ismellsogood Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I broke up with my ex-boyfriend just about a year ago, and I was pretty much over him even before the relationship ended. Leaving him was pretty easy for me. We've been keeping touch, but not too often over the past year, and things have been friendly...but we've been very distant so that we could both efficiently get over one another. During the time we were apart, I have been incredibly assured I made the right decision, and I actually grew to loathe most of his characteristics, even though we ended peacefully. Well, he finally declared he has a steady girlfriend. I haven't even dated anyone all year; I've been concentrating on myself and tryign to meet someone. Now all of a sudden that he's in a relationship, there's a part of me that's somewhat irritated that he moved onto a new relationship. See, I didn't want to have him back, but it now seems like I don't even want him to be happy with someone else. However, I know I want a boyfriend who is not him and nothing like him. Why am I having these jealous, kinda ownership like tendencies? Maybe because I'm afraid he's going to give her what he wouldn't give me? I'm pretty confused.
Mezzi Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Hi, what you are feeling is normal. Most people have gone through similar feelings. Remember sometimes we get involved with incompatible people but that doesnt mean that those people are not compatible with others. So dont worry he may treat her better OR worse than he treated you. However, dont focus on him, instead focus on trying to find a nice new guy for yourself.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 OH DEAR You didn't really get over him did you? I don't feel like this about any exes im over, in fact I'm happy for them. Or if it was a bad breakup I'm like good luck to him for having to put up with her... lol You need to be honest with yourself
Walk Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I also agree that you weren't fully 'over' your exbf. It sounds as if you were still pretty emotional about the relationship. That although you recognized that the relationship wasn't fulfilling for you, there was still a part of you that felt strongly about your exbf. Whether that was expressed as hate, or strong dislike... those are still expressions of caring about the relationship. When you care about something, then having it go sour can ellicit feelings of anger and pain. You knew it wasn't the relationship you wanted, but that doesn't mean there weren't some good points in it that you cared about. You'd be better off accepting and remembering the good times, grieving for those and then moving forward with your life. It doesn't mean you want to be with him, it just means you acknoweldge that there were good things in the relationship. The bad out weighted those, but there were at least some good aspects to it. Just give it time. It might be helpful for you to not talk to him for a while until you digest this new situation and can really accept it for what it is. Keep focusing on YOU. Try to stay positive about your life, and go out and have fun with your friends.
Recommended Posts