mniakm Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Hi all, I am new to this forum and I have been doing very well to get over my ex-fiance, I ended it myself with him, back in May 2008. Our wedding was planned for Aug 31, this year. It is now Aug 20 or so and it has been getting to me, even though I know that I made the right decision for my future to let him go. Long story short, he had some major fundamental issues that he could no longer hide from me and I clearly saw that these were dark clouds above our married life... I am feeling very emotional lately, no matter how hard I remind myself of his issues, that made me walk away, I still feel so so sad and feel like I am mourning...I have never felt this emotional and I know it is normal, but I want to know if anyone else has experienced this and if they know anything that can help... Amy
journey1 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I totally understand. I ended my engagement last Sept and the wedding was for this past Aug 15th. I instead went away with my girlfriends cause I dreaded it so much and needed to forget the date. But back to the engagement story,..... I actually wound up regretting my decision to end it with him last year and tried to get him back. He was already involved with another so I thought it was too late. Then he finally came to me again and we spent a few months together,. It was never the same. He is gone again now and he wont even text, call or email. He went total NC and I am dying from this heartbreak I swear to god. Its hard becasue you miss the things you loved about him and you did love him inspite of the qualities that ended it. What did he do if you dont mind me asking?? How old are you both??
RecordProducer Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 When I suddenly get very emotional, I just tell myself to stay cool, that it will go away soon. It goes away after a few hours or days especially when I remember all the crap he did and said in the past. Love is a state of mind, nothing else. Well, I am still living with him, but have lived wiht his rejections for over two years. Eventually it stopped hurting.
Violetta Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I finished a relationship with a man I loved but who had many attributes that I couldnt cope with. He then immediately found another and I plunged into a deep despair. What helped for me was: 1.endlessly writing lists of all that was wrong with our relationship and studying them when the pain struck. 2.when the pain got unbearable I went home or pulled over to the side of the road or whatever and sobbed, wallowed in the pain. Miraculously this really helped. I read somewhere that you have to go through the pain, so dont avoid your mourning. 3.taking it one day at a time, as if you are recovering from an addiction. 4.seeing a counsellor. Honestly, it will get better.
nowhereman82 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Journey1, I checked in on your ended engagement, your story sounds eerily like what my ex did to me when she ended our engagement 3 weeks before our wedding. Except I didn't cheat ever and her lack of communication is what caused her "issues" she had with me....which honestly seemed like she was digging for. She found herself a emotional friend online, he moved to the area, and the rest is history. I hope she ends up miserable with him. If I owned a gun and ever saw him...I'd shoot him but not to kill him. He put himself where he shouldn't have been. Don't people have any morals or sense of right and wrong anymore? OP...my wedding date was to be June 14th. I went and spent the weekend with my family. I stayed so busy that it did not hit me until 6pm that I was suppose to be at my wedding reception with the people I loved. I was grateful for the support my family showed and that I didn't spend the day dwelling on it. My heart goes out to you....even if you did end it. Question because I am curious...is there a reason you couldn't postpone the wedding a work on the issues? Had they been worked on before? I was personally disappointed in my ex for just throwing everything away without trying...so close to marriage. I considered myself married and as a married couple aren't you suppose to work on things and live by your vows? Through thick and thin....
journey1 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 For me personally I would ahve postponed it but we had such a bad ending the first time and he said vicious stuff to me and than he didnt try to get me back for a month or so. I was already seeing soemone that liked me and I took achance on him to ease my pain. So I immediately fell into someone elses arms. I should have suffered the pain then rather than masking it. I pften wondered why he didnt try harder and we could have postponed it, I mean we hadnt lost any $ I got my deposit back. He just seemed to have given up and at that point I had another interest. I quickly realized I only loved the ex. A tough life lesson.
nowhereman82 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I've shared my want to try with the ex. And that I feel like I am giving up too easily....and her response is she didn't think she could do it because at this point her heart wouldn't be into it as much as mine would be. Oh well... Be interesting to see what happens if/when things fizzle with the new guy. And if I will even be interested in trying then. She had shared with me that she was tired of crying (during our couple week demise) so I am sure she ran to him for comfort and to keep her mind clear. Thinking on us was too hard and scary for her. Guess my fault is that I unconditionally love her. The real kind. So I worry as to how I will react when that happens.
Grace112 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Hi Amy, I just passed the 1 year anniversary of when my ex called off the wedding and don't think it's odd at all that you're mourning as the date approaches. The date meant something to you and I'm sure you spent a long time thinking that this was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. It's not easy to let go of that idea once you believe in it - regardless of whatever was fundamentally wrong. My advice is to be with family/friends that you love that day. Make it into a new event. On my wedding date last year, I went to Palm Springs with my friends. We drank, we laughed, we had a great time. Just a word of caution, you might think the actual date will be the hard day. It's the day after that was the toughest for me - waking up and realizing I wasn't Mrs. X - made me want to stay in bed. Have a plan for the day after as well. I wish you the best.
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