Jay34 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 i had been with this girl for a year long distance, she had become distant lately, i had just visited her and she was giving me all kinds of mixed messages, but for the most part we had a good time, when i came back home she started to distance herself a bit and only called when it was convenient and rarely answered my calls, i told her i needed to talk to her and she avoided me 3 times, one time for 6 days, then the day before i decided to break up she told me she had kissed another guy a week before i visited and she was sorry, she said it only lasted 3 seconds and she pulled away because she realized how stupid it was, i told her i forgave her but she said i think you need to be done with me, later we agreed that she would call me after work to discuss things but she never called, i was sick of getting spit on and i changed all my myspace and facebook to single and deleted all our pictures, i had no way on contacting her, then this morning she messages me how im a jerk for deleting the pictures, i told her the day before she wanted me to do it and i just wanted to discuss things but she kept avoiding me and that i don't play games, she told me she couldn't have a relationship at the moment but she wanted to hold me close, she then diverted asking me if i was moving still (location closer to her), i said yes and then why and she made a comment of how im so willing to be done, i wished her good luck in the future with school and then said you should probably get back to work, she took that as an insult and told me fine why don't you just tell me to leave, i really didn't want to end it like this, i still have a lot of feelings for her but right now i couldn't be friends with her, is there anyway in the future we could rekindle something, i still care for her deeply and we have so much we enjoy together, i realize the reason she kissed the guy is because she didn't think i was going to see her again, but it is still no excuse, i had pushed her away for months, i still want something with her, but the communication would have to be better, what do i do!!
nopainnogain Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 i told her i needed to talk to her and she avoided me 3 times, one time for 6 days I hate that wishy washy crap. Waste of time ,move on. i told her i forgave her but she said i think you need to be done with me Classic. Same as ..."you deserve better than me" or "its me ,not you" Move on is there anyway in the future we could rekindle something Only if she calls you saying "I really screwed up.I cant believe I treated you like crap. Im so sorry" Anything short of this is BS. So stay NC and move on what do i do!! move on.
ioncebelieved Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 LDR really are a dead end!!! I went through that mess for almost two years and they will drive you crazy!!! You do not have the time to cover everything and you never know what they are up to. Let this be a learning experience for you! I had my experience more than once and I will never go out of my way for another LDR. Only way a LDR will even come close to working is if you decrease distance, hence one of you move to be with each other. Then there is still NO guarantee it will work. You may love this gal, but chances are you dodged a bullet!! Hell I still love my ex from long distance and would have moved for her. Take care and heal!
Author Jay34 Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 she changed all her myspace and put a new pic up, for some reason it made me so sad, i really don't want to move on yet, i know she didn't either but she didn't want a relationship. i miss her like crazy and i feel like the months of me not always being the nicest guy brought this on, but i never once kissed another girl. i want to rekindle something later down the line
D-Lish Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 LDR's are so emotionally taxing on the people involved. It's torture to be chronically seperated by distance. I dated somepne for quite some time who lived in Edmonton whie I live in Ontario. He always had this pattern of being wonderful and caring prior to a visit- then we'd spend a great couple days together and then as it came time to part, he'd go cold on me and push me away. I'd return home and he'd remain distant with me for a bit and then get all lovey dovey with me again after about a week. It just got to be too much. Both of us acknowledged that we had difficulty fully attaching to one another because of the distance. Things would have been different if we had lived in the same city- I am sure we would have had a much better chance of making a go of it. When you live so far away- it's just natural to have resentment over the distance. I'm sure both of you felt that. I think you both have to let it go for the time being. It just can't work given your distance problem.
