So Many Unanswered Questions

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

Feeling very depressed & keep finding myself in tears as my MM appears to have abandoned me AGAIN.

 

Since he moved out of the house we shared 2 months ago I've only heard from him a couple of times (see my previous threads for background info). The last time I saw him was after 5 weeks of NC (we never officially went NC, he promised he would call then left me hanging for 5 weeks)

After that brief visit which will be 4 weeks ago this coming Friday (Im obsessed with counting days in this situation aren't I?!) he promised he would call the following Monday, and guess what Im STILL waiting for him to call.

 

 

 

I just can't cope with the way he's being. Its like I dont exist. Am I even his OW if I see him so infrequently & dont know where I stand? There are so many unanswered questions that I want answers to from him, if I had the chance I would love to ask:

• How could you have the audacity to abandon me AGAIN after you saw what it did to me before?
  
• Why do you make these promises you will call me if you have no intention of calling when you say you will?
  
• Do you care about or even recognize the pain I'm in because of you?
  
• Why did you not tell me you were planning to buy an investment apartment with your wife? (found this out through the grapevine, he has no idea I know)
  
• So why did you groom me when I was vulnerable to selfishly satisfy your sexual needs not thinking about the aftermath?
  
• I gave you many chances to end this if you couldn't see a future with me so I could have closure & move on with my life but you wouldnt - why?
  
• What do I even mean to you? Does seeing me once in a blue moon even constitute as having an affair? Its like nothing is going on.
  

Until he contacts me again they will remain unanswered. But I dont know when the next call is coming from, it could be tomorrow, next week, next month or maybe never. Why is he treating me this way? It feels like he is punishing me & wants to show me whos boss or something. WHY HASN'T HE CALLED?!

 

I wont contact him as Im worried about catching him at an awkward time (with his W or someting) also extreme fear of rejection. But if/when he does contact me again I want to tell him its completely over & that I dont want to see him anymore due to his dispicable behavior. I guess Im secretly hoping he will try to win me back & be nice again.

 

Despite how he is being I still love him & wish we were together. I am of course in love with him the way he was, not the "new" him. He helped me through a very difficult year (I suffered severe visual impairment in one eye due to a rare sight threatening eye disese, 2 of my beloved dogs died, had family/friend problems) and I miss the support even if it was insincere. In my previous posts Lakeside & Pelican made me realize he was grooming me to fulfil his sexual needs.

 

However at the time I felt an intense magical connection with him that I thought was mutual by the way he showed me affection & was there for me.

I keep thinking about the times we kissed etc & feel extremely turned on yet saddened as its very frustrating to not be able to express my love to him anymore. The thought of him having sex with his wife is just too much to bear.

 

So I wonder how long NC is going to go on for this time? I wonder how things will turn out?! Sorry if this post seems a little jumbled but I managed to erase the whole lot & had to rewrite it!

[Owl]

NC should go on for as long as YOU decide it should be...NOT him.

 

Why should you cave in and meekly go back and cuddle around his feet when he finally deigns to remember to call you?!?!?!?!

 

MOVE ON.

 

He's shown you where his heart is in his actions. Its not with you.

 

Kick him to the curb, stop accepting the bare little crumbs of attention he tosses your way occasionally, "girl up", and do what YOU need to do for you!

[whichwayisup]

How could you have the audacity to abandon me AGAIN after you saw what it did to me before?

 

Because he can separate his feelings and turn it off. Also, he's selfish and good at doing what HE wants, not consider your feelings nor his wife's feelings as well.

 

Why do you make these promises you will call me if you have no intention of calling when you say you will?

 

Again, he can push thoughts/feelings out of his head and just go on like it's no big deal. Only his feelings count.

 

Do you care about or even recognize the pain I'm in because of you?

 

He may care, but not enough to face you and talk to you, to listen to you. He'd rather run and hide, forget or just focus on other things.

 

Why did you not tell me you were planning to buy an investment apartment with your wife? (found this out through the grapevine, he has no idea I know)

 

Because he's having his cake and eating it too. He'll bounce back and forth for as long as you and his wife allow him to. He is good at lying and deceiving to you and to his wife.

 

So why did you groom me when I was vulnerable to selfishly satisfy your sexual needs not thinking about the aftermath?

 

He is selfish. He also didn't think ahead at all. In the heat of the moment..

 

I gave you many chances to end this if you couldn't see a future with me so I could have closure & move on with my life but you wouldnt - why?

