Author Jay34 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 she is still contacting me, i don't know if i should talk to her or not since we did talk about getting back together, im so confused, anyone ever been in a situation like this
nowhereman82 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 you told her you needed time for NC so stick to your guns and dont respond. Make her realize you aren't at her beck and call.
Author Jay34 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 ok thanks, because at this point she wasn't 100% apologetic and acted like we could go right back to the same us, even the little comments that are slightly rude, and right now i wasn't in the mood for that
tinke Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Don't call her. Send the message that you mean what you say...NC, respect that! It appears that she wants everything on her terms only. "not very apologetic" says alot. Give her time to think about things and know that you stand firm, or....you will will be setting the stage for future episodes. Respect is not too much to ask. Seriously, if you asked her NOT to contact you, what does this say about her recent attempts? She doesn't seem to take you seriously.
Author Jay34 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 one thing that bothers me is i know i will never get a total full apology even if she feels sorrier than ever, she will keep all her emotions inside, she has been this way since i have known her and that fact that i said i forgave her makes her a lot less likely to ever, but what about saying she wanted to try it again! do i even give it a shot, i know we have to have a real heart to heart talk before we get back together but i'm not sure how long to wait!
tinke Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Only you know what you feel in your heart. The point I wanted to make is: How do you expect things to change when she isn't even in your life now and cannot/will not repect your wishes to leave you alone for now. It just seems that if you get right back into things, she really hasn't had the time to feel and understand your side of things. Quite honestly, I would bet she is positive of an upcoming reunion and doesn't see the neeed to change a thing. To put it bluntly...she probably knows she has you! But....do you want to get right back into the same pattern? You already know, she hasn't changed...she is still contacting you when you asked her not to. Which appears..me first! I understand what you are saying, some people just do not communicate fully, however, in such a case, I would need to hear, feel, and know the regret. He would have to SHOW me things have changed for the better. Take some time and think it out, no need to rush.
nowhereman82 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Only you know what you feel in your heart. The point I wanted to make is: How do you expect things to change when she isn't even in your life now and cannot/will not repect your wishes to leave you alone for now. It just seems that if you get right back into things, she really hasn't had the time to feel and understand your side of things. Quite honestly, I would bet she is positive of an upcoming reunion and doesn't see the neeed to change a thing. To put it bluntly...she probably knows she has you! But....do you want to get right back into the same pattern? You already know, she hasn't changed...she is still contacting you when you asked her not to. Which appears..me first! I understand what you are saying, some people just do not communicate fully, however, in such a case, I would need to hear, feel, and know the regret. He would have to SHOW me things have changed for the better. Take some time and think it out, no need to rush. What they said dude. It's going to be the same ol` crap if she doesnt take time to reflect and change and come at you proper.
Author Jay34 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 i understand it's just so hard when she keeps messaging me and in a way i want to talk to her because i still care for her, im afraid since right now we are so far away it could fade, but she never tried to work on things when we were together so why do i always have to be the one to fix things
tinke Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 With that being said, you are FEELING that things are not changing. You are still the one to mend things? where is she in this? Yes, she keeps texting you as a form of manipulation...to keep things going. However, what has she stated she is willing to work on? Has she admitted to any failure in this? I have to say, it almost appears as a conquest on her part, she wants to KNOW she still has you (as before). But seriously, does she see any fault she contributed? I would guess things would go back just as they were....AND she would know she wouldn't have to work on a thing...YOU ARE THERE! If she truly regrets things and loves you, she WILL grant you your space for now and not hover over you in a controlling manner. Time shouldn't be a factor now. Honestly, I would think she would be humbling herself. Her constant texts again are a way to keep control, if you want to send a clear message that you are serious about change, and hurt you have felt..don't reply. Give it time...you may feel differently, and she may be unwilling to see it takes effort from both. She appears to be somewhat sure of herself in the relationship without so much as an honest apology.
