Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Ok...so I went NC for about 2 weeks with my ex. Tonight I get an IM from her, saying that her dad was angry cuz I just up and left work (I work with him, cuz he offered me a job over the summer). I didn't just leave; I took the week off, and told my own boss that I was doing so, and would come back the next Friday. This sucked, because if I didn't respond then he'd think of me as an *******, and her family has been nothing but nice to me. So I pretty much HAD to break NC to explain things. But I didn't do much beyond that. I'm really tired of the small-talk. Seriously, I hate this. Why is she still talking to me? She started off the conversation being all sarcastic and bitchy about how I haven't been talking to her, and that she was just talking to me because of what she heard from her dad. I'm getting tired of this ****. I only want her talking to me if she wants to fix things with me, nothing more. Otherwise, I want her out of my life. God I'm so angry right now. What is with this crap?
nopainnogain Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 In all honesty. You should find a new job if you can. This is an awkward situation:confused:
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 It's hard to say for sure what's going on because I don't know who broke up with who, and why the break-up happened. But from what I can tell, you're both playing games and pissing each other off. What is it you'd like to happen - for her to say she screwed up and knows it, or that she wishes the two of you could get back together...? Not sure but she's probably waiting to you to make a move and is hurt because you're not fighting for her.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 It's hard to say for sure what's going on because I don't know who broke up with who, and why the break-up happened. But from what I can tell, you're both playing games and pissing each other off. What is it you'd like to happen - for her to say she screwed up and knows it, or that she wishes the two of you could get back together...? Not sure but she's probably waiting to you to make a move and is hurt because you're not fighting for her. It's a long story, but she broke up with me two months ago, said she wanted to date other people. In fact, she left me for another guy. That relationships lasted for about one month. Then I heard she was screwin around with another guy. I fought for her for about a month, then gave up cuz nothing I said or did worked. I'm tired of fighting for her cuz its gotten me nothing. She doesn't wanna try and fix things, so I gave up. Tonight I just messaged her on myspace, saying that we aren't dating anymore and we can't be friends, so she should just stop talking to me. We aren't in each others lives anymore, and that its over. Then I said goodbye. About 5 minutes later I received a really sarcastic IM from her. First it was "OH NO IM TALKING." (in reference to me telling her to stop talking to me.) Then she said "Thanks for putting it so nicely to me" and then she signed off (I was straightforward but stern. It's not like I called her names or anything; nor was I childish about the message.) That pissed me off so much that I called her just to yell at her (Bad move). Luckily she was on the phone or something so it didn't go thru, and I stopped calling her. Part of me wanted to resolve things, part of me wanted to end it. I did pretty much everything to try and fix things, so all I had left was just to finish it off. I don't understand the whole sarcastic crap I got from her though. But I'm no plan B. I need to find someone who just wants to be with me, and only me. I don't need someone who is a bitch to me, treats me like I'm **** and then gets ****ing pissed off at me when I try and tell her to stop talking to me. She broke up with me, why is she freaking out?
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Then I agree with you, she's an idiot and you don't need that in your life. She sounds like a spoiled brat and someone who's totally unreasonable. She should realize that she's the one who put this rift between the two of you and has no reason for the childish sarcasm. In reality, even if the two of you got back together, it would never be the same again. What she did to you was very offensive and there's a huge gap to bridge after all that. You're right, you just need to find someone who wants to be with you for you. Your ex is ridiculous.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 We were together for almost 2 years, talked about getting married and stuff. I loved her, dedicated myself to her. I did falter towards the end though, and I admitted to her that I had made mistakes. But I guess that wasn't enough. Never expected any of this to happen, but then again who does? Is it normal for me to feel like **** though? I never thought I'd have the strength to do this, but at the same time I know that if I hear she's dating someone else I'm gonna feel like ****. I'm sure foxh1234 would be proud of me haha. God I hope I'm doing the right thing for myself.