 

Why should he? He knows you love him, will wait for him, take him back. He has TWO women meeting all his needs, why give one up?

 

What do I even mean to you? Does seeing me once in a blue moon even constitute as having an affair? Its like nothing is going on.

 

He is living a double life in his head, and he can go back and forth, separate it and stay detached. I'm sure you mean something to him, but not enough for him to make any long lasting changes. He cares about himself most.

 

This man will NOT give you closure. Any answers he may give you will only make you want to ask more questions. Somehow, you need to make closure happen for yourself. Accept WHO he is and WHAT he is - Ask yourself HOW LONG are you going to put up with him and his crap on a stick. Go from there. If you haven't hit rock bottom, and not reached your ENOUGH is ENOUGH phase, well, this WILL go on and continue for a long time. It's up to you to take control back and live your life, for YOU, not for him. He is doing what he wants, when he wants while you sit and wait...And wait..And wait.

[wildsoul]

It's heartbreaking to read how little you are willing to settle for. Would it help if you can just get your head around the idea "that was then, this is now"? It doesn't matter why he abandons you in these different ways, the actions alone warrant your letting go.

 

I know it's hard to accept that he is not treating you the way he used to, but you're trying to get sugar from an empty cup.

[dreamy1945]

month now for NC. They want you as their backup plan to come back to if all else fails. What do suggest if they call? Don't answer or talk and say not to call again.?

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

What do suggest if they call? Don't answer or talk and say not to call again.?

 

Ummm well it depends, if its not convenient & they call I dont think we should answer! Why should we just drop everything after they have left us waiting?

 

Doesn't it just make you sick how they lie & say they will call?

 

I still have deep feelings for this MM though & not sure I will be able to resist answering in the end if he does finally call.

[jj33]

Think of WS's tagline "Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option." Nothing says Im holding you on the backburner like not calling for a few weeks unless he is dead, in which case he wont be calling or he is in a coma, which is unlikely.

 

Short of those two scenarios, if he calls and you want to vent your hurt and anger go ahead but if you agree to see him or even consider starting up with him again you are complicit in your own heartbreak. The man has showed his true colors - as painful as the truth is to face, what more do you really need to know?

 

They have all the answers, I was thinking things through and now I realize how much I miss you... I try but I cant stay away... etc etc... but it all comes down to the same thing - an option. That is not how you treat someone who is a priority.

 

We make so many excuses for these men. But you have the power to stop that. Hold on tight and know that you are worth more.

 

 

Seems to me that if a MM is not treating you right walking away is the only answer (or in your case telling him to go away when he calls).

 

Someone who is married has severe limitations on their ability to be involved in a relationship with an OP in the best of circumstances (unless and until they leave and are single) so if they arent willingly and enthusiastically throwing themselves into the relationship to the extent possible, then what is the point?

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

Think of WS's tagline "Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option."

 

Yes that tagline is just soooo true! Its exactly what most of these situations on here are about - the OW/OM seems to make the MM/MW a priority but to them they are just an option.

[dreamy1945]

answer the phone too...just wish I had more willpower. He knows all he has to do is call or find me. I think that's why the last call occurred the way it did. He doesn't want to tell me its over in case he needs to come back if his marriage fails. No, its hard to fathom how they can lie. He never lied to be before only since he went back home to his W. But its been 1 month of NC and I won't call him. But don't you wonder what they are thinking the reason we don't call? Surely it has to make them wonder what is going on with us, right?

[jj33]

Sure but that is just a game and its ego- and at this point do you really want to play a game with your heart as the football being tossed back and forth?

 

Sure they wonder and I am sure they miss you. And if knowing that they miss you makes you feel stronger and better about keeping NC thats is good.

 

But on any other level that and a dime wont get you a phone call. Focus on you and how you can move forward. Its hard I know but life is short and every day we waste worrying about people who arent really in our lives is a waste.

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

answer the phone too...just wish I had more willpower. He knows all he has to do is call or find me. I think that's why the last call occurred the way it did. He doesn't want to tell me its over in case he needs to come back if his marriage fails. No, its hard to fathom how they can lie. He never lied to be before only since he went back home to his W. But its been 1 month of NC and I won't call him. But don't you wonder what they are thinking the reason we don't call? Surely it has to make them wonder what is going on with us, right?

 

Well you are probably even more confused than I am as your situation sounds like it got alot more serious - you both actually left your spouses for each other then he went back to wife "to sort finances out".

