Shygirl15 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Suddenly last Sunday, the story changes to being separated. And that he moved out of the house in July?? So when we started talking in early June, he was still staying with wifey (of 17 yrs, BTW)? Geez. Everything else is so perfect, however I am very shaken by this new piece of information. Am I overreacting?
Tryng2Trust08 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 NO, that is NOT overreacting. Personally, I have been through a divorce and would NOT date another guy until the divorce was final. To me, being separated, he is still married.Why would he tell he was divorced and then lie about being only separated?? Sounds shady.
Balthazar Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 They say women are like monkeys, never leaving one branch before they have another in grasp;maybe men are like monkeys too. In any case, you may be the catalyst that furthered the separation and fuels the divorce. Don't feel bad about that, the marriage was dead anyway. Feel good that you have breathed new life into a person and enjoy the relationship. CHeers,
D-Jam Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Suddenly last Sunday, the story changes to being separated. And that he moved out of the house in July?? So when we started talking in early June, he was still staying with wifey (of 17 yrs, BTW)? Geez. Everything else is so perfect, however I am very shaken by this new piece of information. Am I overreacting? HELL NO Next week he'll still be married and living there, or next year he'll be banging someone else and claiming he never said you two were exclusive. Move on.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I dated a guy when he was separated. He got divorced while we were going out. He was over the woman, but he had a lot of feelings of guilt and failure. It ended up to be too much for us. I don't think he was a bad guy, but I do think he used me a little bit to ease the transition. Anyway, I ended up with my little heart broken. It is easy to say, well what did you expect? But actually, I didn't know what to expect. I was only 25 and I had only had one serious boyfriend. I thought this guy and I were a good match. So my advice is to proceed if everything is going well, but proceed with caution. This guy's emotions might be all over the map.
Rooster_DAR Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I could have sworn he said he's divorced.. Sorry..I had to chime in and say this is probably the funniest topic line I've seen, it immediately caught my eye. Okay resume thread....
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 Thank you all so very much. Here's the thing. I like him a lot, a whole lot. I have never felt so good with anyone in a long time, the way I do with him. He doesn't seem to have any hangups, saying the marriage was dead a couple of years back. He also appears so keen to finalize his divorce and move on. Issues: I know for sure he initially said he's divorced, even his online profile said so. Yesterday when I went back to verify this, I noticed that he has changed status to 'separated'. I can swear this was not there before. So now I get the clear picture. Initially we only talked by email everyday for about 1 month. He never asked for my number or volunteered to give his number. A little unusual. He said he liked things slower. So, only now I realize this was infact due to the fact that he was still home with wifey. We exchanged nos in July (I guess after he moved out), and met shortly afterwards. Everything is going so well, however, I find the fact that he lied about his status rather disturbing. I don't know what to do, but (call me stupid) I know for sure I'll not dump him.
Art_Critic Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Here's the thing. here's the thing.. he is married.. and he has lied to you.. he might even be married and not separated.. he could be lying about that to... or maybe they are taking a break.. except during the break he is going to try and bang you.. then go back to the wife...
Art_Critic Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Everything is going so well, however, I find the fact that he lied about his status rather disturbing. It is disturbing.. you should find it a deal breaker...
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 or maybe they are taking a break.. except during the break he is going to try and bang you.. then go back to the wife... Now, that's my BIGGEST worry.. Especially, if you consider the fact that he moved out just a month ago. And oh, one more thing; he said he tried moved out early last year but his wife seduced him to stay..
Starbright_SB Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 thats such a tricky situation.... if your not gonna leave, just be very cautious, and maybe let him know what your thinking. Either way, he lied to you, and his reasons for it might be pretty shady like other have said
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 thats such a tricky situation.... if your not gonna leave, just be very cautious, and maybe let him know what your thinking. Either way, he lied to you, and his reasons for it might be pretty shady like other have said Well, I haven't. I'm just dumb, dumb, dumb and so angry with being so dumb.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Now, that's my BIGGEST worry.. Especially, if you consider the fact that he moved out just a month ago. And oh, one more thing; he said he tried moved out early last year but his wife seduced him to stay.. That tells me that he's only after one thing.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 That tells me that he's only after one thing. Yeah? But we haven't done that just yet, and he doesn't appear keen. Generally speaking he treats me with lots of respect, and in all cases I was the one to initiate physical contact. We only had our first 'real' kiss last Sunday.
