desertfire Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Hello everyone... I have a dilemna and am trying to understand it... I was going through a pretty rough divorce.. my wife of 10 years was leaving me.. things were 99.9% final and then there was a breaking point in the middle of this year where she came to her senses and figured out the madness she was creating... there was no cheating or foul play.. sort of a mid-life crisis thing of some kind. In any case, while I was dumped, left out to dry and knew the titanic and iceberg were already making contact, a GF came along and made life so much better and things were good, especially in the light of things being so disastrous and torn up inside me. I have been with the GF for nearly 8 months and was dealing with strong feelings for her as well as the wife. When the wife came and did a 180 and wanted to reconcile things I could not deny that I still had feelings for the wife. I always harbored feelings for my wife and the GF new it. However I was faced with making a choice. Over the past months my GF and I have quarreled over my contact with my wife and it had become obvious that things needed to swing in some direction. I know my wife truly wants to reconcile and I feel that the right thing to do is to make the effort with my wife. I told the GF that I believed that the best thing for us was for me to let go of her. She wanted me to find what it is I wanted, but rather I chose in terms of what would be best for her interests as well, so as to keep things un-selfish. I do have feelings as well for the GF... deep feelings in fact. It was difficult for me to tell her, but I believe that if you love someone enough, you can find it in your heart to let them go. After telling her, and we are both having issues with this, it has become sort of painful inside... especially when thinking that she will move on (quickly I'm pretty sure) and I am sure to run into her with other guys. I hate that I am losing the GF, but it is a necessary loss. Did I do the right thing ? and if so, why does it hurt when it should be a relatively positive outcome even though there is a significant loss ? (I do know that it is my fault for not having completely closed one door before another, so please spare the lecture on that part, and I own up that 100%) Also, what tips can you give me for dealing with the separation ? Your feedback is greatly appreciated, as it is quite difficult to deal with understanding all of this
ioncebelieved Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I was in a similar situation as you. I divorced two years ago and while separated I almost wanted to work things out with my wife. You know what I did? I divorced her and never looked back or regretted my decision! I have no children with ex wife so that made it easier and cheaper. Not sure if you have kids or not? Only the future will tell if your decision was right or not! What you did manage to accomplish was hurting someone that did not deserve it! You should have not gotten involved with GF if you were not ready! I also was kind of in your GF's position after I did get a divorce with another women. She did me like you did her. She on the other hand played games and played with my heart...hence why I have been on here for several months. I will break it down to you like I did my ex: When a relationship becomes so broken, it is unfixable! They may seem fine for a while, but those old problems whatever they may be will resurface. That could be boredom, disrespect, addiction, cheating or fill in the blank. Good luck with your decision and you may have screwed up!!!
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