 

Yeah I agree MM probably wont actually tell you its over so they can keep their options open & thats probably what my one is doing.

 

I dont think in our cases they would expect us to call. They know we cant really in case we call at a bad time, and they did say "I promise I will call you." But I wonder if they think we may give in & call them demanding to know why they haven't been in touch? Not sure about you but theres NO WAY I will be calling MM.

[torranceshipman]

You need to take control back!

 

OK, you say you dont want to ask him all this out of extreme fear of rejection...but he has already rejected you multiple times. So take the control back, email or call him and say what you want to say. That'll make you feel better. Then say his response is welcomed but if that if you don't hear back from him in the next few days, you'll take it that your A is over and you are happy to move on, as you are obviously single and you are now wanting to go back to accepting the dinner dates that cute single guys are asking you on (-;

 

Keep it clear, succinct, to the point, not overly emotional....this will make YOU feel better, like you are more in control, your self esteem will benefit-and you will see via whether you get an adequate response, whether he cares at all. Then move on if you need to.

 

Right now, your R is over as he virtually never calls you, shows no interest really, acts like he isnt in to you, has proven that he is selfish and a liar, that he has no respect for your feelings...so dont let him get away with that rejection and disrespect by just meekly staying quiet and sitting by the phone. Make him accountable. And I mean this next comment in a 'tough love', not a 'bashing' way...but you sound like his pet dog, the way you accept such atrocious behavior and wait for 'punishment' or 'reward'. Get out of that situation! You're better than that. We all fall for a bad guy/girl at one point in our lives, but the trick is to walk away pronto when you realise they are a jerk-not hang around for validation (that will never come anyway!)!

 

Good luck!

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

You need to take control back!

 

OK, you say you dont want to ask him all this out of extreme fear of rejection...but he has already rejected you multiple times. So take the control back, email or call him and say what you want to say. That'll make you feel better. Then say his response is welcomed but if that if you don't hear back from him in the next few days, you'll take it that your A is over and you are happy to move on

 

Yes Im aware hes already rejected me alot anyway but I cant bear the thought of him rejecting me once again as it turns me psycho & I just know I will get into deep depression.

 

He works funny hours as well so I would be too scared to call/text in case hes with the W, also I think she does check his email as well so it seems a bit out of the question really. I will just have to be patient & wait for him to contact me then I can arrange to meet him face to face & tell him a few home truths. I would rather do it this way then I can say everything I need to his face, hear his side, get some closure & then move on.

 

you are obviously single and you are now wanting to go back to accepting the dinner dates that cute single guys are asking you on (-;

 

Ive been trying to move on but without sucess. I do go out with friends (although perhaps not as regularly as I should) but I attract all the wrong men, and I feel so strongly about MM that going on a date/kissing a guy Im not really into isnt very appealing right now. Dont have much luck with men which is one reason why this A may have happened. I even joined an online dating site recently but ended up deleting my profile as it just didnt feel right.

 

 

Right now, your R is over as he virtually never calls you, shows no interest really, acts like he isnt in to you, has proven that he is selfish and a liar, that he has no respect for your feelings...so dont let him get away with that rejection and disrespect by just meekly staying quiet and sitting by the phone. Make him accountable. And I mean this next comment in a 'tough love', not a 'bashing' way...but you sound like his pet dog, the way you accept such atrocious behavior and wait for 'punishment' or 'reward'. Get out of that situation! You're better than that. We all fall for a bad guy/girl at one point in our lives, but the trick is to walk away pronto when you realise they are a jerk-not hang around for validation (that will never come anyway!)!

 

I know you are right, I realize he is all of those awful things but its so hard trying to make myself fall out of love with him. Wish I could flick my feelings on & off like a switch!

Thank you for all this advice, I just wish I did have the courage to be the one to contact him but I dont think I can, Im way too scared for the reasons I stated above. But I will give him a piece of my mind when he finally does call make no mistake about that!

Good luck!

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

You need to take control back!

 

OK, you say you dont want to ask him all this out of extreme fear of rejection...but he has already rejected you multiple times. So take the control back, email or call him and say what you want to say. That'll make you feel better. Then say his response is welcomed but if that if you don't hear back from him in the next few days, you'll take it that your A is over and you are happy to move on, as you are obviously single and you are now wanting to go back to accepting the dinner dates that cute single guys are asking you on (-;

 

Keep it clear, succinct, to the point, not overly emotional....this will make YOU feel better, like you are more in control, your self esteem will benefit-and you will see via whether you get an adequate response, whether he cares at all. Then move on if you need to.