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Well if you have those kinds of doubts, then maybe you should try to pick up the pieces. It may not work out but at least you won't keep asking yourself if you did the right thing or not. I just worry about the way she behaves - was she always like that? I can tell you that it'll be tough re-grouping, pulling it together again. You're different people now - both of you are - and you can't expect to get back together on the same terms, or expecting to be the same people. It's not an easy thing to do but you never know, it may work if you're both willing to give it a try. That may be where all her sarcasm is coming from - anger with herself about having screwed up and not knowing how to fix it, believing she can't undo what she did. Well you'll never know as long as the two of you talk around the edges of things. You have to talk with the walls down, you have to expose yourself again. Can you do that? Can you do it even it she can't?
Author Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Well if you have those kinds of doubts, then maybe you should try to pick up the pieces. It may not work out but at least you won't keep asking yourself if you did the right thing or not. I just worry about the way she behaves - was she always like that? I can tell you that it'll be tough re-grouping, pulling it together again. You're different people now - both of you are - and you can't expect to get back together on the same terms, or expecting to be the same people. It's not an easy thing to do but you never know, it may work if you're both willing to give it a try. That may be where all her sarcasm is coming from - anger with herself about having screwed up and not knowing how to fix it, believing she can't undo what she did. Well you'll never know as long as the two of you talk around the edges of things. You have to talk with the walls down, you have to expose yourself again. Can you do that? Can you do it even it she can't? I think we're both stubborn people who have been fighting for control of the situation for a long time now. However, even though I've admitted my own mistakes to making this situation happen, I did NOT decide on leaving the relationship to immediately pursue another person. I think she's even admitted that she herself ****ed things up between us. But at the same time, even though I have told her that we can still work things out, she didn't seem to want to do that. I doubt she still feels the same way; and if I do go back on what I said, then she'll just have the power back again, and I'm tired of not having control of things. It shouldn't take this much effort to fix things, and I don't even know if she wants to fix things in the first place.
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 But you seem to have a lot of doubts about what YOU'RE doing, so it's probably going to bug you until you do something about it. When did you bring this up about working things out? Right after the break-up? If so, that probably wasn't a good time to do that. What about now - after time has passed? How about saying something like this, "Hey, you seem to be ticked off about something, what's going on?" and see what she says. She'll probably lie and it probably doesn't matter what she says but later in the conversation you might want to just ask her directly, "So, do you think it's worth giving us one more shot?" Then you'll know and it doesn't become a lot of work. If she acts pissy about it, then walk away. Enough is enough. But at least you'll know you gave it one last try.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 But you seem to have a lot of doubts about what YOU'RE doing, so it's probably going to bug you until you do something about it. When did you bring this up about working things out? Right after the break-up? If so, that probably wasn't a good time to do that. What about now - after time has passed? How about saying something like this, "Hey, you seem to be ticked off about something, what's going on?" and see what she says. She'll probably lie and it probably doesn't matter what she says but later in the conversation you might want to just ask her directly, "So, do you think it's worth giving us one more shot?" Then you'll know and it doesn't become a lot of work. If she acts pissy about it, then walk away. Enough is enough. But at least you'll know you gave it one last try. What angered and confused me was the fact that I met up with her one Saturday to see how things went. Didn't get much info out of her from that. But the next day my friend called up, told me that a guy he works with went to a party of hers on the Friday before, and the two of them hooked up. Then the next day, after I left, the guy came over again and they, well.... That's when I figured it was completely done, and that was the last time I talked to her before last night. I don't think she knows that I know about it, but that really pissed me off and confused me. I brought up the idea about working things out between us while she was dating the other guy. Did that for a bit, until I realized it got me nowhere. Then it sounded like she wanted to get back together with me for a bit, but didn't. It went back and forth. And when she dumped the guy, I asked her again if she wanted to work things out, but she said she wanted to date other people. I'll paste a copy of the message I sent her last night: I'm messaging you over myspace cuz I figured you'd read this. I'll resolve the whole thing with your dad and I tomorrow morning, because that was a misunderstanding. However, I want you to stop talking to me. We broke up, we're not in each others lives anymore, and thats that. You wanna date other people, and we can't be friends. We have nothing to talk to each other about anymore. So leave me alone. Goodbye. Eesh. Reading that over again, that does sound a bit harsh.
