me007 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Hi all, I'm new here. I will try to keep this short, but it will still be long. I've been reading the e-books the Magic Of Making Up and Winning Back Your Ex and reading all the little articles and videos. I just got them this week, but I think if I actually had the info from these books when the breakup actually happened I might have had a very good chance getting back together with my boyfriend. If you haven't read them, it starts out saying to act calm, agree with the breakup, and go complete no contact for at least a month. It's funny it listed almost EVERYTHING I did wrong these last few months, text messages, calling, emails, begging, crying...it makes me feel better I'm not that nuts for doing them though that books tell you not to do them because it must be pretty common. I didn't see the breakup coming and thought we'd be together forever. We were looking for rings to get engaged and planning to get married in a year or 2...the thought of searching out books and info like that didn't cross my mind. I'm going to attempt to follow the advice..but I wonder if it's too late for me? It's been 4-5 months since he actually said he wanted to end things. We were living together for a few months and I was taking some classes and working in a new area. Even though he said we were broken up, he agreed I could still live with him for 2 more months until I finished the classes I was taken. I believe he did this so he didn't feel guilty breaking up with me..to let me leave with something to better my life. Honestly, even though it was important to finish the classes I was taking, I partially stayed hoping to try and work things out with him. And you got it...I was crying, arguing, fighting the breakup trying to reason with him. He even said to me at one point the tighter I try to hold on to it the more I lose it. My dad even gave advice and said not to talk to him and just do what I needed to do and act like he wasn't there. But I was so hurt and my emotions got the best of me; I thought crying saying how much I loved him and would change would make him have a change of heart. I moved back home almost 3 months now. The most I've managed no contact is 1-2 weeks. Then I would just do the calling and text messaging like a maniac asking him to please talk things over with me and that I was sorry for anything I did to ruin our relationship and I wouldn't do them again...all the mistakes the books tell you not to do. But at one point last month he called me to tell me I forgot a shirt at his place. He said he'd come down to give it to me (I live 2 hours away now). I asked if he wanted to hangout and he said "yeah,ok". I thought maybe he was giving in to giving me another chance. Even my dad was surprised he;d drive all the way here to just drop something off (with gas as high as it is it would of been cheaper to just mail it). I acted friendly and tried to have a good time not bringing up getting back together or anything about the breakup. When he left I just thanked him for coming and said I really missed him. The next day I asked if I should have any hope in us getting back together (big mistake, rushing things) and he said don't keep hopes up and he just came to see me because he wants to be friends and was being friendly. I would think he'd know coming down would be leading me on after all the begging I was doing..and he should know it also is way too soon and impossible to remain friends at this time. My dad said (from a males point of view) he thinks he came down because he really did want to see me. A few weeks later I was going to a concert up his way and he had some mail there for me that we agreed I could pick up. Days before going to see him I asked if we could go out to dinner and try talking. He said he would think about it. Well..one night he wasn't talking to me I went off calling a bunch of times and he got mad. When I did go there to pick up the mail he said he was going to talk to me and I messed up in the process of getting him back... I asked what I should do and he quickly says "give him time" but then says "i don't want to say anything and get your hopes up in case we don't get back together." Since then it's been a month with the same stuff. I'm getting alot of mixed messages from him..and I'm pretty sure all the pressure really pushed him away. Does it sound like he might possibly want to get back together with me? I have nothing to lose to try to do what the "Magic Of Making Up" says and go no contact for atleast a month..maybe longer in my case. Try the oppisite of what I was doing (why didn't I think of it sooner). I'm sure in a month or 2 there will be no problem actually talking to him since he said he hopes we can be friends one day. If I do what the book says and start talking and hanging out friendly..that can go the wrong way with him thinking I'm ready to just be friends. How soon should I break n/c and how soon should I bring up getting back together (this time keeping my cool)? Does it even sound worth the time and effort in my case?
