Author Shygirl15 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 I would agree that it may be too early for him to really have a serious relationship. I was married for 20 years and our marriage was dead for about 1.5 years before the divorce, we just did the living separately in the same house for the kids sake. When the divorce was final it was still a major emotional trauma even after 1.5 years of little contact. It took me 3 months after that even to think about dating. Then you mention his kids, this is a whole other aspect you are going have to deal with and it will be complicated whether they are young or teenagers. Just make sure you think all of these things through, but you are the only one who knows him and yourself so you are the only one that can make a decision. Honestly I'm of the same opinion that it's too soon for him to take the first person he meets after separation seriously. Keep in mind we haven't been intimate just yet and sometimes can't help but wonder if that's the only reason he's still hanging around. His adopted boys are both 11 yo, one has autism, and my 5yo son has autism so we have a bond right there. All in all, the more I'm getting these ideas from you, the more it seems such a bad choice continuing a relationship with him.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 and that stops you from having respect for someone in her situation? <<shrugs>> Terminator, please, have some sympathy will you? I have been tricked into this situation and now I feel severely depressed, the last thing I need is this. Tell me, how did I disrespect this woman? Calling her wifey? Really? Can that compare to someone who posted here calling the other woman grandma whore, really?
Art_Critic Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 and that stops you from having respect for someone in her situation? <<shrugs>> I don't think she was showing disrespect for his wife Terminator.. She certainly wasn't showing you any disrespect by talking about his wife.
Terminator Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 To each their own - in my humble opinion it shows the OP will do exactly what she has to do to get what SHE wants, and calling the injured party wifey makes it easier to salve her conscience I guess. OP, see you later when you're here posting & crying that he's dumped you and gone back to "wifey". Enjoy
Jilly Bean Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Issues: I know for sure he initially said he's divorced, even his online profile said so. Yesterday when I went back to verify this, I noticed that he has changed status to 'separated'. I can swear this was not there before. And next week he'll be married again. Hey - if you are OK with a guy lying to you, then by all means, stick with him. And certainly expect more of the same. Personally, if I found out a guy lied to me about something like this, I'd be GONE. Without trust, what have you got?
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 To each their own - in my humble opinion it shows the OP will do exactly what she has to do to get what SHE wants, and calling the injured party wifey makes it easier to salve her conscience I guess. OP, see you later when you're here posting & crying that he's dumped you and gone back to "wifey". Enjoy Oh, I thought the issue was that I disrespected her, but looks like you have several other issues as well? Well, sorry to disappoint you Terminator, but you won't see me here crying on this same issue ever again. Thanks to valuable inputs I received since I posted this topic, I have infact decided to return him back to "wifey" where he belongs, so this topic is soo OVER.
Ms. Red Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 I think what is most important shygirl is that you go into this with your eyes open.. With the dishonesty of his living situation and his separation he didn't start this out on the right foot.. It makes him look very bad.. I have always believed that relationships that start off on the wrong foot buried in dishonesty will remain buried in dishonesty.. even if you think they are telling the truth, the chances are there are lies being told.. even if for effect. He threw several red flags and you caught them.... now it is up to you what you want to do with all the info... I do know if it was me what I would do.. to the curb.. but that is me and you are a different person. I have kicked a couple of women to the curb during my dating years for being dishonest and the lies told weren't as bad as about being married or not.. Good Luck.... I totally agree with AC. The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be where someone shows the best of themselves. Don't people look back on a relationship & remember the beginning & how good it made them feel? You think of all the things that attracted you to the person? Will you ever be able to get it out of your head that he started it off with a huge lie? I couldn't do it. I hope all turns out well for you. I just don't feel very confident that it will. I have heard of this exact situation over & over again in the OM/OW forum. I wish you well. =^-^=
Ms. Red Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Ooops! Just saw your post above mine. Good for you! Don't know you, but I damn proud of you girl! Hang in there. The breakup will be much easier now then later when feelings would have gotten deeper.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 It's good you came to a decision and that you got the input from us that you needed. Im sure this is going to be hard for you, but you'll get through it. It's unfortunate this man had to lie in the first place and cause you grief. Goodluck.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 Thanks.. It's very depressing but it's for the best. The part I'm so glad about is that I was able to catch him in his lies before things went too far.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Thanks.. It's very depressing but it's for the best. The part I'm so glad about is that I was able to catch him in his lies before things went too far. Yes, it is for the best. I was in a similar situation, but I was the wife and my husband left, got a GF, it was a disaster and I was soo heartbroken. He was telling this girl one thing and me another. It is good you caught him now before anymore lies can hurt you.
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