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Well, it's pretty final but nothing's etched in stone. You can use that as an opportunity to call her and say you felt it was a little harsh...blah, blah, blah. I think you both need to clear the air, and she needs to know that you know about the other guy(s), what you're pissed about, and you need to know what she's pissed about. See what happens from there.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 I texted her, pretty much saying that I think we need to talk about things because there are obvious unresolved issues between us. I also pointed out that I don't understand why she gets sarcastic/pissy with me when I don't talk to her. So far the only response I got from her (About an hour ago) was that the message cut off, and I had to send the part that didn't go thru. Haven't heard since. Dunno what to do next.
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I texted her, pretty much saying that I think we need to talk about things because there are obvious unresolved issues between us. I also pointed out that I don't understand why she gets sarcastic/pissy with me when I don't talk to her. So far the only response I got from her (About an hour ago) was that the message cut off, and I had to send the part that didn't go thru. Haven't heard since. Dunno what to do next. Since she didn't tell you to kiss off, I think that's positive in itself. Send another text that says, "How about if I call you later - would that be ok?" See what she says. If she responds, ask her what would be a good time. And if she doesn't respond, call her later. Don't text, don't email, nothing. Pick up the phone and call her. If she doesn't answer, leave a message saying that you're sorry you missed her but would like to talk and that she can call back, and that if you don't hear from her, you'll call again [and let her know when you'll call again]. How's that sound? I just don't think you should leave the ball in her court because then you'll go back to wondering what the heck is going on.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Since she didn't tell you to kiss off, I think that's positive in itself. Send another text that says, "How about if I call you later - would that be ok?" See what she says. If she responds, ask her what would be a good time. And if she doesn't respond, call her later. Don't text, don't email, nothing. Pick up the phone and call her. If she doesn't answer, leave a message saying that you're sorry you missed her but would like to talk and that she can call back, and that if you don't hear from her, you'll call again [and let her know when you'll call again]. How's that sound? I just don't think you should leave the ball in her court because then you'll go back to wondering what the heck is going on. She's gonna call me later on tonight. I've been in this position before, and nothing good has ever come out of it. At least I can just find some closure if its definitely over.
Angel1111 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 She's gonna call me later on tonight. I've been in this position before, and nothing good has ever come out of it. At least I can just find some closure if its definitely over. You're funny. Well, good might come out of it if you don't put those walls up when you're talking to her. And if she puts walls up, you need to point it out to her. Neither of you are going to get anywhere if you can't be completely honest with one another. So make sure you can at least do that when you talk. And even if she can't do it, if you can lower your defenses it'll be a positive influence on the conversation. Let me know how it goes. I'm a die-hard hopeful romantic so I'm hoping for the best for you.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 I'll try to summarize this as best as possible. I had lots of schoolwork (21 credits, including my thesis), exercised a lot, drank a lot, focused extremely on my weight, and was becoming anti-social. I was also showing up at her house later and later. It got to the point where I was so stressed out that I had become depressed and pissy; at some points I would be buzzed/drunk enough and snap at her. I had never acted that way to her before in the relationship. Since then I've gotten fatter, exercise less often (but in a good way : P ), drink less, go out more, and try and have fun. I've pretty much reversed what I had become, and instead turned myself into the person I was when we started dating. I understand that I probably pushed her away, but she caused an even bigger rift between us when she left me for another guy. She has even told me that she regrets dating the guy, just cuz she was embarrassed by him. I don't know, maybe she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. Then again, maybe she does but doesn't know if we can overcome what she has done. Either way, both of us caused the relationship to end, and I don't want to bring up the fact that I've changed and we can work things out. I just wanna find out whats on her mind, and at least let her know how I feel.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 She never called. I'm kind of angry, but I guess that's it then. I'm not gonna pursue it. I think she decided to just record music rather than deal with me. Whatever, I don't care. I'm done with her. I think I've let her disrespect me enough.
