serendip Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I recently joined Facebook b/c of peer pressure. My friends kept bitching at me...saying how easy it is to organize events and parties through Facebook. Also my activity partners communicate and post pictures on Facebook. So I decided to join...and as soon as I join I had 6 requests for friends...one or two people I didn't even know. Then some girl I haven't talk to since grade 8 made a friend's request and then she posted pictures(and tags) of me from grade 3 and grade 8. It kind of creeps me out. Facebook also seems like a popularity contests...there's some people with over 500 friends...most of them they barely or have never talk to. Anyway...back to my story...so this weekend I get a friend's request from a girl I don't even know. I accepted it just to read her profile to see who it is. I'm looking around her profile and BAM!!!...I see a picture of my ex and this girl making a comment on it. She is a friend of the ex's that I barely know and she must of just went through her email list(I must be on it from a bulk email my ex sent when we were still together) on Facebook and just click select all for friend request. I made the mistake of clicking on the ex's photo and there was a whole album. I had no problems looking at pictures of her...didn't do anything for me. When she was in my home town last(late March) she showed me pictures of her life which included pictures of her and some other dude. It didn't faze me. But there was this one picture in her album I wish to god that I never saw...it was a picture of her and the guy she cheated on me with. I never saw him before and never knew what he looked like. He looks like a douche...but that doesn't matter. It just brought back all the anger and hurt from her cheating on me...and for the last couple of days...she's been in my mind space and I'm wasting emotional energy on someone that does not deserve it. If it was a picture of her and any other guy...then I wouldn't even care...but it was a picture of her and the guy she cheated on me with. After I saw that picture...I just unfriend my ex's friend. Thank gawd my ex's profile is set to private(as mine as well)...so I don't get tempted. I know it's my own fault for clicking my ex's picture(didn't know I would have access to her album)...but it's like putting crack in front of a reformed crack addict. Facebook is evil!!! She is super happy in all of her pictures...but I realize no one is going to put up bad or sad pictures in their Facebook album. I also remember she contacted me a month ago at 5 am...which is a sign of desperation. If she was happy with her life...she wouldn't have been so needy in her contact from this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=159113&highlight=serendip I haven't heard from her in a month and I hope to not hear from her again.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 yeah facebook and myspace are stalker sites. They give you access to exes and it's really hard to resist sometimes to want to see what they're up to. I've been trying to go on a Myspace detox for a while. You just need to remember Facebook is just a site for you to communicate with friends. Don't let it affect you so much.
nowhereman82 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Oh man. That's horrible! I pray that never happens to me. I know what he looks like but I'd rather not see them together smiling.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Think of it this way, she is HIS problem now, not yours. You are free to find someone who loves you completely and not someone who would take you for granted. That's my biggest pet peave. You take me for granted, I'm gone.
lovestruck818 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Hah, what bothers me about facebook is that it tells everyone your every move...and ok, you can 'x' it out but still... "Lovestruck818 is now in a relationship" "Lovestruck818 has just taken a poop"
0hpenelope Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Would it be possible for you to just check it once say... every 2 weeks? Perhaps that might work for you. I ended up deleting mine altogether because I had way too many mutual acquaintances with Lawrence. No go: I don't want to know anything. I'm sorry you saw the ex. You're right, Facebook is what crack is to an addict. Hopefully you're not giving yourself too hard of a time for clicking on her picture..
porter218 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Yeah, facebook and myspace are kinda stalker oriented. I was 'forced' to get a myspace page from family pressure...My whole enormous family communicates on those sites..even my aunts, uncles, and parents etc.(I set my page to private and didn't list my name) But I decided to have a little fun with faebook and gave my son(3yr old) an account instead of myself. I let him have full control over his page, he dictates messages, posts outrageous comments and designed his own page. He is sooo popular on facebook it is hilarious.
roghornio Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 there is a feature on facebook called see less from. If you put your ex name in it it will stop you seeing anything from them. Its as if you removed them but without actually removing them. When you have moved on i guess you can take them off.
