Angel1111 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Ok....not really. This isn't a post about smashing my tongue with a hammer - although I must admit that the visual makes me giggle. It's just a fun follow-up from Hubba, hubba's post (aka Johan) about his tongue rusting out....or something like that. Oh, the endless intrigue on this forum. But there is a real topic - hopefully as exciting as injured tongues: This is a question about what causes that feeling of a switch being flipped inside of us...you know, when our feelings just suddenly change from one position to another, like doing a 180. For example, my ex contacted me today - just a friend type email but I realized, not for the first time, that while it's nice to hear from him, I don't feel the same way about him anymore. It seemed to have happened shortly after our last break-up....like someone reached inside of me and flipped a switch and turned the emotional 'light' to 'off'. I broke up with him because of circumstances and because I felt he no longer cared about me. And it was like all that hope and love I had for years just completely died a sudden death, and all the yearning and passion took a nose-dive. Does there just come a point when logic finally overrules the heart? It seems I completely lost my desire to want something that made me hurt so much - simply because logically it made no sense for love to behave that way. Not to say that those feelings aren't lying dormant somewhere inside me because they probably are. I'm just curious about what gets us there, what causes that sudden switch. Has anyone else ever experienced this or am I just screwed up...?
carhill Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 You're getting healthy. Loving someone who's healthy for you will ignite all that stuff again. I had nearly the exact same thing happen to me today. All that was there was business, no emotion. Really cool. For me, it was the two months of strict NC. It, along with therapy, broke the chemical bonds in my brain. Me, I use vise grips on the tongue. Leaves a cooler scar. Seriously, I remember sticking my pinkie in an air chuck once, just to see what would happen. The air chuck got all red
Author Angel1111 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 You're getting healthy. Loving someone who's healthy for you will ignite all that stuff again. I had nearly the exact same thing happen to me today. All that was there was business, no emotion. Really cool. For me, it was the two months of strict NC. It, along with therapy, broke the chemical bonds in my brain. Me, I use vise grips on the tongue. Leaves a cooler scar. Seriously, I remember sticking my pinkie in an air chuck once, just to see what would happen. The air chuck got all red What's an air chuck? I accidentally poured super glue in my eye once, mistaking the bottle for eye drops. Now THAT was entertainment. Well, I haven't gone to therapy nor have I done NC but, yeah, I think you're right - it must be me getting healthy about myself. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy - but not good for me. I don't think love should hurt like that or that it should feel so impossible. I guess I've always believed that but now that logic seems to have reached my heart, too.
underpants Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I know, and I've been told that I have a switch. The ex that gave me cause to seek out this site said he had never seen my stubborn side. My response is that you only see it once. When it is broken, it is broken. I understand what you mean. Some never ...let go completely and cling or get a rush from seeing an old flame, or a past drama (whatever the motivation, conscious or not). I just don't have that. For good or not I don't. When I'm done the circuit is cut. That is the best way I can explain it. I will try like hell if I care to not let it come to that. However, sometimes people will just be who they are. Then it is up to you to decide if they are worth continuing to have in your life. A personal boundary issue, I guess. In cases of deception or hurt, it is logical to rewire emotions and cut off supplies to hurtful personalities. It is a self preservation thing most likely at the onset. Then, with hindsight probably reflected on as a positive life direction choice to exit a negative relationship. I have been patient to a point with others that don't want the circuit to go dead. However, the road always ends at a dead end. Some take longer then others to realize. I guess it is how long you want to drive down a dead alley. Yes, many people have a switch. Some have a dimmer. Some are just wired incorrectly.
Author Angel1111 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 The ex that gave me cause to seek out this site said he had never seen my stubborn side. My response is that you only see it once. When it is broken, it is broken. Good one. Well said. I've always been that way in my past relationships because there were too many things that were unfixable and once I realized that, I made my exit and never looked back. But this last relationship was different - we clicked on so many levels and he was just incredible, and he seemed to think I was incredible. But circumstances made it impossible and I felt his feelings changing so after 4 yrs of an on and off romance, I ended it....again. But this time around, I find myself where you're talking about. The end of the line, so to speak.
underpants Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 4 years is a long time to know someone, especially romantically. I'm sure you will grow to have a fondness for him. However, I just don't think love should be that hard. Maybe this is your stumbling block to a more mature love with someone else later? Breaking up/getting back together can be pattern forming. I learned that lesson years ago and wasted alot of time doing so. However, it was one of those life lesson things. Time really does heal all wounds.
carhill Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 What's an air chuck? Here's a cutaway view of one It's an integral part of a valve grinding machine for engine valves. The chuck uses air pressure to clamp the valve tightly so it can be rotated against a moving grinding wheel to form the valve surface. Fortunately for me, the chuck didn't close down to more than 5/16", so it didn't break my finger. Hey, I was 17 and stupid Regarding the real topic, I think, once one can see the reality of the relationship dynamic and not be ruled by one's emotions, one can balance emotion and intellect to grow from the experience. I know that it certainly has been that way for myself. I think MC has been integral to that process, but YMMV, as everyone responds differently to theraputic inputs.
Author Angel1111 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 4Breaking up/getting back together can be pattern forming. Well there were extinuating circumstances but I don't care to go into it. But I agree, break-ups can become a pattern - regardless of the reason - and they do a lot of damage.
Author Angel1111 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 Here's a cutaway view of one Oh, I see what you mean. Glad it didn't become too serious.
Narf Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Interesting topic... i have had that same feeling when it just comes to a point where you just change your thinking... Took me 3 years so i just now have to figure out how to speed up the process... for 3 years i knew it couldnt be but i guess having him there for 5 years before that point made it harder to break... I wonder what triggers the emotion to change.. i had the logical thoughts and reasoning for years before it turned into emotional understanding... I still feel for him but as another poster said my self preservation now comes first...
Storyrider Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I have a switch, but unfortunately, it switches about every three hours, or thirty minutes. Or seven minutes. Or eight seconds. Depending. Luckily, if I wait long enough, it switches back, so I just do nothing, which is absolutely the best course of action in such circumstances.
ahhhchooo Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Stupid switch is permanently in the ON position, but I remember with my old ex - she left me, I found someone new, she came back - feelings gone. The thing about my relationships is people get too used to me and take me for granted. They leave, they don't get my treatment/help for a few months - they panic... THEY HOPEFULLY COME BACK xD
Katherineos123 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 I have a switch, but unfortunately, it switches about every three hours, or thirty minutes. Or seven minutes. Or eight seconds. Depending. Luckily, if I wait long enough, it switches back, so I just do nothing, which is absolutely the best course of action in such circumstances. Hahaha. Well stated and very true Storyrider.
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