Angel1111 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Oh, wow, that's crappy. That's exactly how I'd feel about it, too. Unless something major happened that prevented her from calling (which is highly doubtful), I'd never speak to her again. Her silence says everything - especially about what she's made of, which apparently isn't much. I'm so sorry. I was really hoping for the best. But now you don't have to wonder about whether you did the right thing or not - you have your answer, right? Not the answer you wanted, I'm sure, but it is an answer. Sometimes love just really stinks. I'll never understand why some people act the way they do.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 Ok, this is interesting. I got a text from her at 2am (I went out with friends last night and had al little drinking party; its my last friday before school starts again, and I wasn't gonna waste it sitting at home waiting for her to cal me.) She said "sry. everbody left late [i guess she had a party @ her apartment or something. she told me earlier she was gonna jam with a friend, cuz shes tryin to do music right now. maybe she had more people over.] u can call me whenever you want tomorrow." Being that it was 2am and I was buzzed still, I didn't bother texting back how angry I was. I'm still pissed, but she did make the effort to at least explain herself. Now its just a question of whether or not I call.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 I'm wondering if I should just email her instead of calling her. At least I would be able to get all my thoughts out, cuz I know I probably won't have the strength to tell her over the phone how I feel. I've been reeling from a lot of pain (I started crying last night for no reason. I was pissed until I got the text, then I was hysterical for about 15 minutes [drunk].) Kinda stuck here. I have all day to respond, dunno if I should even attempt it.
Angel1111 Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 I understand how you're feeling and at least she did explain but if she was the one who was supposed to call last night, then she should be the one to call today. I think if you call, she may not answer and then you're going to be pissed off all over again. Maybe you should leave it alone and think about it some more before doing anything. I think if she had any decency and felt anywhere close to the way you're feeling, she'd pick up the phone and call you. If I wer in her shoes, I know that's what I'd do. Not sure what time zone you're in but she may be still asleep for all you know since she apparently went to bed pretty late. In the meantime, why not hack out a draft email that will be ready to go maybe tomorrow or the next day if nothing happens today. It'll help get your thoughts out, give you something to do, and if you end up sending it out, you can sleep on it before you do that. Just my thoughts.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 If she doesn't call today, I'll get the picture. It's not like I've been trying to force myself into her life; for the past 6 weeks or so, she's been the one contacting me first. I don't know if she still has feelings for me, or if she's really trying to just keep me as a friend. Or if she just wants to control something in her life at this point...****, I can't guess what she's thinking. And she may not tell me what she is thinking. Actions speak louder than words in this case though. When I e-mail her tomorrow or Monday, I'm gonna get everything off my chest. No anger, no sadness - I'll just be straightforward and to the point. Say what I have to say, then wish her luck and say goodbye. I'll never move on without telling her these things, and she's gotta understand that if she doesn't want to be with me at all, then she can't keep talking to me, because a friendship won't work.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Well she never called me, I didn't call her. Wrote the e-mail to her today, said what I wanted to say, and practically said goodbye. Told her I knew about the other guy, how that made me feel, apologized for the things that I did in the relationship that pushed her away, didn't blame her for anything. Just said my peace. So I guess thats it.
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 . So I guess thats it. No,that IS it.You know whtat you need to do. You have to stick to. She will poke her nose in at an unconvieniant time. DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. Strict n/c and focus on yourself. Its not a game to get her back,its to get back in the game.
Author Melrapuo Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 No,that IS it.You know whtat you need to do. You have to stick to. She will poke her nose in at an unconvieniant time. DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. Strict n/c and focus on yourself. Its not a game to get her back,its to get back in the game. O yea, I know that. Aside from saying my peace, it was also a goodbye letter. Told her I'm not angry with her, but we can't be friends. It would just be weird, and not healthy for either of us. I'm not expecting a response. I already blocked her on AIM, deleted my Myspace page, and she I took her off my facebook over a month ago.
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