WiseOne1 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Hi all, I'm new here. I will try to keep this short, but it will still be long. I've been reading the e-books the Magic Of Making Up and Winning Back Your Ex and reading all the little articles and videos. I just got them this week, but I think if I actually had the info from these books when the breakup actually happened I might have had a very good chance getting back together with my boyfriend. If you haven't read them, it starts out saying to act calm, agree with the breakup, and go complete no contact for at least a month. It's funny it listed almost EVERYTHING I did wrong these last few months, text messages, calling, emails, begging, crying...it makes me feel better I'm not that nuts for doing them though that books tell you not to do them because it must be pretty common. I didn't see the breakup coming and thought we'd be together forever. We were looking for rings to get engaged and planning to get married in a year or 2...the thought of searching out books and info like that didn't cross my mind. I'm going to attempt to follow the advice..but I wonder if it's too late for me? It's been 4-5 months since he actually said he wanted to end things. We were living together for a few months and I was taking some classes and working in a new area. Even though he said we were broken up, he agreed I could still live with him for 2 more months until I finished the classes I was taken. I believe he did this so he didn't feel guilty breaking up with me..to let me leave with something to better my life. Honestly, even though it was important to finish the classes I was taking, I partially stayed hoping to try and work things out with him. And you got it...I was crying, arguing, fighting the breakup trying to reason with him. He even said to me at one point the tighter I try to hold on to it the more I lose it. My dad even gave advice and said not to talk to him and just do what I needed to do and act like he wasn't there. But I was so hurt and my emotions got the best of me; I thought crying saying how much I loved him and would change would make him have a change of heart. I moved back home almost 3 months now. The most I've managed no contact is 1-2 weeks. Then I would just do the calling and text messaging like a maniac asking him to please talk things over with me and that I was sorry for anything I did to ruin our relationship and I wouldn't do them again...all the mistakes the books tell you not to do. But at one point last month he called me to tell me I forgot a shirt at his place. He said he'd come down to give it to me (I live 2 hours away now). I asked if he wanted to hangout and he said "yeah,ok". I thought maybe he was giving in to giving me another chance. Even my dad was surprised he;d drive all the way here to just drop something off (with gas as high as it is it would of been cheaper to just mail it). I acted friendly and tried to have a good time not bringing up getting back together or anything about the breakup. When he left I just thanked him for coming and said I really missed him. The next day I asked if I should have any hope in us getting back together (big mistake, rushing things) and he said don't keep hopes up and he just came to see me because he wants to be friends and was being friendly. I would think he'd know coming down would be leading me on after all the begging I was doing..and he should know it also is way too soon and impossible to remain friends at this time. My dad said (from a males point of view) he thinks he came down because he really did want to see me. A few weeks later I was going to a concert up his way and he had some mail there for me that we agreed I could pick up. Days before going to see him I asked if we could go out to dinner and try talking. He said he would think about it. Well..one night he wasn't talking to me I went off calling a bunch of times and he got mad. When I did go there to pick up the mail he said he was going to talk to me and I messed up in the process of getting him back... I asked what I should do and he quickly says "give him time" but then says "i don't want to say anything and get your hopes up in case we don't get back together." Since then it's been a month with the same stuff. I'm getting alot of mixed messages from him..and I'm pretty sure all the pressure really pushed him away. Does it sound like he might possibly want to get back together with me? I have nothing to lose to try to do what the "Magic Of Making Up" says and go no contact for atleast a month..maybe longer in my case. Try the oppisite of what I was doing (why didn't I think of it sooner). I'm sure in a month or 2 there will be no problem actually talking to him since he said he hopes we can be friends one day. If I do what the book says and start talking and hanging out friendly..that can go the wrong way with him thinking I'm ready to just be friends. How soon should I break n/c and how soon should I bring up getting back together (this time keeping my cool)? Does it even sound worth the time and effort in my case? Im gonna tell you something about LS, its the wrong place to come if you want any advice besides NC, the only remedy people have here as advice is "NC" youll actually get sick of reading about NC. Trust me after this post youll get the story of NC, and the legend behind it. People on LS for some reason disagree very stronly about E Book's so dont really expect to get any help when it comes to that. I've read the Magic Of Making up, well only the tutorial not the full thing, but bassically It Worked! It worked to get my ex gf back for one night before she started to change again and become unsure of herself again. So she was all in love with me for 1 night, bassically she got very jealous and felt like I didnt need her anymore, so she started naggin and beggin for my attention. So im not gonna knock the book. Its just that most of the time when the ex comes back E Books dont fix the problems that caused the break, therefore there still there, and sometimes the problems come back. But good luck though.
