Crushedagain Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I love my wife more than i ever thought possible, but she hes come to the decision that we need to spend time apart. I have been a stay at home dad mostly for the past 3-4 years working only 10-15 hrs.needless to say i don't have much.She needs time away from me but somehow expects me to remain here.She has been on a date once because she met some guy and she has grown feelings for him. she says the reason for us to be apart is that we don't work well together. I cant stand to see this end but i cannot look past the lies and the betrayal. i want to give her the time she needs, but should i stay here and sleep on the couch ? or should i find a place to stay? we have 3 kids and always wanted to be there instead of childcare which makes more sense than spending that money on childcare when it would just mean less time w/ the kids. i cannot leave the kids and would never but how can i give her time she needs while still living in the same house? If we must get separated i must find a full time job if not more , but she refuses to let me get one that conflicts with her schedule , because it would only result in childcare. I want the best for the ones i love, but cannot deny my felling of i shouldn't be in the same house.We hardly saw each other anyways but there will be those times when we are here together.I have no idea what to do.I do have any number of places to stay for a while but if separation is what has to be done i feel i deserve the time to do what i need to secure a home and income to support the kids and myself.Should i move out and come back to watch the kids everyday? or ignore the everyday pain i feel of having my beloved in the next room? How do i give this time needed and still be the father i want to be? I used to be the only provider and she was a stay at home mom for the same reasons.But i never looked down upon her because she wasn't bringing in money, she had the more important job of mom which is so much harder than any job, i know that now i am doing the same she did, but also working when i can to help fill that gap. it still isn't enough. So working at the same hours and putting the kids in childcare may be the only option? Even though its less time with our children it would be better because we can afford nicer things?I am not materialistic at all, but i know the kids deserve everything i can give. And i want to give them Everything i can. But just the idea of childcare is not even a option for her. is this fair to any of us? I want to take all the load i can , and also want to better myself for the family so i can provide the way i should. But with so little time for me to do that how can i expect to be that man i need and want to be.
Owl Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 First...do NOT leave your home!!!!!! If you leave your home, you're more than likely going to lose it in any settlement if this goes to divorce. Second...she doesn't want space apart...she wants space from you so that she can pursue her relationship with tihs other guy!!! DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS!!! Instead, find out what's going on with this other guy...tell her you're not going to give up on your marriage, and that she needs to end her affair with him. Go over to marriagebuilders, and read up on the free material...but do NOT get mired in their forums.... This should give you a good start on how to end the affair.
TrustInYourself Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Owl, I enjoy reading your advice. You are what I term.."WARRIOR". Haha.
mark982 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 lets see, you are the 'mr. mom' have been for years now. buddy see a lawyer,quickly. let her pay you.she'll pay you child support, plus alimony.
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 lets see, you are the 'mr. mom' have been for years now. buddy see a lawyer,quickly. let her pay you.she'll pay you child support, plus alimony. What goes around, comes around...stick it to her.
TrustInYourself Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Honest answer? She's being selfish. How is she going to recognize her behavior? Give her a taste of her own medicine. Be more independent. Be confident. Go out with others, both men and women. Keep her guessing. Live life for yourself. See a lawyer. Cover your bases. Be on top of the situation, rather than a victim. Perception and mindset will allow you to take actions that you need to take to be independent and to also provide for your children. Don't let her guilt trip you. That's manipulation on her part. End the manipulation. Show no jealousy. Smile and laugh at your fortune, because even if you feel like crap, let her know that you are the one who will come out on top. That's what it sounds like to me at least, since you are the one worrying about the kids and being a responsible husband. She's not.
imagine Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Be more independent. Be confident. Go out with others, both men and women. Keep her guessing. Live life for yourself. . I think that financial independence would be a good place to start. Is there a possibility of furthering your skills? You may need to find work in the event of a split. Prepare for that day. Independence will make you a more attractive proposition to you wife. Or to future Mrs Crushed. In any case this marriage sounds dysfunctional in that it appears extremely difficult to meet each others emotional needs with the limited time available to you both. Another thing that strikes me, is that you don't have to agree with your wife when she declares that space is required. Also, I think that I would go to whoever she is dating, take the kids and quietly confront them both. Yeah! Assert yourself. Don't even argue with her, just tell her that she needs to come home. ...And you just park there with the kids. I hope that you get a chance to run through the marriage builder website to check the articles there. Read His Needs/Her Needs. OK. I'm going to stop rambling now.
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