I feel so strongly she's made a mistake!

[Ronni_W]

(scolded ... even now ... the relationship was wrong! don't you SEE that!!!)

I'm unclear if you guys are communicating or in 'no contact' but...the next time she says that or something similar to you, tell her she is doing to you exactly the same thing that you did to her when you said, "You're making a mistake! Don't you SEE that?" -- and remind her how she felt when you did it..cos those are the feelings that she's facilitating when she says it.

 

I wouldn't have called it 'scolding' though -- to me, she was looking to force HER reality (of the relationship being "wrong" FOR HER), onto you. And that was not your reality of it.

But maybe it's just my personal definition/feeling of being scolded?

 

Good part is that TrustInYourself has given you an excellent perspective to aim for -- hope your 'journey' towards that gets easier and smoother.

[LateBloomer]

No, we're not speaking or anything. It all hit the fan with the "I'm feeling distant" which rapidly went to the breakup on the same night. Two days later I tried to mop up and get her to think, which she claims she did for two weeks (she didn't, she just drifted, no thinking here). We spoke at the end of that, I poured my heart out, taking most of the fall (my self critical voice in full bloom). That night we had agreed to be friends, which for her meant meeting in two weeks. That was about 10 days ago, when she called me, and I tried one last time to ask her to really think about what was going on.

 

So it's more than a month since the breakup, but only ten days or so NC.

 

At least I know I spoke my heart and acted with dignity. I know there's nothing more I can do ... except move on and forget about her. I honestly don't see how she and I can ever be friends. But even more importantly, I DO SEE how I need to stop thinking about any of those considerations and all and devote FULL POWER to myself.

 

Thanks all. You know how it goes, up and down sometimes.