 

Right now, your R is over as he virtually never calls you, shows no interest really, acts like he isnt in to you, has proven that he is selfish and a liar, that he has no respect for your feelings...so dont let him get away with that rejection and disrespect by just meekly staying quiet and sitting by the phone. Make him accountable. And I mean this next comment in a 'tough love', not a 'bashing' way...but you sound like his pet dog, the way you accept such atrocious behavior and wait for 'punishment' or 'reward'. Get out of that situation! You're better than that. We all fall for a bad guy/girl at one point in our lives, but the trick is to walk away pronto when you realise they are a jerk-not hang around for validation (that will never come anyway!)!

 

Good luck!

 

OK, you say you dont want to ask him all this out of extreme fear of rejection...but he has already rejected you multiple times. So take the control back, email or call him and say what you want to say. That'll make you feel better. Then say his response is welcomed but if that if you don't hear back from him in the next few days, you'll take it that your A is over and you are happy to move on

Yes Im aware hes already rejected me alot anyway but I cant bear the thought of him rejecting me once again as it turns me psycho & I just know I will get into deep depression.

 

He works funny hours as well so I would be too scared to call/text in case hes with the W, also I think she does check his email as well so it seems a bit out of the question really. I will just have to be patient & wait for him to contact me then I can arrange to meet him face to face & tell him a few home truths. I would rather do it this way then I can say everything I need to his face, hear his side, get some closure & then move on.

 

you are obviously single and you are now wanting to go back to accepting the dinner dates that cute single guys are asking you on (-;

Ive been trying to move on but without sucess. I do go out with friends (although perhaps not as regularly as I should) but I attract all the wrong men, and I feel so strongly about MM that going on a date/kissing a guy Im not really into isnt very appealing right now. Dont have much luck with men which is one reason why this A may have happened. I even joined an online dating site recently but ended up deleting my profile as it just didnt feel right.

 

 

Right now, your R is over as he virtually never calls you, shows no interest really, acts like he isnt in to you, has proven that he is selfish and a liar, that he has no respect for your feelings...so dont let him get away with that rejection and disrespect by just meekly staying quiet and sitting by the phone. Make him accountable. And I mean this next comment in a 'tough love', not a 'bashing' way...but you sound like his pet dog, the way you accept such atrocious behavior and wait for 'punishment' or 'reward'. Get out of that situation! You're better than that. We all fall for a bad guy/girl at one point in our lives, but the trick is to walk away pronto when you realise they are a jerk-not hang around for validation (that will never come anyway!)!

 

I know you are right, I realize he is all of those awful things but its so hard trying to make myself fall out of love with him. Wish I could flick my feelings on & off like a switch!

Thank you for all this advice, I just wish I did have the courage to be the one to contact him but I dont think I can, Im way too scared for the reasons I stated above. But I will give him a piece of my mind when he finally does call make no mistake about that!

Good luck!

[astra77]

Kick him to the curb, stop accepting the bare little crumbs of attention he tosses your way occasionally, "girl up", and do what YOU need to do for you!

 

Owl i LOVE this - all us OW MUST do this - we must all girl up and stop these poor excuses for men f**cking with us, both physically and mentally.

 

These men do groom us for their own sexual pleasures, we are groomed to be wild sexy love godess for all of five minutes during the "love making" act, and we are groomed to be quite and hide in a box when we are "not required" we have to sit in our boxes like good little girls and not come out and be seen or heard until THEY are ready. F**ck that - i dont want no part of it, im no jack in the box hooker bitch that pos up when HE wants me to. I am woman hear me roar, if you dont like it, f**k off.

 

oooh, did i just say that - dont know where THAT came from

[OpenBook]

we are groomed to be wild sexy love godess for all of five minutes during the "love making" act

 

I think we should all learn how to be wild sexy love goddesses REGARDLESS of anyone else and what they try to do to us. It is ours to own.

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

Owl i LOVE this - all us OW MUST do this - we must all girl up and stop these poor excuses for men f**cking with us, both physically and mentally.

 

These men do groom us for their own sexual pleasures, we are groomed to be wild sexy love godess for all of five minutes during the "love making" act, and we are groomed to be quite and hide in a box when we are "not required" we have to sit in our boxes like good little girls and not come out and be seen or heard until THEY are ready. F**ck that - i dont want no part of it, im no jack in the box hooker bitch that pos up when HE wants me to. I am woman hear me roar, if you dont like it, f**k off.

