nowhereman82 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I've noticed through out reading this board there is a big double standard in regards to sex. Whore gets thrown around a lot behind a lot of anger. Why is it that guys go crazy over the thought of their ex with another man? Why does that incite the most anger? Why is it ok for the guy to go out and screw whoever after a seperation but still want their ex back and feel ok about their "whoring" but it's not ok if the lady slept with anyone? I am a guy and don't function like that, so thought I would throw this out to the men and women on the site for their input and questions as sex is usually a big topic in relationships and control of the mans emotions in and out of the relationship.
MalachiX Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Well, first of all, I don't see a double standard. I don't think many of the women on these boards delight in thinking of their exes banging new girls either. They don't use the word "whore," and I don't really think that is a fair word, but they still aren't thrilled with the idea. Besides, there's not really a good word like "whore" for men. Perhaps the English language is just sexist (what am I saying, "perhaps"). And it does work both ways. I havn't slept with anyone since my break-up six months ago. The first time I ended up making out with a girl which was about a month or so afterwards, I did in fact feel uncomfortable when the thought of sex reared it's head. I knew I we were broken up but the thought was still disturbing. To be hoenst, this has been the case every time I've made out with someone since the break up (though less and less so). It may be part of the reason why I havn't slept with anyone since. Now, it is true that the idea of my EX having sex with someone else makes me a lot more uncomfortable than the idea of me having sex with someone else. That said, I don't think she's a whore if she does so (I have no idea what she's up to now since I've vowed not to try to check up on her in any way). She's perfectly within her rights to sleep with anyone she wants. I just don't want to know about it and much less picture it. When you've been with someone intimatly for a while (two and a half years in my case), you can't help but retain a primal reaction at the thought of them being intimate with someone else. It's just like you get irritated if someone steps on your foot on accident. You know you shouldn't, you try not to show anger, but you still feel it. It's not something one can help. I really do find it odd that you talk of a double standard hear since most women I know are far more comfortable embracing "bad" emotions after a break-up. Where many guys will do their best not to feel angry at their exes, so many of the girls I speak to think it's important that they hate their EX and all his friends. If their EX cheated on them, they certainly have no qualms hating the girl he cheated with, even if she didn't know that he was in a relationship. This certainly isn't true of all women but I'm trying to demonstrate that broad generalizations are never really fair to either sex.
ioncebelieved Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Really it is the same thing. I have slept with 1 woman since my official break up that happened early June. You know what? I really do not feel right about it. That is just way I am built. I like the idea of sex with love as opposed to sex without it. I guess it really depends on the person. If I was out that hitting everything that moved, I would not feel good about myself. Some it does not bother, but I am a little old school in my actions and thinking.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I'm not "whoring" myself out either. My ex's did immediately, but that is their situation to deal with, not mine. I'm not seeking their approval, but my own. What they do with their lives is their business.
Melrapuo Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I'm not "whoring" myself out either. My ex's did immediately, but that is their situation to deal with, not mine. I'm not seeking their approval, but my own. What they do with their lives is their business. Agreed. I'm not going out with my ex now, so its not my business to know what or 'who' she is doing. Guys can whore themselves out just as much as women.
porter218 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I think it is fine for either a man or a woman to do whatever they want if they aren't together. I see both sides of this situation getting upset about this and I don't understand why. I think however it is a sign of weakness to run out and screw someone immediately but nothing you can get mad about. I think that when you breakup with someone you have to do it understanding that you no longer have any say in their sex lives...it just comes with the territory of not being together. Some men just seem to have to f*** around in order to deal with a breakup and I suppose that is the same reason the women have too.
Trialbyfire Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I don't agree with the double standard. For anyone, either it's okay or it's not. You can't hold someone to a higher standard than you hold yourself.
citizen67 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 "Now, it is true that the idea of my EX having sex with someone else makes me a lot more uncomfortable than the idea of me having sex with someone else" I Hear That!
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I don't think it's a matter of sexism. I think it's just human nature: we are jealous, hurt, lonely, and our egos stand in the way. I also think a man who hasn't slept with anyone after a breakup projects the fact into some kind of noble act of celibacy during grief. For men, sleeping with someone soon after separation equals weak feelings for the ex-partner. In a way, sleeping with a new partner does send the message "I don't think we'll ever reconcile and I don't care." When two people split, they both want to believe that the other one is doing nothing but crying. Once they find out that he/she is having fun and sex, it feels like a betrayal.
ianandris Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 TBH, men tend to take break ups harder than women do for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which is that when a women ends a relationship with a man, it's out of his hands. She makes the decision to leave, he has to cope with it. We men like to think that we've got it all under control. We've got it handled, so when things spin out of control, men, a lot of times, will do what it is they feel like they need to do regain that sense of being in the drivers seat. Sex is an easy place to do that. There are a lot of women who do the same thing, too. Furthermore, men tend to be more territorial than women. When something wanders into our territory and we stake a claim, it's ours, and we fight for things that are ours, be they people, convictions, beliefs, dignity, strong opinions, women, whatever. A thing that a man claims, he claims with an unspoken contract to defend. Seeing an ex with another man strikes at the very heart of this tendency. A break up does not immediately divorce that feeling of ownership from a man.
