Starbright_SB Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Hey So me any my boyfriend have been together for 8 ish months, and we're prectically living together now. we spend 95% of our free time together. things are going really good, but sometimes i feel like he doesn't appreciate everything i have done and still do for him! My BF is a soldier and just came back from fighting overseas a few months before we met. a few months after we met he confessed to me that since he had come back he had become anorexic/bulemic, he hadn't told anyone else. so i helped him, and i went to counselling with him, and he's done great. He hasn't thrown up for 4 months now and he eats exactly the amount of calories that he should be for his age and activity level. he still gets freaked out after eating sometimes, and he still gets very self conscious, but when that happens we sit down and we talk about things and i tell him how good he looks and why he shouldnt feel bad untill he feels better. I also do little small random things for him, like buy him snacks, or send him little messaes on facebook or email. I feel lately like he just doesnt appreciate all those things that i;ve done for him! we got into an argument the other day, and i mentioned that it would be nice if he would sometimes thanked me or told me that he appreciated the little things i did for him, and he went off about how its not fair for me to continue to do those things if i expected him to go on tand thank me every single time. and recently he felt down cause no one messaged him on facebook, so i sent him a cute message and he didnt even bother writing back. and the other day i was kind of mentioning that i feel under apreciated (in a serious but teasing way so that he wasnt offended) and i asked him what was the last thing he did for me, and he just kept saying "i fight for your freedom, what do you do?" and i know we were joking, but it just seemed like he totally blew me off. i dunno, i just sometimes feel like no matter what i do for him he will never see me on the same level as him becasue he fought for his country and i was just a nurse here at home. I just wish that he would do something for me to show me that i mena somehting, or i am equal, or that he does appreciate everything i have done. i do admit, that he always tells me i'm beautiful, and that he loves me, its not like he's totally unromantic, but i ust wish he would do something different sometimes. make any sense???
Shygirl15 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Well, no real advice here just to say that I went through a similar situation with my ex who is a Marine. It was almost impossible to bring out the romantic side of him, no matter how much I tried. Never seemed to appreciate anything I did, the only time he did try to pay attention was 30 seconds before he jumped on top of me. Suprisingly, I really loved him and still miss him a lot. Maybe it's a soldier thing, I don't know.
Author Starbright_SB Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 I love him so much, it jsut gets really frustrating sometimes. i feel like i spend so much time makeing him feel better about himself, and sometimes i need that too! they need to teach those boys romance in boot camp! LOL!
D-Jam Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 If this were any other kind of guy, then I'd say that both Shygirl's ex and Starbright's boyfriends were both just plain *******s. In the case of Shygirl's ex, I would toss out there that from what I've seen with my civilian eyes, Marines are pushed and trained and bred to be very masculine, cold, killing machines. Their the toughest soldiers in our Armed Forces in my opinion. They're taught never to show weakness or emotion. With that in mind, I imagine it might be hard for a Marine to suddenly become all sensitive and romantic, simply because it more or less goes against his training and psychological lifestyle. After seeing two other females get involved with Marines and have the same problems, I tell many women that when you get into that, expect more a masculine wall than a dozen roses and love poetry. With Starbright's boyfriend, I also wonder if him being overseas (possibly in combat) might have done more to him psychologically. The eating disorders, change of attitude, sound more like post-traumatic stress. Again, I can only imagine how horrifying war can be if you're a soldier. I would tell Starbright to try to get her boyfriend to see help. Talk to an expert or someone, get it off his chest. Like Shygirl's ex, you will have to expect that his mind is now trained not to show emotion and weakness, but if he's shutting you out then this sounds like way more than just some stubborn attitude or jerk mentality.
Green Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Your not going to be able to change the guy, you should probably date some one who meets your needs who your not always trying to fix.
almost famous Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 I would stop doing little things for him, and I would cut him off sexually until he would treat me well.
You'reasian Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 Anorexic/bullemic? Strange, I've never heard of this especially from Soldiers or Marines. Guys in the Armed Services freaking love to eat!! Your guy in the armed forces is more likely to show his love rather than tell. Does he buy you flowers? Does he drive you and pick you up from places? Take you out to dinner? Make love? That's just his way of constantly reminding you that he cares about you. We're different creatures. He's not going to want to hear you oogle about the latest pop-musician or olympic athlete that you think is hawt; he's not going to get a manicure with you; he's not going want to watch Sex & The City with you and the girls - He's going to give you a huge hug and stare into your eyes. He's going to walk with you after dinner and pick you a flower. He's going to hold your hand on the way to the movie theater, shower together afterwards and do what he's been wanting to do with you since he's been gone...
Shygirl15 Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 At least with my ex, I know he got seriously depressed after he came back from Iraqi. Your BF, on top of being anorexic/bulemic, he sounds very depressed too. I hope he has a therapist helping him to cope with that?
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