carrot10 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I've been with my bf for almost a year. We broke up for a week and got back together. I knew nothing was going to change in that week but I missed him. I realized that if I let go of my expectations then maybe things would work out. What do you all think? Is this just a dumb idea? I really like spending time together and getting his calls everyday. I do love him very much. I've decided that I will date other people as well. Can you backtrack in a relationship? We started out exclusive from day 3. I fell hard since it was my 1st real relationship after my marriage. I mistook alot of what he said and did as him feeling the same way I did. The reason we broke up is because he said the "I love you but not in love" thing. So, has anyone been able to shift the relationship from exclusive to casual and it work out?
Tryng2Trust08 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Yikes...."I love you, not in love with you" would make me RUN AWAY FAST!! If you're ok with the idea of casually dating him, then I would go for it. But by your post it seems you want more and he wants it to be casual. It seems you want the comfort of knowing he is there, by his calling and spending time with him. It seems like maybe it is time to date other people, but maybe cut him loose slowly? Does he know u will be seeing other guys?
Kamille Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I knew nothing was going to change in that week but I missed him. Of course you missed him - but how is that a good reason for getting back together? Bottom line is, you're responsible for your own well-being. And sometimes that mean being tough on yourself. I quit smoking and I still miss it sometimes. Does it mean I should start back? Hell no. I know I'm not asnwering your question. Your situation sounds like a recipe for prolongued misery. But since this is the way you want to go about it, yes, please go backwards on the commitment and start dating other people. Get ready for complications though... I really don't see how this could go smoothly since... well... wouldn't it mean you both get to see other people?
Author carrot10 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 He doesn't want to see other people but by him telling me that he can't flip the switch with me and doesn't know why, it made me question how much I should be putting in this relationship. I'm not unhappy, I just want what I want. I was in a marriage with a man who swore that he loved me but rarely made time for me. I left the marriage because I loved him but loved myself more. So here I am again with the same situation. I know people have busy lives but if you can make time for everyone and everything and not the person you are in a relationship with-I call that being taken for granted. I'm just not ready to have him completely out of my life. Of course he's fine, he's got somebody who completely loves him. I don't know how to unlove somebody! If anybody knows that answer, please tell me!!
KinAZ Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I had a guy tell me that he loved me very early on. He asked me and I said "yes." A few days later, I decided to clarify that with him. I was fresh out of a relationship (again) and he hadn't been out of his LTR very long either. The thing is that people understand "in love" and love in different ways, just as they express it in different ways too. Some people are actually just afraid of that whole vulnerability thing. I told "The One" the same thing, because it was true, and I didn't bother to clarify because I didn't think it would make much of a difference. When I told him that I loved him but wasn't in love with him, it just basically meant that I had not lost my good sense because of him. lmao I wasn't gaga over him, but that doesn't mean that I did not love him DEEPLY. I truly did. I would go by his actions more than his words. I would ask him what he thinks it means to be "in love". To me, being in love = goofy. LOL, we tend not to think as clearly or logically in those times, and are often led by our emotions to act/react (whether positively or negatively). If he says he loves you, and he shows it, then that's the most important thing! If being in love to him is somewhere along the lines of being ready to settle down and get married, then there's another perspective. I say you ask.
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