Author Agent_99 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 Thank you phoenixrising.. a lot of point you posted is/was how i feel. like how I felt he was the one..and have been waiting for him to make the change like what he said.. But honestly in the end of our relationship I don't even think I'm the 2nd best.. God know whatever the number I really am in his priority? Simply because he said one thing but doing another... And the other thing you point out I felt deeply was doesn't matter what he said or if things were "good".. the cold hard truth was as long as he was putting me in that 3rd wheel position, he is not choosing me.. it hurts me so badly when I'm with him.. and even now. Right now I just got so many ups and downs.. sometimes like today I feel fine to be by myself.. but somehow yesterday I just felt so down. I think I was finally facing myself and facing that he didn't choose me.. even though I know that deep down but just holding a little tiny hope inside... And I know for sure I won't contact him, because if I do, I won't be able to forgive myself by doing so.. also that's the last little pride I have left after this very traumatizing relationship.. I do want to move froward, with him there is no future and endless heart breaks. .. at least now I can have a chance. Once again thank you ladies for your words.. I feel I need to talk to someone sometimes but doesn't know who I can talk to.. and to read your words really help. oh.. and one little advice for people who are thinking about doing NC or in the beginning of the NC, DON'T answer his call or email.. he may come back to say all the words you want to hear but really it will only cause more damage on your own. I know that from my own lesson. I've never been good at NC But I'm finding other ways for me to move on. MW knows that I am moving on, and we are both working at letting go. There are as always setbacks. BUT it's what works for me, not everyone. Maybe I'm trying to take the easy way out, but doing it slowly, the thing about it is, I'm okay with the way things are now. I have my 'power' back. I feel balanced and have reached that by in essence making her an option and not a priority. I'm so sorry that your going through a ruff up and down time. I can only imagine how much you miss having someone there after 6 years, even if it was only part time. I was married for 13 years and there are times I miss my ex-husband even though I was the one to leave and I am perfectly happy being unmarried. ~99
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