 

oooh, did i just say that - dont know where THAT came from

 

WELL SAID!

that post was so funny...but so true!

[wildsoul]

F**ck that - i dont want no part of it, im no jack in the box hooker bitch that pos up when HE wants me to. I am woman hear me roar, if you dont like it, f**k off.

 

*doubles over laughing*

Astra77, you owe me a new computer screen.

 

OpenBook, you are right, absolutely.

[mscomplex]

I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. Just to add another perspective: I have a married co-worker/friend who is on the other end of this type of situation. She is married and has the same questions. Her spouse disappears for weeks to be with the OW and after a few weeks returns to her. She asks the same questions that you have asked of your MM. You love him and he knows that you are going to let him come back and forth. I was once in a situation where the MM disappeared for a shorter period of time. Well he did not exactly disappear, he just stopped being as attentive. I even heard he had started seeing someone else. I then said to my self: my married boyfriend is cheating on me! I can smile about this now. Anyway, when he decided to come back (as much as I wanted to be with him...cuz I knew the passion from long for him would be high) I let him know I met someone else while he was away. I was so angry with him I stood my ground and would not let him back in. I felt so strong when he kept trying to talk me back into his life. Until this day he still has affairs and tries to convince me to come back into his life. He says he made a big mistake but I know I made the right choice. It has been over 10 yrs. Try not to focus so much on the positive. Think about the crap he deals out to you and get angry about it. That is the only way you will move on. Start looking for someone who will put you first! There is someone out there who will make you feel just as good, if not even better than he made you feel. You will look back and say, why did I even bother. I know it feels good to to love him when he is loving you, but reach for something more. It will come to you.

[norajane]

There are so many unanswered questions that I want answers to from him, if I had the chance I would love to ask:

• I gave you many chances to end this if you couldn't see a future with me so I could have closure & move on with my life but you wouldnt - why?
  

 

He doesn't need you to give him a 'chance' to end the affair. He can end it at any time. And if you re-read your opening post, it certainly sounds like that's what he's trying to do, without a break-up confrontation:

 

he moved out of the house we shared 2 months ago

 

I've only heard from him a couple of times

 

he promised he would call then left me hanging for 5 weeks)

 

After that brief visit which will be 4 weeks ago this coming Friday (Im obsessed with counting days in this situation aren't I?!) he promised he would call the following Monday, and guess what Im STILL waiting for him to call.

Now, it's up to you how long you will wait for him to call before you accept that he is either hedging his bets so he can get a little sex from you later, or he's already dumping you, gradually. Or, you can just decide that YOU want to end this, now, without any further need for input from him whatsoever.

 

I would suggest you do end it. I mean, would you ever put up with this kind of behavior from a single guy who was really your bf? Then why accept it from a married guy? This is unacceptable behavior no matter who the guy is.

[GPFan]

 

• How could you have the audacity to abandon me AGAIN after you saw what it did to me before?
  
• Why do you make these promises you will call me if you have no intention of calling when you say you will?
  
• Do you care about or even recognize the pain I'm in because of you?
  
• Why did you not tell me you were planning to buy an investment apartment with your wife? (found this out through the grapevine, he has no idea I know)
  
• So why did you groom me when I was vulnerable to selfishly satisfy your sexual needs not thinking about the aftermath?
  
• I gave you many chances to end this if you couldn't see a future with me so I could have closure & move on with my life but you wouldnt - why?
  
• What do I even mean to you? Does seeing me once in a blue moon even constitute as having an affair? Its like nothing is going on.
  

He has answered your questions through his actions! I will attempt to answer your questions as if I were him and had taken a truth serum:

• I am more concerned about my well-being than yours.
  
• Short-term solution. It is easier to say whatever will calm you in the moment than share my true intention.
  
• I recognise your pain but have no intention of acknowledging it.
  
• If I had told you about the investment property, you would have been very upset. I didn't want to upset you.
  
• I didn't groom you! You wanted me! I was satisfying your desires.
  
• I wasn't sure about a future but the arrangement as it was suited me.
  
• What do you mean to me? You are a woman who wanted me as much or more than I wanted you! I made you happy, probably happier than you have been in your life.
  

Whew! That was an interesting exercise...

 

He probably sees himself as having been a good guy all along.