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 when things spin out of control, men, a lot of times, will do what it is they feel like they need to do regain that sense of being in the drivers seat. Furthermore, men tend to be more territorial than women. I am learning things from you. I like your philosophical side. Don't go away, keep posting.
Trialbyfire Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 TBH, men tend to take break ups harder than women do for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which is that when a women ends a relationship with a man, it's out of his hands. She makes the decision to leave, he has to cope with it. We men like to think that we've got it all under control. We've got it handled, so when things spin out of control, men, a lot of times, will do what it is they feel like they need to do regain that sense of being in the drivers seat. Sex is an easy place to do that. There are a lot of women who do the same thing, too. Furthermore, men tend to be more territorial than women. When something wanders into our territory and we stake a claim, it's ours, and we fight for things that are ours, be they people, convictions, beliefs, dignity, strong opinions, women, whatever. A thing that a man claims, he claims with an unspoken contract to defend. Seeing an ex with another man strikes at the very heart of this tendency. A break up does not immediately divorce that feeling of ownership from a man. I agree with your first paragraph but your second one, I'm not so convinced. I'm territorial when it comes to my man. I expect him to be territorial too. When the relationship ends, no matter who ends it, I cease to be territorial. Perhaps this is more individual reliant, in that it's a matter of letting go and moving on.
Woggle Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I really couldn't care less what my ex does as long as she leaves me alone.
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I really couldn't care less what my ex does as long as she leaves me alone. We are talking about sleeping with someone sooner after the brakup; you and your ex broke up long time ago and you're happily re-married.
sveltskye Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I hate when people generalize according to sex. I don't think that men take break ups worse than women (and what would that prove anyways? That they're somehow more prone to screwing around?) I think it depends on the two individuals we're talking about. I do think we could be more respectful and not label girls as whores to begin with, though I'm guilty of calling my ex a "man slut" so what do I know. He was one of the ones who since our breakup has lined up an arsenal of FWBs.
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I hate when people generalize according to sex. I don't think that men take break ups worse than women (and what would that prove anyways? That they're somehow more prone to screwing around?) I think it depends on the two individuals we're talking about. I do think we could be more respectful and not label girls as whores to begin with, though I'm guilty of calling my ex a "man slut" so what do I know. He was one of the ones who since our breakup has lined up an arsenal of FWBs.You should've passed by the line and say "He has Hepatitis and rarely takes a shower." I do think that men take breakups more difficult. Women are much more rational when it comes to breakups. A woman is aware that he was an ass and wonders why she misses him. Then she finds out he is with another woman or he starts doing some crap and she hates his guts, which turns into indifference soon thereafter. We women have excellent defense mechanisms. Men, on the other hand, idealize the woman who dumped them; all of a sudden, she becomes the best thing since sliced bread - the same one that they severely neglected and criticized during years of relationship (that's why she finds it easier to move on). Men lose (romantic) interest early in the relationship and women start feeling unloved. So whoever ends the relationship, the woman suddenly feels relief (from the emotional pain) together with the pain from the breakup, which helps her get over. But the man rapidly re-gains interest and feels like he could have tried harder to keep his "property" (as Ianadndris suggested, they are very territorial). Men have the habit of taking things for granted, so once they lose their partners, they realize that they shouldn't have taken them for granted. And the remorse is a much harder pill to swallow than getting over someone who didn't treat you right.
The Collector Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I agree that men often take break-ups harder than women, but not for the above reasons. There are exceptions, but believe that women tend to be far more pragmatic when it comes to relationships, and men, counter to what we are told, are often more romantic/unrealistic. Or to put it another, more female-pleasing way, women are tougher and most men are pussies.
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 men, counter to what we are told, are often more romantic/unrealistic. Only before hooking up and after breaking up. Between those two, their idea of romance is paying the bills and eating what the woman cooked. So many women want more romance from their marriages; I haven't heard one single guy complaining that he wanted to take his darlin' to a romantic dinner with flowers and candles, but she decided to watch TV instead. I am talking in general terms, so please don't give me examples out of a context, such as I brought flowers to my wife (after she caught you cheating) and she trashed them.
The Collector Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 All traditional romantic gestures are about the man doing something nice for the female. No wonder women claim to be more romantic than men.
RecordProducer Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 All traditional romantic gestures are about the man doing something nice for the female. No wonder women claim to be more romantic than men. Hahahah! That's really funny! The thing is, when a man does something for a woman, that's considerd normal for both partners. or example, a woman is very happy to receive a card saying "You're the most beautiful woman int eh world," while the same words don't mean that much to a man (he might want to hear it just once, though). A man expects things that are more practical like kindness, generosity, respect, etc. A woman expects al that PLUS romantic gestures that really serve no purpose other than letting her know that she is admired and loved. I don't think a man would be thrilled about getting a stuffed bunny with a tag saying "You're so cute."
Whey2Big4u Posted August 22, 2008 Posted August 22, 2008 i do think sleeping with some one right after the break up is a sign of weakness........my ex and i both did, but to continue one after th other without rest is a little obsured, but its ok im not the one with the open legs lmao
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