Author serendip Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Would it be possible for you to just check it once say... every 2 weeks? Perhaps that might work for you. I ended up deleting mine altogether because I had way too many mutual acquaintances with Lawrence. No go: I don't want to know anything. I'm sorry you saw the ex. You're right, Facebook is what crack is to an addict. Hopefully you're not giving yourself too hard of a time for clicking on her picture.. I don't think I would have a problem not looking at her profile(she is set to private) and I deleted the ex's friend who friended me b/c she just click on select all(I assume) on her email list to friend. So I have no way of checking on the ex...and even if I did...I have enough will power that I wouldn't. The only reason I saw her album is b/c I was trying to find out who I friended. It happen to be one of my ex's friends that made a comment on one of the ex's pictures. I don't have a problem with seeing pics of the ex or her with another guy. What I had a problem with is seeing her with the guy she cheated on me with. That brought back some of the hurt and anger...from when she cheated on me. If I was completely heal I wouldn't care...but I am still trying to heal from being cheated on. I think it takes a long time. This was a bit of a set back.
0hpenelope Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I don't think I would have a problem not looking at her profile(she is set to private) and I deleted the ex's friend who friended me b/c she just click on select all(I assume) on her email list to friend. So I have no way of checking on the ex...and even if I did...I have enough will power that I wouldn't. The only reason I saw her album is b/c I was trying to find out who I friended. It happen to be one of my ex's friends that made a comment on one of the ex's pictures. I don't have a problem with seeing pics of the ex or her with another guy. What I had a problem with is seeing her with the guy she cheated on me with. That brought back some of the hurt and anger...from when she cheated on me. If I was completely heal I wouldn't care...but I am still trying to heal from being cheated on. I think it takes a long time. This was a bit of a set back. Yeah, that whole interconnectedness aspect that Facebook has is a major set back for anyone who's still healing. It does take a long time. Purging out bits and pieces of the bad memory from your memory one at a time... it's excruciating. You're moving on quite well though, bro. I'm very pleased to see it because I'm feeling the same way. Ups and downs, but nothing major. How are you feeling now? Less hurt, angry than before? Still the same level?
Author serendip Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Yeah, that whole interconnectedness aspect that Facebook has is a major set back for anyone who's still healing. It does take a long time. Purging out bits and pieces of the bad memory from your memory one at a time... it's excruciating. You're moving on quite well though, bro. I'm very pleased to see it because I'm feeling the same way. Ups and downs, but nothing major. How are you feeling now? Less hurt, angry than before? Still the same level? I definitely feel less hurt and angry then before. For a period of time when I was in NC for 4 mths...I was really healing and there were some days I didn't even think of her. Then seeing that pic of her and the dude she cheated on me with was a bit of a set back. I didn't know they were back together since she told me she wasn't with him anymore back in March when we met up for the first time since our break up. I thought she was seeing someone else which didn't really affect me since it's not the guy she cheated on me with. I ignored her attempts at contact twice and felt bad about ignoring her a 3rd time...so I replied to her text last month. Then she text me at 5 am (her time...pacific time) asking a question she could have googled and tried to initiate conversation...I just gave her answers and she stopped. I just wondered what she wanted from me...b/c she seemed desperate(texting at 5am) for contact but had nothing note worthy to say. Also why bother if she's back with the dude she cheated on me with. Here was that convo http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...light=serendip
laars Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Never a truer word said. I deleted my ex's friendship on my facebook so i wouldn't check it every 30 seconds but his privacy settings let me view it anyway... Woe!!!
Mending1985 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 My ex doesn't use Facebook or Myspace or any of those kind of sites. I used to wish he did but now I'm SOOO glad he doesn't!!!!
orangehose Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Wait, I might have missed something here, but can't you just block the gal on facebook? That's what I did... And doesn't that effectively mean they won't receive access to YOUR profile either?
Author serendip Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 Wait, I might have missed something here, but can't you just block the gal on facebook? That's what I did... And doesn't that effectively mean they won't receive access to YOUR profile either? Umm...it wasn't my ex who wanted to friend me on facebook. I don't think she knows I'm on facebook. It was one of her friends(I don't know at all) who wanted to friend everyone on her email list(facebook is a popularity contest to some people). I happen to be on her email list from a bulk email my ex sent when we were together. I wanted to see who was trying to friend me...next thing I see is a picture of ex that this girl commented on...and the rest is history. I deleted her friend's profile. I don't need to block ex...she is set private and I'm set private...what I didn't know is if you click on picture of someone...you get their album even though you are not their friend. I'm not stalking my ex nor is my ex stalking me. I was just shock at seeing a pic of her and the dude she cheated on me with. That was like a kick in the area below the belly and above the thighs.
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