Author Jay34 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 the only reason that im so unsure is because for 10 months i didn't even see the girl, we just talked online and through the phone, she wanted me to see her so bad but because of insecurities i didn't. i went out there because i thought things were going to fall apart, for months she would say i love you and i would say why that again and i didn't treat her well and i feel awful for that, i tried to make it up to her by seeing her and making a good time for her but it wasn't the same, i just want it to be the way it was, even though she kissed another guy i felt like i half drove her to it because i acted like i would never see her. i broke up because im pretty sure she didn't want me anymore or at the very least she was confused, we fell so hard for eachother and i really want one day to be with her again, is there any way to make this work
Author Jay34 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 she messaged me today that she loved me and was sorry for everything and called me babe, i don't know how to respond to this ?????
tinke Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 As hard as it is, it may be best NOT to respond at all for now. Give it time, give her time to FEEL the outcome. Go about your business and let her experience some of that disregard, that may be the only way that she can truly understand the effect it had on YOU. What to do? Do you want to continue a LDR? Can you trust her again? I had always believed in second chances, but I had learned in my experiences, if they were able to emotionally remove themselves without regard for me...they've proven it again and again. I myself, do not believe it is situational, but rather a flaw in their character. It takes a strong, commited person to tough it out through the hard times, if there is love. Plus, in my own case, I resent that there was never any form of discussion beforehand of dissatisfaction in the relationship. Did she give you this? Take your time, think it out, take your time, oh..and take your time. Remember, she left..so you really don't owe her the gratification of an instant response. You are in a position most here would love to be in, however, I am sure that once you are there...it isn't all that pleasant. hang on, keep posting.
nopainnogain Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 You are in a position most here would love to be in, however, I am sure that once you are there...it isn't all that pleasant. hang on, keep posting. I was in that position once. And I regret giving her the time or day. Thats my situation. I took her back and she burned me again. I dont know what your ex is capable of,only you do
Author Jay34 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Posted August 21, 2008 i'm not going to respond right away because i am still hurting, she is the one that told me i need to be done with her now she calls me babe and loves me, why all of a sudden, this behavior was so out of character and we actually did talk about relationship problems beforehand before she seemingly wanted to always work things out, she told me how much she loved me a week before she kissed a guy, and we both at the time didn't know where the relationship was going, i wasn't giving her much attention and she did actually tell me she needed to see me for awhile and we just never figured anything out, ever since she began hanging out with a new group of friends, she started coming home late and she called rarely so even though she said it was a kiss and it was over before it started she still wasn't showing very much interest in me, i am confused to say the least. she wouldn't even call me in the last 10 days b4 the breakup and its not like after she told me she kissed the guy that she wanted to work things out and that she was sorry it was that i need to be done with her. i want to forgive i really do
Author Jay34 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 the reason i want to give it one more shot in the future is we didn't have anything established, everything was established over the internet and i didn't see her when all she did was want me to see her, i realize this is no excuse but i should have never took a girl for granted. i can forgive one kiss, i realize she handled it very poorly but she gave me all the signals and i wouldn't listen, i should have seen her much sooner and i regret it so much, i really loved her with all my heart. can it ever go back to the way it was, we could talk forever, she said she distanced herself because she didnt think i would see her and i understand, i never took it seriously until it was too late, i want it to work and i love her but i don't want to look like a doormat.
Author Jay34 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Posted August 22, 2008 the fact is one day she said she didn't want a relationship, she isn't in the position to have one to messaging me she loves me, calling me babe and saying she's sorry, i don't understand it at all!, it is her birthday soon so i send her a card or anything ?
tinke Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Well, although sending a card may seem a light-hearted gesture to you, it also allows her all the frills and attention when not in a relationship. Those sentiments were part of the pkg. of being invested in the R., so why grant her this? Still, I say, why not do NOTHING, say NOTHING for awhile, take your time. IF she is truly interested and feels remorse, she will be around for awhile, and if not...then you will have a pretty strong clue of history repeating itself. Can I ask, why do YOU feel the need to do something here? She practically pushed you away from her, encouraged you to leave...she has learned that perhaps the grass isn't greener. So, there really isn't the NEED to rush with any response right now. You can just get a feel for your desires/needs, and see where you want to go with this.
Author Jay34 Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 yea thats a good idea, she did push me away for nearly a month and has been confusing me, so the best thing i can do is let her get her thoughts together, it still stings that she kissed another guy, but i'm willing to forgive but right now there is no relationship, so i won't send a card or anything. i feel bad for what i did in the past i guess thats why i still want to send her a card, but i also did a lot of nice things for her and was way too available for her, she wasn't as available for me, i just was shocked when she said i love you called me babe and said she was sorry for everything, i don't know if its guilt or maybe she really missed me, but all the mixed messages are driving me insane.
