neo20fl Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Hello everone, This is my first time in this forum and I am here because I would like some outside opinions on the matter and I appreciate whoever takes the time to respond to me, Thank you. I have been dating this girl for almost a year however we are in a long distance relationship. She is in her last year of university in Ecuador and I work in Florida (We met when I lived in Ecuador). My family lives here in Miami and I work here, she is finishing her last year of university. Her family lives in Europe. She was going to come look for work in Florida after graduating and pursue her masters here however she has now decided she wants to go to Australia to get her masters there because her university has a special plan that would allow her to do her masters in one year. She is asking me to move with her there but I feel she is either not too serious about our relationship or being a little unfair asking me to move away from my family, job, friends and I also own a house here just to save one year on her masters. Could I please have your opinion on the matter? Thank you,
Ronni_W Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 but I feel she is either not too serious about our relationship or being a little unfair asking me to move away from my family, job, friends and I also own a house here just to save one year on her masters. As you have phrased things, it is just a request or perhaps suggestion. Neither fair nor unfair, but neutral. You have the choice of saying 'yes' OR 'no'. It's possible that you are perceiving it as "unfair" only because you have focused solely on all YOUR reasons for not wanting to move -- you have the right to do that, but the self-focus is also what's making it feel "unfair". Otherwise, one must also consider if it is "fair" of you to ask her to extend her studies by moving to Florida to finish her masters. There appears a lack of understanding and consideration of her needs and desires, when you say "just" to complete her masters a year earlier. For her, it is probably a WHOLE year earlier...that she can start living her adult life, get on with her career, etc. That is HUGE, for her as a student. I don't get how her request suggests that she's not serious about her relationship with you, though. Perhaps the compromise is for her to complete her studies (in Australia) while you stay in Florida?
4dviceJunki3 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 You have to find out how much you want to be with this person. I mean, how was the chemistry when you first met? How have things been going ever since you guys did the whole long-distance relationship? Do you both trust each other? Do you think it's unfair because you're afraid of losing her if she moves out there? You think she will meet someone else? You have to find out how much this girl wants to be with you as well as how much you want to be with her. You both need to figure out what you want for yourselves before making an informed decision. Understand that both of you have great things going for yourselves so neither one of you should do something to risk a great future both of you could have together. The most important thing in life is to keep your focus on whatever it is you're. True dedication will always result with positive outcomes; it's just a matter of how much you both are willing to push the envelope in order to get through these tough times. I have to tell you, it is a tough decision you have to make, definitely not an easy one. But you have to understand, she has to do what she has to do to keep her head on her shoulders and you need to do the same.
Carmen87 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I don't think she is being unfair. Unfair would be her saying "Move with me to Australia or we are over." If you think what SHE is doing is unfair, then you are also being unfair by expecting her to extend getting her masters by a year. You have the free will to say yes or no to her request. It is up to you and you alone what you want to do.
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