AugustLane Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 So my Bff and her new bf might be moving in together after dating a little over a month. I think it's crazy! On the other hand they really do seem to be hitting it off better than anyone I have ever seen her with (we have been bffs for 12 years). I want to be happy for her, but I don't want to see her get hurt. Any words of advice for me or her? I am supporting her in this decision; because if she is happy, I am happy- but at the same time- HELLO! A MONTH?!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustLane Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 any one have some thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 One of my best friend met this guy (almost 30 yrs ago) on a blind date.. we were roomates then... they dated 3 weeks and decided to get married 3 weeks later.. so from date 1 to wedding day (6 weeks).. they were together over 12 years I think. There is nothing you can do .. she is old enough to make her own decisions.. she's in love.. love is blind... Do couples who date for years have better chances... no one can tell... just hope for the best... Stop worrying.. be happy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustLane Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 I am happy-but I am scared for her. They are moving so quickly! Link to post Share on other sites
Mako482 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I did the same thing with my EX-wife. Need I say more? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Jam Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I wouldn't let a girl move in with me until I get engaged to her. Seriously. I think it's silly when I see couples move in together after a month or even 6-9 months. I've not seen anything else kill a RL faster than moving in together. Usually it's the same story. Two singles lifestyles clashing so much that it causes problems, one or both sides had unrealistic expectations, and even neglect happens on one or both ends. I'll see one or the other complain how their mate is messy and won't be as much of a cleanliness freak. I'll see one or the other complain how things are all lovey dovey romantic, or how their mate comes home, eats dinner, and falls asleep on the couch, or is all involved in their workouts and is out every night, etc. I'll also see "dating" end. Suddenly these two are with one another 24-7, and thus there is "no distance to make the heart grow fond". Seen one couple where the girl complained, then agreed to watching a DVD with a candlelit dinner. She made the dinner, put in a movie, and he fell asleep. Also seen many instances where the guy feels like sex isn't happening as often as it used to. AugustLane, I'd first tell your BFF that she is getting so swept up in the moment that she's making a big mistake. Once the "honeymoon" is over, things won't be as romantic as they are now...and moving in will kill the honeymoon very fast. Tell her to make sure dating does not stop. That means she and her BF go out to dinners, shows, movies, bars, clubs, a walk, whatever they did before moving in. Don't let things crumble to the level of hanging in the apartment every night. Also make sure she knows to have her own life. That means she doesn't suddenly play homemaker all the time and never calls her friends to go out. That means she goes out without the BF and he goes out without her. If they spend all their time together, then they will get sick of one another and the spark will die. Finally, she needs to remember to be compromising in some matters. So let's say she's the messy one and he's the clean freak. He needs to learn to let some things go, but she also needs to pick up more after herself. Remember that she's now signing up to live a SHARED LIFE with someone. Not just carry her current life to the new place. All these things go the same for her BF (if you can tell him the same). If one or the other side takes their mate for granted, you can tell this will turn bad quickly and then fail...then she's gotta deal with finding a place to live and such. It can be as bad as a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustLane Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 Apparently she already laid down the law 'so she says' about what she expects. She said he is well aware that she is looking for a husband and that if this seems to be going nowhere then he is out. -And he agreed to it! WTF? It is actually her place that he is moving into so part of her argument is that she had nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Jam Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Apparently she already laid down the law 'so she says' about what she expects. She said he is well aware that she is looking for a husband and that if this seems to be going nowhere then he is out. -And he agreed to it! WTF? It is actually her place that he is moving into so part of her argument is that she had nothing to lose. That is true. She also needs to remember that many men and women will say one thing, then do the opposite. Only thing we can do is just see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
zicke Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Yeah, it can happen, more often than not---it will burn itself out. I moved in with my ex-fiance after one month, after two months engaged. Set wedding date a year to the day we met, month before the wedding, he freaked out. Well, some years later, many breakups later, many moving in and outs---we are DONE! Thank God! What's the hurry? I will never, ever live with a guy without having married his ass first again. Nope, No way, no how! Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 What kind of advice do YOU need? lol. It's not your relationship, hon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustLane Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 JB- What kind of advice do I need? Look at the disasters the other posters have written about... I am preparing myself to have to nurse her through those.... Seriously- how can it work out? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegirl Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 It DOES work in very rare cases. Usually, it's just two people moving waaaaay too fast but they won't know that until several years from now (or possibly less than that). The best thing you can do is try to keep her grounded! Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 JB- What kind of advice do I need? Look at the disasters the other posters have written about... I am preparing myself to have to nurse her through those.... Seriously- how can it work out? You don't need ANY advice. Why are you looking for problems before they even start? Again - this is NOT your relationship - it is hers. I understand you are her friend, and concerned, but why? It doesn't seem this guy is trouble, and she is happy. So, let her be, rather than trying to drop a poison pill on this. I moved in with my ex 2 weeks after we met and we were together for 5 years. Longer than some marriages. lol. Tell you what - if she has some problems down the road, then have her come post here. But until then, please stop trying to manifest drama where it doesn't exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustLane Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 Aww JB I swear I am not trying to cause problems where they don't exist! I am so happy that she is finally happy! It is just that I know all she has been through and how far she has come. I worry for her- she is like my sister. This guy seems to be the real deal- but I can't help but worry that he is too good to be true! Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Aww JB I swear I am not trying to cause problems where they don't exist! I am so happy that she is finally happy! It is just that I know all she has been through and how far she has come. I worry for her- she is like my sister. This guy seems to be the real deal- but I can't help but worry that he is too good to be true! Have you heard of the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 What's a BFF? Link to post Share on other sites
zicke Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Jilly bean----OK, I WANT WANT WANT those shoes! Link to post Share on other sites
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