 

 

 

 

Despite how he is being I still love him & wish we were together. I am of course in love with him the way he was, not the "new" him. He helped me through a very difficult year (I suffered severe visual impairment in one eye due to a rare sight threatening eye disese, 2 of my beloved dogs died, had family/friend problems) and I miss the support even if it was insincere. In my previous posts Lakeside & Pelican made me realize he was grooming me to fulfil his sexual needs.

There is nothing "new" about him. You know more about him now than you did before. He never shared his true feelings about the relationship with you.

 

I hope you find the support you need soon.

[wildsoul]

I will attempt to answer your questions as if I were him and had taken a truth serum...

• <snip>
  
• Short-term solution. It is easier to say whatever will calm you in the moment than share my true intention.
  
• <snip>
  
• I didn't groom you! You wanted me! I was satisfying your desires.
  

[i need to figure out how that multi quote feature works.]

GPFan: That was great! I always liked it when Wonder Woman used truth serum on the bad guys.

 

I totally agree about your explanations about "not wanting to upset" or "calm you in the moment." THAT is guy-speak 101. They hate having an upset woman and will often take the chance of getting away with white lies (or big lies) in the moment, even if it means she is hell fury later. They must get away with it enough that it's working. (One of my pet peeves though.)

 

And YES about how they think they are doing the woman a sexual favor, not the other way around. For one thing, if the sex was good and she enjoyed it, then most guys count that as an even score right there. But also, LOOK at what message us OW send: we want you soooo badly that we'll even accept being in an affair to have you. And there is some truth to this. As crappy treatment some guys dish out with lies and so forth, OW's are volunteers.

 

Again, great post. I like how seeing how men interpret things a little differently here on the forum.

[crystal_lostheart]

Hey HB,

 

Sorry to hear you are feeling down..... I would be an absolute mess if this happened, however I would pack my bags or his bags I should say and kick his ass out....seriously. Most MM tie you in with their sweet little lies, trying to make you believe that they are committed to you.... this is what makes it so hard to leave and this is where I admittedly struggle with my MM. If my MM seperated, lived with me and then moved back with his W...it would be done...finished....you have sacrificed so much and put so much on the line, you don't deserve to be hurt like that for someone who cannot make up his mind....I know it is so hard and I myself find it hard everyday but why let him make it harder for you - that's how I'm starting to think now as well....

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

Hey HB,

 

Sorry to hear you are feeling down..... I would be an absolute mess if this happened, however I would pack my bags or his bags I should say and kick his ass out....seriously. Most MM tie you in with their sweet little lies, trying to make you believe that they are committed to you.... this is what makes it so hard to leave and this is where I admittedly struggle with my MM. If my MM seperated, lived with me and then moved back with his W...it would be done...finished....you have sacrificed so much and put so much on the line, you don't deserve to be hurt like that for someone who cannot make up his mind....I know it is so hard and I myself find it hard everyday but why let him make it harder for you - that's how I'm starting to think now as well....

 

 

If my MM seperated, lived with me and then moved back with his W...it would be done...finished....

 

He didnt actually live with me because he left his wife (I wish), he ended up living in this house with me & 3 others for a year recently as he was working away from home & needed a place to stay during weekdays then went home to the W&K at weekends. So thats how we grew close.

 

Then he decided to move the fam to this area which meant moving out of here & moving in with them which happened just over 2 months ago. Sorry for the confusion! For the full story check out my other threads, particularly the 1st one.

[HIS OTHER ONE]

Heartbroken...

 

Been there! My advice to you is try to let go now...please don't look back. I have lived everything you are now going through, and this year I make 5 years as the OW. IT NEVER HAPPENS!!!! He too left his W and moved out, we spend lots of time together, I was finally out in the open. Everyone knew of our relationship, his children, mine, our families. I was happier than ever then that xmas he gave me a ring after 1 year living alone in his house (he told me his divorce went through) this was it; I could finally see our future together. And then.... 1 week later he told me he could not do it, that he was going back to his W (he never divorced her, I was so happy I did not even asked for proof). Talking about heartbroken....But yes, I did go back and I am at square one. He says that it was a mistake going back, that he loves me more than ever, treats me like royalty on the DL, that he will leave by Dec, bla, bla, bla and I’m so in love that I believe him, hope and wait. Mi mind knows better but my heart won’t let go.

 

So you see, you are just starting please use my experience as a tool of strengh not to look back, it might hurt a lot now, but trust me it will hurt much more after 5 years!