Alma Mobley Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 This is a bit of a stretch. Yeah, I guess I'm "def fat" then. Good thing I can't hear it when people laugh about my fat ass behind my back LOL. Me too. What a bizarre post.
serialgf Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 kmt - i vote for being honest. it may sound harsh but if you let her know that once you were able to view more pics you saw her body type is a bit bigger than you expected and that you're not interested. you may even tell her that you thought her initial profile pic was misleading. i know it sounds like it will hurt her feelings, and it very well may, but at least it will give her honest feedback and that will help her in the future. i am giving you this advice from the perspective of a bigger girl. i am not as big as camryn but im not a size 6 either (i'm a 10-12). i think i'm hot and i don't have a problem finding guys to date. but im also very up-front about the way i look and there are lots of guys who like a little extra, especially in the boob and butt areas.... but anyways i digress.... the point is that maybe by you being honest with her it will help her be honest with her profile for future potential mates. on the other hand by lying or giving her some lame "got back with my ex" line it won't give her any feedback and she won't have a clue as to the real reason she's constantly being rejected... you'll actually be doing her a favor by being honest.... and btw i can't believe how many people told you to lie... that's just sick
Alma Mobley Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 serialgf, Contrary to what others post here, I don't think you qualify as a "bigger" girl. I think he's finding a way to let her down easy, as are other people. However, I think it's fine if he tells her, "I don't feel an attraction." I don't know if it would do any good to tell her her profile face pic is "misleading." He can do that, and yes, it will be brutally honest. And, yes, it will hurt her. But then, she'll probably just write him off as a shallow jerk and not change her pic. (Not saying he is shallow, but she will probably think that if he says it.) I think this might go over a bit better (if it can be called better) if they met in person and he told her that her pics were misleading, but sheesh, who wants to be in that position? The girl is going to be hurt no matter what. Perhaps it's true and she does need someone to tell her ... I don't know.
stefspets Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I can't believe some of the ridiculous responses in this thread. What purpose, besides to hurt her feelings, would being honest serve? Unless she is completely deluded, she KNOWS she's overweight--telling her you're getting back with an ex is a tactful out and avoids pointing out to her something she already knows. These posts about how a size 10 at 5'6" is obese are completely insane. That is all I'm going to say on that topic.
Alma Mobley Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Well, luvmy2ns, I am cutting him a break. I see nothing wrong with how he feels, but I am waffling on how honest he should be with her. I think he should be tactful, but also honest. But being honest will probably still hurt her. So, how to approach it? I still think the "I don't feel an attraction" line might be the best -- honest, but not brutal. And stefspets, the comments on jean/dress size (which?) for a 5'6 woman are wacky, lol.
serialgf Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 i think either i miscommunicated or that my post is being misunderstood. by being honest i didn't mean that he's not into her because she's fat but rather because she mislead him with the initial profile pic. what i'm saying is that if she had a more representative profile pic then she would have a better chance of finding someone who is genuinely attracted to her. luvmy2ns: i agree with the following statement "That's not to say a guy would never date her. I know plenty of guys who are fine with a really heavy gal." That's exactly what i was trying to get through in my initial response, that helping her realize that her profile pic is misleading, and thus NOT helping her get guys, and may (or may not) help her be more honest with her pic. stefspets: in response to "What purpose, besides to hurt her feelings, would being honest serve? Unless she is completely deluded, she KNOWS she's overweight--telling her you're getting back with an ex is a tactful out and avoids pointing out to her something she already knows." Maybe you're right and she already knows all this and it will just hurt her... But on the other hand, what i'm saying is maybe she doesn't realize that by offering a misleading profile pic of just her face she is actually hurting her chances of finding an appropriate match. because someone who is likely to be attracted to her in real life will be attracted to a profile pic that honestly represents her. does that make any sense? i don't want to see this girl get hurt alma - i guess i was using the term bigger as opposed to small, or hot or petite or whatever these guys think is "normal" or "acceptable". i guess i consider myself voluptuous.... but whatevers kmt - are you still around? what did you end up doing?
Alma Mobley Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 alma - i guess i was using the term bigger as opposed to small, or hot or petite or whatever these guys think is "normal" or "acceptable". i guess i consider myself voluptuous.... but whatevers I know what you meant. I still think a woman your size can be smokin' hot, and I am a bit tired of the guys who post on here about it, but I guess that's MY problem. I do hope KMT can let her down easy but be honest with her at the same time.
Author Green Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 Well so far I've ended up doing nothing. Havn't logged onto either the email account or the myspace account and she doesnt have my number... so I've just done nothing.