HopeDiesLast Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 is the book any good? i mean, does it actually tell you to contact him? Look, me007- my situation is pretty much the same as yours- minus my ex doesnt wanna give me false hopes so he will only answer texts and not talk to me. i didnt beg or cry excessively. i wrote a letter on how i felt when i returned his stuff and still got no response. i think at this point, theres nothing you can do. yes hes got mixed messages but i cant tell you if hes gonna come or its permanent- no one can but him. it could go either way. Your best bet is to cut him off and let him decide on his own. thats where i am right now. in hopeless situations, you have to do nothing. A- because you can get better in case nothing with him happens. youll be ready for whatever comes next. and B- you wont pressure him. youll give him space, time, everything he needs to think about. When you're not around hes either gonna wonder why u suddenly disappeared or hes gonna think "ok shes over it. thats good, im not hurting her anymore." But asking questions and reassuring him ur readily available is not the way to go. i just wish id take my own advice!
WiseOne1 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 is the book any good? i mean, does it actually tell you to contact him? Look, me007- my situation is pretty much the same as yours- minus my ex doesnt wanna give me false hopes so he will only answer texts and not talk to me. i didnt beg or cry excessively. i wrote a letter on how i felt when i returned his stuff and still got no response. i think at this point, theres nothing you can do. yes hes got mixed messages but i cant tell you if hes gonna come or its permanent- no one can but him. it could go either way. Your best bet is to cut him off and let him decide on his own. thats where i am right now. in hopeless situations, you have to do nothing. A- because you can get better in case nothing with him happens. youll be ready for whatever comes next. and B- you wont pressure him. youll give him space, time, everything he needs to think about. When you're not around hes either gonna wonder why u suddenly disappeared or hes gonna think "ok shes over it. thats good, im not hurting her anymore." But asking questions and reassuring him ur readily available is not the way to go. i just wish id take my own advice! It Works, its a good book. Its just gonna take a little more effort on his belhalf, he has to want to fix the problems in the relationship, or whatever caused the breakup. Like I said it got my ex back for 1 night only.
Amacada Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 The book has some useful information in it, but it's selling point is the "Getting back with your ex". As a result, any credible information contained within it is tainted by questionable motives. It contains alot of information on self-improvement, but it is quite superficial in that the improvement you are making is motivated by the desire to regain a lost love - not for genuine self-improvement. "No More Mr Nice Guy" is by far the most useful and insightful book I have read - and it is all about improving you FOR you....not for someone else. It also works on setting boundaries and maintaining your standards and dignity - the kind of things that WILL make you attractive and far healthier in entering any relationship (whether that be with an ex or someone new).
Treasa Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I think that if someone says they need time, you need to give it to them. If they said they want to be just friends, just be their friend! I don't think that there's any set time in which you should start asking for another chance again. I don't think you should promise to change. I think those things make people look needy and unattractive. Trust me, your ex knows you want to be with him/her. Your ex will also undoubtedly let you know if he/she ever wants to be with you again. In the meantime, you should focus on yourself and even consider moving on. No sense in maintaining a holding pattern without the other person even hinting that they might want to try again. Become so busy with yourself and your own hobbies that you don't have time to worry about what your ex is doing. Be his/her friend but don't expect or ask for anything.
WiseOne1 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I think that if someone says they need time, you need to give it to them. If they said they want to be just friends, just be their friend! I don't think that there's any set time in which you should start asking for another chance again. I don't think you should promise to change. I think those things make people look needy and unattractive. Trust me, your ex knows you want to be with him/her. Your ex will also undoubtedly let you know if he/she ever wants to be with you again. In the meantime, you should focus on yourself and even consider moving on. No sense in maintaining a holding pattern without the other person even hinting that they might want to try again. Become so busy with yourself and your own hobbies that you don't have time to worry about what your ex is doing. Be his/her friend but don't expect or ask for anything. I Agree with most of your post. The only problem with it, is that not everyone can handle being friends with there ex. It hurts some people to stay friends with the ex, due to many factors, mostly that your not over them, and anything they do as far as relationship wise will effect you. Thats where NC comes in to place, "what you dont know cant hurt you" so alot of the time when the ex is dating someone else, the last thing you want to do is know about it. Staying in contact with the ex is only going to keep you stuck on them, while there moving on. Alot of people mistake NC for a way to punish the ex, or since they take away the relationship you take away the friendship, and thats not what it is! Just like the ex is doing what they think is best for them, you have to do what you think is best for you, but if your able to be friends with your ex without being hurt, they go right ahead. Its just that most arent.