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 If you haven't been to his place.. then I say he's still with his W.. and not even separated... Some men are sooo freaken good at lying and us, women, so freaken dumb. btdt but we got caught together by his W..
flc Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Sorry to hear this. I never date separated women there is just too much risk and drama still going on, who knows what will really end up happening. Then the fact that he said he was divorced means you start the whole relationship with a pretty big lie. Honesty and communication is what drives a good relationship when trust is broken it can almost never be repaired.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 I know. I'm not from the US, so I don't know how 'separation' works here, but where I come from separated people are not considered married, and it's okay for them to date other people. I never knew separated people are still considered legally married here. Does this mean they can still be intimate? Geez. Another headache. Sucks.
flc Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Separation can be due to different reasons. I believe some States require it prior to divorce, some divorces are lengthy and in some cases the couple decide to separate to really test if they want a divorce. But in all cases you are still married until the judge signs the divorce order. As to whether you get into a relationship while separated I think it is up to the individual but they should be up front about their marriage status. I don't believe you would consider the person cheating on their wife at this point, but is somewhat of a gray area.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Well, where I live Separation is just that, you are separated and not legally divorced and still considered married. Even if you don't live together, etc u are still legall married until the divorce is final...I just think a guy that just left his wife is going through a tough time and do you really want to set yourself up to get hurt?? I have gone through a divorce and it's not pretty, very emotional, do you want to go along for that ride with him???? My exhusband left me for another woman and he told her he was divorced even though we were still married....I had a 8 month old baby and a 3 year old...let me tell you how ugly this got!! It's no way to live, you deserve better!
Art_Critic Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 If you haven't been to his place.. then I say he's still with his W.. and not even separated... I'm going with Lizzie on this one..
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Well, where I live Separation is just that, you are separated and not legally divorced and still considered married. Even if you don't live together, etc u are still legall married until the divorce is final...I just think a guy that just left his wife is going through a tough time and do you really want to set yourself up to get hurt?? I have gone through a divorce and it's not pretty, very emotional, do you want to go along for that ride with him???? My exhusband left me for another woman and he told her he was divorced even though we were still married....I had a 8 month old baby and a 3 year old...let me tell you how ugly this got!! It's no way to live, you deserve better! Ouch! That hurts. Been through divorce myself and I know how painful it can be. I don't know if I can go along that ride with him but I really do like him. All I know is that his wife is against the divorce and is convincing everyone who can listen to talk him out of it. The woman is gathering people from her church every night at her house, and they pray for his soul, asking God help him change his mind. Friends, I have a feeling this thing will turn out really bad for me. I'm going with Lizzie on this one.. I know for a fact that he lives alone. We talk every night for hours. However the wife is a just couple of minutes away and he sees her and his kids EVERY NIGHT! He says that they agreed he would come to WALK THE DOG every night . Well, he still doesn't know I'm hurting from all this, and I just don't know how to bring it up without coming off as possesive, jealous, insecure freak.
Art_Critic Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 They are just on a break.. 10-1 there isn't a legal separation that has been filed.. Shygirl.. Why are you so intent on protecting him.. it is quite obvious that there is much more to the story than he is telling you and he has already been caught by you in lies.. Where are your boundaries ?.. you do know that if you continue this you will be thrown smack in the middle of their marriage and you will become the bad guy as well as the OW.. Why would you even consider dating a married man ?
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Well, he keeps saying he's preparing a 'separation agreement'. I'm seriously breaking apart right now. I had so many hopes for this man. Geez.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Well, he's preparing a separation agreement? Look....It seems you're really into this guy, but he has lied to you about a very serious things. Be thankful you found out now because it will be easier to move on even though u feel strongly for him, its better now than months from now.......
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