VAmama Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I'm still in love w/my man (it's only 12 days post BUP), and we've been in contact 2x already, and I know he loves me and is hurting badly too, but he doesn't want to work on his issues with my son. Sucks. So.... I hold out hope, but realize I need to move on too. So, I'm thinking of all the things I didn't like about him. Things I found tolerable, but didn't like. They include: 1) He is a bit of a control freak and takes obsessive care of his stuff (granted, he has a lot of high end stuff, but still.....) 2) His breath occassionally smelled bad in the mornings or after working out 3) He is a mama's boy, and his mother just loves to wait on him hand and foot....causing him to be spoiled about things at times. 4)He has a phobia of germs 5) He is a baby about his health (he gets freaked out about that something may be wrong with his body or health easily) 6) I got tired of hearing him tell me I needed to modify my son's diet 7) He would give me the silent treatment if I did something upset him; he wouldn't tell me what he was upset about 8) He was too jealous at times... very possessive 9) He could be very competitive 10) He wasn't willing to explore new foods, drinks, etc., or instance, had to have his steak well done cause' he didn't like to see the blood, had some big food phobias, would only drink rum and cokes and not other alcoholic beverage (only "sweet" drink he liked), and would not really explore or try new foods- very into his comfort foods. I think 10 is a good start....
lovelorcet Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Thanks for the laugh! This guy sounds like a bit of a pu$$y...
LateBloomer Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable about posting the specifics of my ex, but I know writing down that list has sure been helpful. I took it another direction too ... "Why we can't be friends." Similar stuff, but really has helped me clarify the deal breakers. Kind of helps make the break on an interpersonal level ... not just an emotional one. At least it does for me. Motion is progress ...
You'reasian Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I'm still in love w/my man (it's only 12 days post BUP), and we've been in contact 2x already, and I know he loves me and is hurting badly too, but he doesn't want to work on his issues with my son. Sucks. So.... I hold out hope, but realize I need to move on too. So, I'm thinking of all the things I didn't like about him. Things I found tolerable, but didn't like. They include: 1) He is a bit of a control freak and takes obsessive care of his stuff (granted, he has a lot of high end stuff, but still.....) 2) His breath occassionally smelled bad in the mornings or after working out 3) He is a mama's boy, and his mother just loves to wait on him hand and foot....causing him to be spoiled about things at times. 4)He has a phobia of germs 5) He is a baby about his health (he gets freaked out about that something may be wrong with his body or health easily) 6) I got tired of hearing him tell me I needed to modify my son's diet 7) He would give me the silent treatment if I did something upset him; he wouldn't tell me what he was upset about 8) He was too jealous at times... very possessive 9) He could be very competitive 10) He wasn't willing to explore new foods, drinks, etc., or instance, had to have his steak well done cause' he didn't like to see the blood, had some big food phobias, would only drink rum and cokes and not other alcoholic beverage (only "sweet" drink he liked), and would not really explore or try new foods- very into his comfort foods. I think 10 is a good start.... Starting with no. 10... Encourage him to try other drinks and foods. Tell him about something that you thought he'd enjoy and see if he likes it. Suggest that he pick the right drink for the right meal - last night for example, had me a corona with my hooters wings. 9 - competitive is good. so long as you guys are working together or are competitive in a playful way. If one of you is doing something to draw out the competitiveness of another, you've got to be carefull. 8 - suggest that you guys be in an open relationship. You need space and want the freedom to be yourself. 7 - Not talkative? 6 - ??? 5 - LOL. I've swam in less than clean waters and have played in the mud, so I'm the wrong guy to ask 4 - Get counselling 3 - Get him to stay away from his mama. Do they live in the same city? Yeah it can be constraining if someone is still tied to their parent. 2- Morning breath? Get him to gargle listerine or something. 1 - I'm kind of the same way here. Not obsessive, but I like to get my stuff squared away - so again, wrong guy to ask
LateBloomer Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 In other words, waste your time trying to change him into the person you want him to be. Or ... 1. Work on yourself. We can all use some and this is a great time for it ... I know my recent breakup was a HUGE wakeup call. I'm finally using it to make some real changes that to be honest I wasn't sure (before) how I'd ever make them. It used to get me down actually. 2. Find somebody who resonates better on a REAL level ... and can offer you 10 new things that you find amazing, that you never even knew somebody could offer you. If you do #1 well enough ... #2 should follow pretty easy. Like gravity, we attract things to us the resonate, good or bad sometimes. 2 > 10 (kind of like the commandments ... if you believe in that) Starting with no. 10... Encourage him to try other drinks and foods. Tell him about something that you thought he'd enjoy and see if he likes it. Suggest that he pick the right drink for the right meal - last night for example, had me a corona with my hooters wings. 9 - competitive is good. so long as you guys are working together or are competitive in a playful way. If one of you is doing something to draw out the competitiveness of another, you've got to be carefull. 8 - suggest that you guys be in an open relationship. You need space and want the freedom to be yourself. 7 - Not talkative? 6 - ??? 5 - LOL. I've swam in less than clean waters and have played in the mud, so I'm the wrong guy to ask 4 - Get counselling 3 - Get him to stay away from his mama. Do they live in the same city? Yeah it can be constraining if someone is still tied to their parent. 2- Morning breath? Get him to gargle listerine or something. 1 - I'm kind of the same way here. Not obsessive, but I like to get my stuff squared away - so again, wrong guy to ask
lonelyandfrustrated Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 VAmama, I think you may have been dating my best friend's husband! lol.
Potatocakes Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Oh God were we dating the same guy? There were all kinda similar then I got to 10 and it's just like him. I didnt like it either made it so boring when we went out to eat(even nice places) and he got everything 'plain' even drinks it was always pepsi.
Author VAmama Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Thanks guys. I didn't write this cause I want to change him or fix it. I just know that sometimes after a break-up we tend to focus too much on the good stuff, and forget about the bad. So I just wrote out my top 10 bad things about him so that I remember he wasn't perfect. I could totally do the opposite and list out his positive attributes, and that list would be much longer and contain many of the things I want in a relationship.... but it would probably just make me long for him more at this point and I already long enough right now.... just thinking about how much I his body next to mine in bed made me cry tonight... how I had "my spot" on his chest, and how he always wanted to wraps his toes around my toes at night..... if nothing else, our toes were always co-mingled. How I never realized that our last night together was our last night together, and how much more I would have tried to appreciate, enjoy, and remember how he felt lying next to me..... Sigh. Negative. Think about the negative too....
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