Treasa Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 If you can't handle being just friends with your ex, then you shouldn't be. My main point is that you shouldn't ask for anything more if that's all they're telling you they want to be.
nopainnogain Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Trust me after this post youll get the story of NC, and the legend behind . Lol. Those e books arent my cup of tea. I wouldnt go n/c. Id just cut her out of my life.
nowhereman82 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 The post honestly sounds like spam to me....if I was a moderator I would edit out the names of the books.
Hopelessly_Devoted Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Yeah it does, I actually bought it when my and ex and I first broke up and well LS provides the same information- if not better
Author me007 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I know just letting it go is probably for the best..but at times I seen some hope, and I didn't give him a good amount of time to think about his decision either. That's why I said I did all the mistakes in that book and I'm kicking myself for it... you'd think being all sweet and romantic like in movies sending a letter how much you like them and how sorry for whatever you did would melt them and they'd try again... but it really just pushed him further away. I'm not spamming the book. I've read a few ebooks and taking bits and pieces from each one. I said I did everything it says not to because I read it just last weekend... just wondering if anyone followed it how late is too late..like any success stories. I did find some advice that wasn't said on these forums or any forums though, and whether I get this ex back or get dumped again in the future I will follow what it says. Everyone says just go no contact forever, but some of us are foolish enough to try chasing after them again, and we usually let our emotions take over when trying to talk to them. It's just some advice on the best way to go about it. It does give good advice, but you really don't need to buy it, they give away the first half online already, and that is keeping your cool from the second the breakup happens (how many of us really keep cool when are hearts are just broken?) and walk away for a month doing no contact (how many of us really do that..I'm sure most of us call, email, write letters all trying begging or trying to convince to work/talk things out). According to the book, that just confirms their decisions to breakup with you. But walking away like nothing is bothering you makes them feel like they are the ones being dumped.. like they are supposed to think "wait..you don't want/need me?" I think in MY case if I had read it sooner it might have helped... my boyfriend wasn't 100% comfortable breaking up with me.. I didn't cheat or anything... I had my own insecurities not trusting him and he said it wore him out. Thats kinda what I was asking..if his actions seemed like he was still interested in some way, and if anyone did follow the advice in the book how do you avoid falling into the friends zone, since the advice in the book is start off being friendly if you get your ex to start talking and hanging out again.
sultry33 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 hi me007 well wwhen my ex 1st broke up with me i did it all.. cried called/texted would have sold my soul to the devil to get him to come back.. was very hurt for a few months.. we saw each other few times an i pushed too soon.. needing answers.. finally i couldnt take anymore didnt contact him at all for over a month.. but i did tell him i thought it was for best for both of us.. then i messaged him as deep down i missed him like mad.. i know i always love him.. we are meeting up tonight.. i suggested a few weeks but he asked for tonight so maybe nc does work.. i dont believe in full nc as if you both do it and you are stubborn or the type that will stick it out you never get anywhere.. but from experience of being the one to normally end the relationship i can say nothing worse than a pleading needy ex... even if its hurting however a confident hard to get ex is like forbidden fruit.. u just need a bite;) so take this time for you.. get your self together have some fun and what will be will be hope it works out for you.. my attitude now is im happy as i am but i want to see him too .. i dont need him.. crave him like before, i do know that soon he wont be as busy so maybe my timing is spot on;) i hopeso btw we broke up on march 13th.. so no i dont think its too long for you hugs to you x
sultry33 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 how do you avoid falling into the friends zone, since the advice in the book is start off being friendly if you get your ex to start talking and hanging out again. you look damn hot:laugh: friend zone is for those with no attraction i think.. thats what my male friends are to me.. guys i dont fancy..
Jackee Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 If you are really waiting for your ex back and for a relationship advice i feel you should read the book of magic of making up once. It helps you to know the techniques like how to convince your are the love of their life, how to apologize promise how to change for good, etc and get your ex back.
ahhhchooo Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I've read the Magic Of Making up, well only the tutorial not the full thing, but bassically It Worked! It worked to get my ex gf back for one night before she started to change again and become unsure of herself again. I actually LOL'd when I read that. When I was younger I NC'd a girl (without advice to) after a 3 month relationship just for the fact that I had a life (the reason she dumped me was that I wasn't willing to incorporate her into my life as much as she wanted). She sniffed around after about a month and we ended up having sex again. I was all over her like a rash straight away. The reasons for the break-up don't disappear. As soon as you "enter" back into the relationship the issues immediately resurface.
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