partner, they'd prefer someone similar, especially in lifestyle and phase of life. Yes, my thoughts exactly. Despite the recent onslaught of posters to tell us otherwise, I find it interesting that more evolved men will seek out women of their own age group. I have to assume the 50-year old men are being matched with the 50-year old women. As I know it sure isn't this 33-year old! Sunny - I used to get that, too. This is what I like about eharmony. It's sooo not like that. Though, I have yet to be matched with someone who really tickles me. BUT, they ration the matches on a daily basis.
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I got some interesting matches on eHarmony until we got to the end part where they ask the nitty gritty questions. Each time I would end things before we ever got past that because you both talk about what your dealbreakers are, that sort of thing. I felt that the things they mentioned - like being good with money, for example - weren't me. Not that I sabbotage money when I'm in a relationship because I'm quite happy to let the guy handle it. I'm just bad with money by myself. So if they said they wanted someone responsible with money - which was understandable - then I'd make an exit. It left no room for movement, to say 'hey, I'm not great with money but I won't sabbotage your efforts' so instead of going out with a guy and misrepresenting myself, I just never went out with them. Or if they said anything else that I felt was too picky, shallow or sometimes seeming even selfish, I would close them out, too. So I never once went out with anyone from the site. My sister went out with a couple of guys from the site and one of them had lots of money and was nuts about her but she didn't think they were compatible at all and she didn't like him because he was too wimpy for her. So it's still all a crap shoot but you get less of the nutcases on eHarmony, and more of the ones who are seriously looking for a relationship. Most people with a big age gap between them are not going to have much in common. This was kind of funny. Out of curiosity, I created a test profile on eHarmony and answered the questions as though I were answering for my verbally abusive xh. I wanted to see who they'd match him up with. So do you know what happened? When I completed the survey, eHarmony said that they couldn't match him with anyone because he didn't meet their standards. I thought that said a lot for eHarmony - but I also think that if my xh actually did a profile on there, he wouldn't have been honest anyway.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 OMG Angel! That is so funny! Must be comforting to know he was unmatchable. I know what you mean about the final stages. But, I think the key is not to take the default comments too seriously. It might be better to get them to open communication and then ask for clarification? But I agree about the quality. You won't find the cheesy shirtless pics and smarmy comments, but you also don't find a lot of lookers. Ever see the commercial with the guy Lee and his pretty gf with the long hair? I want to be matched with him. lol
xpaperxcutx Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I've never joined a dating site before, but if they match people on profiles rather than on physical attraction, the posibility of a longer lasting relationship is probable. And don't let the newcomers on LS put you down, most of them are just really bitter.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 I've never joined a dating site before, but if they match people on profiles rather than on physical attraction, the posibility of a longer lasting relationship is probable. And don't let the newcomers on LS put you down, most of them are just really bitter. Oh, believe me, hon. They don't. I find their perspectives to be, well, pedestrian and funny. It's just the Chinese water torture technique of delivering the message over and over to everyone that has grown tedious. And yes - eharmony is designed for folks looking for a more serious connection.
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 OMG Angel! That is so funny! Must be comforting to know he was unmatchable. I know what you mean about the final stages. But, I think the key is not to take the default comments too seriously. It might be better to get them to open communication and then ask for clarification? But I agree about the quality. You won't find the cheesy shirtless pics and smarmy comments, but you also don't find a lot of lookers. Ever see the commercial with the guy Lee and his pretty gf with the long hair? I want to be matched with him. lol Yep, it was pretty funny and it told me a lot about why I left him. I think I probably did take the final comments too seriously but I also wasn't ready to date so I think that's really why things never worked out. I just didn't realize it at the time. I could've easily gone out with a guy and mentioned the money thing on the first date, saying that I didn't want him to have the wrong impression...blah, blah. But you know how it is when you're just not ready - I was getting sweaty palms, the works. So I didn't need to be on that site or any other one. I've never seen the commercial with Lee. The commercial I think is such a joke is chemistry.com where they say that their members are eHarmony rejects. We're talking real quality.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 The commercial I think is such a joke is chemistry.com where they say that their members are eHarmony rejects. We're talking real quality. After you sharing your story - this has a whole new meaning for me! lol
melodymatters Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I hope this isn't thread jacking, as it has nothing to do with e-marmony, but plenty to do with bright notes for we hot older woman ! My BF is 24. He does NOT want to deal with drama from chicks his own age, he PREFERS we older woman and usually dates older. As far as "having things in commen" this is probably the most drama fee, compatible, supportive relationship I've ever been in in my (gasp) 40 years on this planet. so NO, not all woman are " washed up" and undesirable after the age of 30 lol. PS. NO, he's not with me for casual sex or my " money", lol, we are engaged, and best friends to boot !
norajane Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 No one is washed up at any age! At 40, I date as much as I did at 25; I get asked out as often as I always have. The men asking me out are around my age - there's plenty of them out there who are also single or divorced - and there are a few outliers in either age direction, just as before. Honestly, the only thing that's changed is my level of confidence has gone up over time.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 No one is washed up at any age! At 40, I date as much as I did at 25; I get asked out as often as I always have. The men asking me out are around my age - there's plenty of them out there who are also single or divorced - and there are a few outliers in either age direction, just as before. Honestly, the only thing that's changed is my level of confidence has gone up over time. Exactly! I think I get better and better as I get older. AND, I find the lesser quality guys are the ones looking for barbie dolls and flawless skin. The men I am more interested in, the ones with something to say and the ones who value more than a shell on a woman, are more interested in women of their own age bracket.
Lizzie60 Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 WOW.. some posters (male) really have shaken up you self confidence ... This is the second thread on 'older women'.. feeling 'threatened' ??
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 WOW.. some posters (male) really have shaken up you self confidence ... This is the second thread on 'older women'.. feeling 'threatened' ?? You really can't read between the lines very well, can you?
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 In order to draw any conclusions based on data, it matters what criteria the site is matching on. Reliant on the criteria, it could be that your interests/goals in life coincide with men who are in the age category of 30 - 35. This doesn't mean that men who are older, aren't interested in younger women.
Author Jilly Bean Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 This doesn't mean that men who are older, aren't interested in younger women. Yes, it is precisely what it means.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 Yes, it is precisely what it means. No, it doesn't. Did you select wanting kids?
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