breakingdawn Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I was just wondering if there was anyone here who had separated/divorced and began a relationship with the other man/ other woman? How did this go?
Owl Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 You'd probably be better off posting on the OW/OM forum. This forum tends to be mostly either BS's (betrayed spouses) or WS (wayward spouses) that are seeking to reconcile/rebuild their marriage after the affair. Most posters who end the marriage don't stick around here long. You might also post in the seperated/divorced forum...but again, mostly people who didn't want to be there for the most part. Not ones who voluntarily ended the marriage. I'm curious...what's your reason for asking? Are you currently considering taking this step?
Mr. Lucky Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I was just wondering if there was anyone here who had separated/divorced and began a relationship with the other man/ other woman? How did this go? Why would you want to do this and what would you be looking to accomplish? Mr. Lucky
Author breakingdawn Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Well... I am currently taking this step. I'm not sure if it is the right one to take or not. I feel like my marriage is too far gone to repair. I have feelings for the OM but at times I feel down and depressed about what has happened to my marriage. I am the one who cheated and the one who caused all of this but I have doubts about it all still.
PG Love Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Check out another thread of mine. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t153850/ Just updating to say that we are still together an currently making a long distance relationship work for now until he can find a job in my are. We are very much happy and still in love and plan to be for a long time! Good Luck!
whichwayisup Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Forget the OM - Decide to either fix your marriage or end it. Reguardless if the OM is waiting or not. If you choose your marriage and your husband, say goodbye to the OM and go no contact so you can fix the marriage. If you choose to go be with the OM, divorce and give yourself time alone before jumping into another relationship with someone else. Sounds like you could use some counselling to help you figure this out too. Do you have children?
Author breakingdawn Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Sounds like you could use some counselling to help you figure this out too. Do you have children? I've thought about going to counselling to figure things out. I really need to because all of my relationships end with me going straight into another one. Although this is the first time I've actually cheated I think I could be a serial cheater because with previous relationships I always have to have someone else lined up before I end things... honestly... I know it's horrible and I don't know why I do this. I do not have any children. We've been married for three years today... OMG just realized this. How ironic... we are sitting down tonight to figure out finances and belongings....
Author breakingdawn Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Yes he knows. I've been honest about everything.
troubadour Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I answered your question on the other forum but it was before I read this thread. I would say you will be done with OM within six months... just too many issues to deal with.
Owl Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I'd agree. From what you've described, you won't be any happier long term in this relationship than you were in your last one. The issues that have been with YOU the entire time. And they'll move on with you into your next relationship too. Your best bet is to resolve what's causing you to do the things you're doing first. See if the relationship between you and your H is recoverable or not. THEN decide what happens relationship wise. Make sense?
SoulStorm Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Like I said in your last thread..the chance of it surviving is zero % Look at your history. You were having emotional affairs before you even exited your former relationships...how many have survived? This one is ending too and so will the next one. You are broken inside and need some counselling. Or do you just want to go through your life being a serial cheater and tormenting men who care about you? The problem is YOU..not the men. Keep on this path and you will end up depressed and alone. And yes having an emotional affair (sharing feelings with another man other than your boyfriend or spouse) is cheating. Right now you are a dangerous person for any man to get involved with.
Cliche Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 If you're not 100% sure you want to be with the OM, then it's wrong. There are some relationships that begin as an affair that work and work well. I know of a few and I, myself, was an OW turned partner. However, in all of the success stories is one common bond...the married person always knew they wanted to be with the OM/OW. The length of time it took to end the marriage varied, but the intent was always the same. You know, you don't have to choose between your H or your OM. Your options are broader than that. You can separate or divorce, end your affair, and take some time to be by yourself. It may do you some good and help you discover what you really want.
troubadour Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 If you're not 100% sure you want to be with the OM, then it's wrong. There are some relationships that begin as an affair that work and work well. I know of a few and I, myself, was an OW turned partner. However, in all of the success stories is one common bond...the married person always knew they wanted to be with the OM/OW. The length of time it took to end the marriage varied, but the intent was always the same. You know, you don't have to choose between your H or your OM. Your options are broader than that. You can separate or divorce, end your affair, and take some time to be by yourself. It may do you some good and help you discover what you really want. Cliche... you are talking about 6% of success stories... in real life they usually do not last too long.
