laars Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 My boyfriend and I broke up for good (after a year of on again off again) two days ago and I can't stop crying. I think the hardest thing for me at the moment is accepting it. Because I know he still loves me and I still love him but we had a lot of trust issues in the relationship and it wasn't working. I kept telling myself that if things didn't improve I'd end it because having him unsure of us was destroying me. In the end, he ended it (via email... thanks) but wrote something like 'I hope this isn't forever, i think some space apart to heal may give us a better chance in the future'. I think this hope is whats really killing me. If he didn't love me at the very least I'd know that that was that. But while he said 'i don't think we should wait for one another' the whole 'maybe we'll get back together in the future' thing is killing me. How do you move past this initial crying and wanting to call, and hoping?
motive2002 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 It's really hard, but you have to let go of hope. It's like holding onto a hot pan from the stove. It will hurt worse the longer you hang onto it. I got the same ambiguous type of break up deal you did. I held onto hope that there would be a second chance, but she proved me wrong. You have to try to look forward to a life without the ex, and try to remain positive. It almost sounds impossible at this stage, but you'll get there. There are new experiences and memories waiting to be had.. new people to meet. You've come here and that's a good thing. Most of us have been exactly where you are now. But while he said 'i don't think we should wait for one another' the whole 'maybe we'll get back together in the future' thing is killing me. I hate that BS. I really do. I heard it. Many others here have heard it as well. My suggestion, take his advice. Don't wait. Every second you pine over this guy is wasted time from this point on. I wish I could have the months back I spent trying to get over my ex. I had put my happiness into someone else's hands, which was a mistake. I'm sorry you're going through pain. I really do know how you feel and it's ok to hurt for a while, but it won't be forever. I promise
sedgwick Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 The first month is an absolute nightmare. It's awful, and all you can do is get through it. It took me about six months of crying every day before I started crying only, say, every other day. Now I cry about once a week and it's 13 months later. It's progress. Slow and agonizing, but it's progress. For right now you shouldn't be thinking about anything bigger than crawling into your pajamas, eating whatever you want, and watching all the bad TV you can stand. You WILL come out of this. It won't be easy, but look at it like this: it will never again be as bad as it is today.
replicator Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Don't fall into the trap of feeling as though he still loves you. Love is an ACTION. I have to be blunt, because I held onto hope for so long because she said something similar. That perhaps in the future things would become clearer for her, and I held onto that as if my life depended on it. But, not long after I found she was with someone else. If he loved you enough, he wouldn't take the chance of losing you. Spare yourself the torment, and accept that it is over. If it should return, then it will, but don't be the one chasing after him, though every piece of you wants to reach out to him. Hang in there.
motive2002 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Don't fall into the trap of feeling as though he still loves you. Love is an ACTION. I have to be blunt, because I held onto hope for so long because she said something similar. That perhaps in the future things would become clearer for her, and I held onto that as if my life depended on it. But, not long after I found she was with someone else. If he loved you enough, he wouldn't take the chance of losing you. Spare yourself the torment, and accept that it is over. If it should return, then it will, but don't be the one chasing after him, though every piece of you wants to reach out to him. Hang in there. Well said, but don't let yourself linger in the "If it should return" part. That's the hope you need to eliminate from your current life. But yes, love is an action. I can't think of any better way to put it. He may have said a bunch of **** to you to soften the blow, but if he really did love you, he wouldn't risk losing you and would definitely make an effort to work things out. Once this becomes crystal clear to you, you'll realize that letting go is the only option. It's not easy, and it hurts but it's what must be done.
Author laars Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 thanks.... after posting on this site and reading others problems I felt freer than i have in months. I guess love is such a hard thing to let go of. Often relationships end when a lot of the love has already died, and I think that makes it easier (well at least for one party of the break up). It's just so hard to leave something when there's still so much there. It's jsut in our case the hurt kept taking over the good stuff. I mean the day before the breakup he was still sending me I love you messages and emails.
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