Ex's who come back....

[VAmama]

I guess what is preventing me from moving from denial my relationship may be over (see prior threads), is that in every single one of my long term relationships, my ex's have come back. So I have this expectation that this time will be no different.... just the matter of how long it will take will.

 

Here's my history:

 

#1: First love- high school. Lasted 1 year and four months. Was a very stormy relationship He broke it off eventually. A month later we got back together, only to have it end a couple weeks later. This went on several times over the next year.... we would break-up, then he would come back every couple months, it would last a few weeks, and then he'd end it again. We even dated other people casually between the summer between our junior and senior year. Were working on getting back together for the umpteenth time the begining of our senior year when suddenly a popular cheerleader started liking him, and he, of course, cut and ran with her. Then ended up being together for 10 years, only to divorce after 1 year of marriage.

 

#2: Relationship began the summer before my sophmore year of college. We ended moving into together after 8 months. Stormy too- we really were incompatable. However, it still lasted 2 years and 4 months. I ended up cheating on him at the very end, which I feel terrible about, but it also caused me to wake up, realize how unhappy I was in the relationship, and decide to get out. A month or two after the break-up I had to go back to our place (he was still living in it, where as I had moved out) to get some stuff. He was there. We had a very angry fight.... and then ended up having sex. Strange. I probably could have pursued it if I had wanted to, but I didn't. He ended up moving away a couple months later.

 

#3: Where to begin? Started six months after relationship #2. Was very intense the first 6 months. Then we had an arguement, and broke-up. Of course, after 3 weeks N/C he started calling me. Same as relationship #1- we'd get back together, then he would break it off, only to call back and want to work on things every couple months. Vicious cycle. In between the break-ups, there were a couple of times were we both were seeing other people, only to eventually reunite once more. I ended up getting pregnant, and for three years we tried to make a go of it. He ended up cheating on me, and was unsure if he wanted to try to work out things between us. I left. 8 months after I moved out with our son, he came back to me, asking if he could have a second chance (of course, he still was seeing the girl he cheated on me with). I said no, and now I'm over being bitter about all of it. I consider him a semi-friend, a business partner with me over our son, and I care about his well being. I know he regrets what he did, and would love for all of us to be back together as a family, and I could pursue that option at any time. But I don't want to. I know I deserve better than I had with him.

 

#4: Current. Started dating him about 7 months after moving out of family home with #3 (strangley, as soon as #3 got the feeling I was seeing someone new, that's when he wanted to reconcile. Too late). We've been dating just shy of 2 years. See my threads for why we are broken up.

 

It's hard for me not to hope that #4 is going to come back with time when all the others prior to him did. All the others came back in time when they began to miss the comfort of the relationship, and knowing that my current ex is going through that, it's hard not to hope he's going to be like the others and come back too. Of course, the difference here would have to be that we are actually going to work on our issues, and not just reunited b/c we are lonely or miss the comfort of the relationship. Otherwise it is just doomed to fail like the others.

 

Anyways, just thought I would put this out there. It's been on my mind a lot the past week, so I just thought I would get it off my mind and down on the computer screen for analysis.

[nowhereman82]

Know what's interesting?

 

You have a hard time letting go because all of you EX'S came back...sit and reflect and see why they came back and why it failed the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc time.

 

So why should you want to do the same with the current ex? What makes you feel he is capable of making changes and working on it, if the past guys couldn't?

 

But then again you never know until you try and frankly I can't say I wouldn't give it a second try with my ex. But I would need to know she has self improved some before I would consider it.

[VAmama]

Oh... I know why they came back, and why it always failed.

 

They came back b/c they were lonely, and I let them come back b/c I was lonely and missed the security of the relationship. But we never addressed any of the fundamental issues of why we broke up.... we just jumped back into bed, so to say. So that's why it failed every time.

 

If my current ex were to back... it probably would be in part b/c of loneliness. But I would need for him to commit to working with me on his issues regarding his expectations over my son. If he can't.... it could harm my son, and I would never want my son harmed. But that also may be the very reason why this one is the exception to the others... he won't come back b/c he knows he can't change and he respects me and my son too much to want to harm us in anyway.

 

But yeah... it's hard to let go of this one when I know that every single one before him has come back at some point or another. I have that hope that he'll be the same, just willing to work on the issue....

[foxh1234]

My ex came back as well but too late and too much damage already done. I wish the best for her though and hope she finds happiness. I also will always cherish the happy memories with her. I hope to satrt building new memories with another woman very soon.