Alma Mobley Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 You two aren't dating, so you are allowed to do that. Silence usually communicates the message "I am not interested."
mortensorchid Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 That's one of the great ironies in life - Fat women have pretty faces, and ugly men have nice dispositions.
serialgf Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 lovemy2ns: who were you asking the question to? well, on my behalf, yes i have told a lot of white and gray and even black lies, but when it comes to my appearance with someone online i always tell the truth or if anyting make myself seem less attractive so that when the person meets me they're not appalled and may even be pleasantly surprised.... when it comes to letting someone know im not interested in them, i'd like to think that i'm pretty honest in that department too, though of course you are right i'm sure i have lied to spare someones feelings. my advice to kmt is in my opinion ideally what i think he should do. i think all of us at loveshack give people advice that we ourselves would like to take but sometimes might not have the guts or the objective point of view in the midst of our problems. i think that's the beauty of loveshack and of course ultimately kmt as well as all other OPs are going to do what they want in the end... i am not being malicious nor do i want this girl to get hurt but it sounds as though she could use someone giving it to her straight... if you want to disagree thats your right as well as its my right to have my own opinion kmt - doing nothing might be your best bet at this poing- i hope you find a girlie who suits all of your needs and maybe if nothing else you've learned to not say youre definitely interested until you've seen a full representation of your next prospective mate.... and also maybe you've learned to ID a fat chick from a face pic... that's a skill that can come in handy...
Shygirl15 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 No, I was posing that question to the other poster who told us to "cut the crap" which, in essence, is not allowing US to have OUR opinion. Infact, I think it's serialgf you should be replying to. I could be wrong..
serialgf Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 lovemy2ns: i'm the one who said cut the crap in the title of my first response and i was directing it to kmt and i meant is as in don't lie to her... because in my opinion lies are crap so that's what i meant by cut the crap. that's not to say that i've never lied... i'm full of crap all the time! (geez, sometimes its really hard to get your point across when you're just using words and you're not there to say it)
Author Green Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 lovemy2ns: i'm the one who said cut the crap in the title of my first response and i was directing it to kmt and i meant is as in don't lie to her... because in my opinion lies are crap so that's what i meant by cut the crap. that's not to say that i've never lied... i'm full of crap all the time! (geez, sometimes its really hard to get your point across when you're just using words and you're not there to say it) well I'm not going tell her the truth, Its not like I'm in that Jim Carrey movie Liar, Liar and I'm forced to write her back " Now that I see your fat I'm grossed out I ever talked to you and slightly insulted you thought a guy like me would go for a girl like you, in the future I suggest you either take your profile off private or put more then some artistic close up of your face or send a pic back in reply instead of linking me to your private face pic myspace account." Look this is maybe the second or third time I've ever been in this situation, its been interesting to hear peoples opinions of what I should do
Alma Mobley Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 well I'm not going tell her the truth, Its not like I'm in that Jim Carrey movie Liar, Liar and I'm forced to write her back " Now that I see your fat I'm grossed out I ever talked to you and slightly insulted you thought a guy like me would go for a girl like you, in the future I suggest you either take your profile off private or put more then some artistic close up of your face or send a pic back in reply instead of linking me to your private face pic myspace account." Look this is maybe the second or third time I've ever been in this situation, its been interesting to hear peoples opinions of what I should do Again -- you are not dating. At this point, you do not owe her an explanation. Your silence should tell her that you are not interested, and she will move on. If you had been on dates with her like, say, 4-5 times, that might warrant a voice conversation, but in this case? Forget about it. You don't owe her an explanation and she will get the message.
serialgf Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 KMT: i feel like i'm vicariously living through you and am being idealistic... i like the liar liar comparison... i must admit half of me would really what i'd like to see you say that (except for the "do you think a guy like me would be interested in a girl like you" line because honestly yes there are hot fit guys (though im not sure if that describes you can't tell by your profile pic) that like bigger girls... though granted probably not many) because i honestly doubt anyone's been honest with her before about her strategy. but on the other hand, maybe i'm just clueless and someone has told her that and her reaction has been to continue using the "reel em in with the artsy closeup of the pretty face" technique. who knows... upon thinking more about it, a more tactful thing to say might be, "I think you should put a more representative pic of you up. The one you have now is kind of misleading..." and leave it at that.... this has been an interesting thread, KMT. i have one more question for you - what have you done in the past when you encountered this situation? have you ever been honest about your true reason for losing interest? i wonder if anyone on here has and what has been the result...
reservoirdog1 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Well so far I've ended up doing nothing. Havn't logged onto either the email account or the myspace account and she doesnt have my number... so I've just done nothing. Given the great disparity of responses and the heated debate this issue has generated, right now I'm leaning towards the "do nothing" approach.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I vote for telling her the truth, tactfully. I am sure you're not the only guy this has happened to.
brightskies Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 By hiding her looks she wasn't being fair to you or to other dating prospects. Don't lie and don't ignore her. Just be straightforward and say that her initial picture had misled you. Tell her that she should put up face and body photos that are realistically representative of her so she can meet men who are attracted to her body type. There's someone for everyone, right? We can go on and on about personality, but looks are usually the initial attractor and she really isn't a physical match for you. That's just the way it is, and she shouldn't take it personally. If she didn't show you how she really looks in the first place, she probably knows that she's being less than honest. If she doesn't realize it, it's time that she was told. She's lucky, as you're thoughtful enough to be tactful. Next time, she might run into someone who isn't so kind.