Author Jay34 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 yea thats true the only thing im worried about is because i said i forgive you so easily and didn't really say i need to think about it, i know nc is the best way but it is hard
Author Jay34 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 im such an idiot but i answered her aim message today idk why, and this time she didn't answer, why must she play these games, i know she was on, i stayed of for 5 days and it was the best thing i could do. this girl just has no respect, better i found out now than later , in a way this is good because this is far from the honest girl i knew HAHHAHAA, would it be stupid of me to next time i talk to her just get down to everything and make a plan of what we are going to do because i did forgive her and we both said we wanted to try it again, i know it is stupid that we have been playing this game for nearly a month now, i feel like telling her i wanted to try it again and then saying we shouldn't talk for awhile was stupid because it doesnt even make sense to me. i know i care way too much about this whole situation and i should just let it be, but i hate doing this stuff, because even when i told her not to contact me, deep down i know we are still in love, its such a pain
tinke Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 My apologies if I am mistaken as I did not go through the thread again......but.......didn't she do this before? (not answer your contacts, not returned your calls, etc)? So, she is back to the games. I can see you are set on returning to the relationship NOW, but keep in mind that SHE has not heartfully apologized, directly contacted you, suggested any form of change, etc. Plus again, her not returning the aim mes. is manipulation! She keeps you dangling where SHE wants you. She seems very confident that you are there in the relationship and probably feels SHE HAS YOU and there is no need for her to change or admit wrong. Can I ask, why is it you feel the need even more strongly to contact her when she ignored your attempt? If she felt any responsibility, she would call you and TALK to you, nothing you would say would stop this. Think about it, she still contacts you VIA other measures when you asked her not to, so why not just call and talk to you? Why? She is testing YOU and seeing just how secure she has it. All I am saying is that it appears you are the one that seems to take blame and making all the correct attempts, where is she on a more mature level of things? Quite honestly, I would quickly become annoyed at "that back door attempt" to contact me, it's a manipulation tactic to have YOU make the first moves...hell, if she wanted to talk directly to you, what's so hard about dialing a phone versus a keypad? It just all seems too much, too much scheming! Best to you.
Author Jay34 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 well the only reason is because i guess she had been trying to contact me for 5 days and i wasn't online, but no she hasn't called me, is it worth it when im online to return her messages anymore or should i just wait for a call, next time she messages me i'd like to say hey you know if you call that would be the best way to reach me, now on the apology note i dont know if i will ever get one like that because i gave her forgiveness so quick a mistake.
tinke Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 The theme from your post seems to be rationalizing her behaviors, making excuses for her, etc. No, I wasn't referring to contact by computer. I don't get this, if she really wanted to talk, she would call you...hell, by now, the average would have come over. Why all these games, why? because she is putting the work on you. Honestly, it shouldn't matter that you offered forgiveness, what does that have to do with a heartfelt apololgy? Because you forgave her, she shouldn't feel remorse? Do you believe that? It just seems that you are taking way too much responsibility in this, unfortunately, it seems to be a part of her manipulative ways. Why do you feel YOU must contact her or make the suggestion to call you? You can find out quite a lot about her character by waiting it out and seeing what SHE does. How much does she want to get back together with admission of fault and willing to meet you half way, willing to make changes. As for your question, I would not respond at all until she would show me the courtesy and respect of direct contact on her own. Forget this back door method. Take my word for this, if she was truly remorseful, and "worried" about the state of the relationship...she would have been at your door already, ready to talk. You are making this too easy to slip back to old patterns. Again, she MUST be very, very sure she can mold her way right back . The thing is, I did not read that she has even acknowledged any hurt caused, etc. Is she a selfish person? spoiled? I'm unsure of what you are really asking here. No, I would not make it sooo easy for her with you making the first contact, that should be her work. Nothing has stopped her from e-mailing you, etc., so, I would say, time to be a big girl and take the risk,
Author Jay34 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 after not talking to her for nearly a week she gave me a call up after some text messaging, and basically told me how much she missed me and was thinking about me and asked if i was thinking about her, i held some of my feelings back, she said she wanted to give it another try at a relationship, she apologized for what she had done in the past few weeks and wanted to try to give it another shot and see me, we didn't quite get everything squared away and i'm wondering the best way to go about this, she called today and i gave her a call back but she had work to do, but for the time being if we are going to be back in a relationship should we talk, i mean for some reason we are having a discussion (my idea!) to see if we communicate until i see her, but i feel like we have to build things back up if its going to work and by not doing that we won't be able to build the relationship. im confused on what to do, but i figure theres no way to have a relationship if we don't talk, i mean it's long distance atm, and i know she wants to see me and i want to see her. i feel like if we get back on track and talk like we used to things will come back to normal, the only problem is at one point we were talking until 2-3 in the morning every night having to get up at 6 and i know we still need to have a life outside the relationship. any help appreciated thanks
verve Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 I think you'd be better off without her although judging from all your previor posts I'm assuming you'll get back with her and things swill revert back to how they was not long after.
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