SoulStorm Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Cliche' is biased because she was an OW. The truth is relationships that start as an affair rarely and I mean rarely last. The two people are always going to have trust issues because the relationship was built on deception. Cliche said it herself, she only knows of a FEW. Even though most marriges end in divorce, I bet they lasted longer than a relationship borne of an affair. Most relationships borne from affairs lasts from 6 months up to 2 years. With a small percentage going past 2 years. The actual affair (the cheating on the spouse while still with the spouse) last longer than the relationship when they finally get together You have problems with committment breakingdawn, You can't always expect to have those euphoric lovey dovey feelings all the time. I bet you feel like you have to have that rush of emotions for your partner all the time. Haven't you noticed that feeling only lasts for about 3 months to a year and then you get in a routine? Your relationship with the OM is bound to fail. Especially if he is married.
Cliche Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Cliche' is biased because she was an OW. The truth is relationships that start as an affair rarely and I mean rarely last. The two people are always going to have trust issues because the relationship was built on deception. Cliche said it herself, she only knows of a FEW. Even though most marriges end in divorce, I bet they lasted longer than a relationship borne of an affair. Most relationships borne from affairs lasts from 6 months up to 2 years. With a small percentage going past 2 years. The actual affair (the cheating on the spouse while still with the spouse) last longer than the relationship when they finally get together You have problems with committment breakingdawn, You can't always expect to have those euphoric lovey dovey feelings all the time. I bet you feel like you have to have that rush of emotions for your partner all the time. Haven't you noticed that feeling only lasts for about 3 months to a year and then you get in a routine? Your relationship with the OM is bound to fail. Especially if he is married. Nothing is "bound to fail," though, in this case, I think BD doesn't really want the OM so that probably would fail. Also, I know sometimes there is a belief that relationships and marriages borne of an affair are doomed from the start because of their start, but that is not always true. I know a very happily married couple. They were both married to others when they met. The woman was separated, but the man didn't intend to leave his M at that point until he met the "OW." The couple with the torrid affair "doomed to fail" just celebrated their 39th wedding anniversary. My sister's second marriage started out as an "affair" with an MM. They've been happily married for 15 years with no end in sight. I truly beleive that most men/women who are married and have affairs do not want to end their marriage. When that is the case, nothing the OP can do will get that person to end the marriage. But when a married individual wants to leave and wants to make a life with the OP, I'm pretty sure the success rate is the same as for all second marriages. (And that 6% statistic thrown around indicates the former, not the latter). Anyway, like I said, I think BD needs time for herself. It doesn't sound like she knows what she wants and that is not good for anyone.
SoulStorm Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Cliche says, Nothing is "bound to fail Optimistic, but not realistic. You speak from what you have seen Cliche' and I speak from what I have seen. I have seen lots of relationships borne of affairs fail. I was in the military for a while and that is a breeding ground for affairs. I see the OW/OM thinking they have found their soulmate and it turns out to be one big fiasco. You have your proof and I have mine..so I will agree to disagree with you.
april1325 Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 As you can see from your past experiences the grass is not greener on the other side. I believe you just need to take some time for you. concentrate on you and what makes you happy. You dont need someone else to fulfill your life. you have more guts then most people i know. Atleast you were honest about your affair.
Cliche Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Cliche says, Nothing is "bound to fail Optimistic, but not realistic. You speak from what you have seen Cliche' and I speak from what I have seen. I have seen lots of relationships borne of affairs fail. I was in the military for a while and that is a breeding ground for affairs. I see the OW/OM thinking they have found their soulmate and it turns out to be one big fiasco. You have your proof and I have mine..so I will agree to disagree with you. Are you suggesting that all relationships that begin as affairs are bound to fail? If not, then I don't think we disagree. The majority fail, but not all. That's realistic. Only fool believes in absolutes....never say never.
SoulStorm Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 Are you suggesting that all relationships that begin as affairs are bound to fail? If not, then I don't think we disagree. The majority fail, but not all. That's realistic. Only fool believes in absolutes....never say never. I have never seen one survive, although I am not foolish enough to believe that some won't succeed. I speak majoritively..not in absolutes.
Cliche Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I have never seen one survive, John and Cindy McCain?
pelicanpreacher Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 John and Cindy McCain? One more reason I'll never vote for McCain!
SoulStorm Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 John and Cindy McCain? I was talking about the ones in the military
bish Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Does he know you cheated? Why do you ask? Are you gonna tell her how great your affair was for your marriage and you suggest she tell him for the same reason? To get him to act the way she wants?
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