Alma Mobley Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I disagree. This was a CL/Myspace thing, and they never even met. KMT doesn't owe the woman ANYTHING. It would be best for all concerned, including him, to just let this go and not contact her again. Why does he have to put himself into the position of telling her she's fat and she shouldn't put up the pics she has on myspace. MYSPACE! She is not his responsibility. It's really not his concern -- they haven't talked on the phone or met in person.
Shygirl15 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I disagree. This was a CL/Myspace thing, and they never even met. KMT doesn't owe the woman ANYTHING. It would be best for all concerned, including him, to just let this go and not contact her again. Why does he have to put himself into the position of telling her she's fat and she shouldn't put up the pics she has on myspace. MYSPACE! She is not his responsibility. It's really not his concern -- they haven't talked on the phone or met in person. I second that.
serialgf Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 By hiding her looks she wasn't being fair to you or to other dating prospects. Don't lie and don't ignore her. Just be straightforward and say that her initial picture had misled you. Tell her that she should put up face and body photos that are realistically representative of her so she can meet men who are attracted to her body type. There's someone for everyone, right? We can go on and on about personality, but looks are usually the initial attractor and she really isn't a physical match for you. That's just the way it is, and she shouldn't take it personally. If she didn't show you how she really looks in the first place, she probably knows that she's being less than honest. If she doesn't realize it, it's time that she was told. She's lucky, as you're thoughtful enough to be tactful. Next time, she might run into someone who isn't so kind. i second this!
brightskies Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 He was asking for suggestions on how to deal with it. That was my suggestion. She's not his responsibility, but if he should ever feel so inclined to help her along, for her future reference, as he seemed somewhat concerned about her feelings, why not let her know? In any case, KMT, you've received a lot of input from both sexes. I'm sure that you'll decide what works best for you. I disagree. This was a CL/Myspace thing, and they never even met. KMT doesn't owe the woman ANYTHING. It would be best for all concerned, including him, to just let this go and not contact her again. Why does he have to put himself into the position of telling her she's fat and she shouldn't put up the pics she has on myspace. MYSPACE! She is not his responsibility. It's really not his concern -- they haven't talked on the phone or met in person.
Throne Of Lies Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Don't nuke this KMT- just blow her off. She was dishonest. Maybe because she has body image issues, maybe because she has been rejected in the past, maybe one of a million reasons, but there are billions of women on the planet, and it makes no sense to get worked up about one liar who isn't incorporated into your life at all. You're being too nice- toughen up a little. Wow, no wonder there are women around the world starving themselves skinny to impress men that think women like Camryn Manheim is fat. A full figured, big boned woman is sexy as hell!! Why would anyone want to bang a skinny chick that has the build of a spice rack? I can't wait until full figured models receive more exposure, cause the whole skinny, anorexic look is gross, and played out. This is complete trash. First off, Camryn Manheim isn't fat, she is obese. Unhealthy. Unattractive to most men. Do you wonder why she has so many more female supporters in the fan base then men? Think hard. Secondly- people that bash the skinny look always jump on the 'OMGBBQ ARE GIRLZ ARE STARVING THEMSELVES!!!11!!ELEVENTY1111!!!". Ummm, Ok. First off more American women watching their weight and feeling a social pressure not to end up obese is a GOOD THING. They will live longer, have healthier children, and more active lives. What a terrible fate. Secondly, it leaves out the inconvenient fact that exercise is a pretty crucial part of loosing weight and maintaining a healthy one. How horrible, there is societal pressure for women to maintain a healthy and attractive weight. Give me a break. Finally, there is only one thing about fat women which repulses me more than their bodies, and that is the way that they push their self-deceptive description of what is beautiful on other people. They try to tell me that skinny is unhealthy and gross and deride my taste in women because they are too lazy or otherwise unable to be skinny themselves. It's really childish and juvenile. My girlfriend and I are both very petite. I'm five foot ten and one hundred thirty eight pounds, and she is five foot one and ninety four pounds. I think people can be attractive in lots of different ways but as far as what baseline humans are supposed to look like- we're it. Humans are top-level predators and scavengers. Look at other animals that fit that description. Do you see a lot of fat deposits on them? No. The fossil record backs this up, specifically that obesity is not a normal state of the human body. It isn't attractive because it isn't healthy. I just find it hilarious that these 'BBW' say MY girlfriend is unhealthy or I am because we are skinny. Let's strap on a pair of running shoes and see who is unhealthy. Or when they say it is unattractive. Right, let's put you both in tight dresses and drop you in a dive bar and see who attracts more attention. In short, don't make your issue other people's issue. Maybe it isn't everyone else in the world who is wrong, it is you.
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