Author Jay34 Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 im just so pissed at myself for telling her i immediately said i forgave her, and was more interested in still saving the relationship, i feel like i lowered myself doing that, then after that she said she would call me and still didn't, and had the guts to call me a name when i removed her picture! i never said one mean thing, its just weird how she apologized and said she loved me so quick, does anyone get this?????
tinke Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Don't be hard on yourself for offering forgiveness and expressing your interest in saving the relationship, most women would be pleased to hear such communication. You said what you felt at the time. It still seems to me that she may have been addressing her interests elsewhere and when that fell through...she contacted you again, with a different tone. It speaks loudly that she is not a woman of her word...when in such a delicate situation, and someone says they will call, I for one, would hope to count on their word...out of respect, if nothing else. She may have been stretching out the time to get a feel for another? Regardless, out of respect for the past, she should have kept her word. She let you down! Now, what are your true feelings about a future relationship? You had stated that you forgive her for the kiss, however, you continue to make reference to it...so...will that be a constant on your mind? Will it resurface with trust issues?
Author Jay34 Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 she would really have to work to get my trust back, i am not sure right now what to think but i know at this moment she just wanted to be friends and it was too hard, she told me the reason she didn't call was because she didn't want to talk about things but for now she has lost all credibility at the moment, she is a bad communicator and iv tried to help her throughout the relationship with it, but the fact is it turned against me, i made a lot of mistakes and took her for granted, i want one more shot
Author Jay34 Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 she sent me another text telling me goodnight baby that she missed me and hoped i was doing ok. this is really screwing with me, i want her back but right now i haven't had time to forgive her yet and i still haven't gotten a damn call from her, i want to forgive but is it too soon, i don't want to wait too long though and not wish her a happy birthday
Author Jay34 Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 i am still not sure if she is sending me these messages to keep me on a string or if she really does miss me and all, but she always sends them late at night, its been 5 days since i last talked to her, i told her i couldn't be friends but i really want to wish her a happy birthday, its the fact that shes saying i love you i miss you and calling me baby which is confusing me, its not just like whats up
tinke Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Not really all that confusing...sounds like manipulation! If she keeps things on this note, she may feel you may believe them..like nothing has happened. What I do find strange, if she is secure enough to send messages, why not just call? She wants YOU to do the work. Really, if I truly regretted something and needed you to hear me out, nothing would stop me from an actual contact. I would at least attempt. As been said many times here, if they truly want to contact you...they know how. TOO MANY GAMES HERE.
Author Jay34 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 yea the fact she said she didn't want to call because it was hard for her to discuss things, and she didn't want to hurt me, so you think those messages are just to get a response out of me, she has a hard time letting go of people, the fact is we had both been in long relationships before and she had meant the world to me and i did to her, i don't want it to end like this
Author Jay34 Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 tonight she tried to make me feel bad telling me even if she did want to be with me that she couldnt reach me, then saying shes not good enough for a happy birthday, then telling me i hope you feel good because i feel like ****, then saying i know your there and then trying to send me a picture, lol does anyone understand this
tinke Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Yes...it's called manipulation (whether intentional or not).
Author Jay34 Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 yea i know its manipulation, but the fact is i still wanna give her a call and i could say what the hell are we doing and we could work things out, its so hard and i feel like crap not talking to her, i feel so close to her and i never want to lose that
Author Jay34 Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 tonight she messaged me again, i talked to her about everything (probably a big mistake) but pretty much how she spit in my face, and i told her how she couldn't do that and that i didn't want to play games, she explained that she just didn't want to talk at that time because she didn't know what to say and she apologized, after awhile we got talking about the relationship and she told me how she missed me and wanted to know how i was doing, we got into talking about if we were going to see each other and if it could work, and she said she wanted to come see me, i told her maybe we could give it a shot and we talked about could it work, we agreed not to talk for awhile as i told her. i feel a little bit better though she wasn't very emotional, though she rarely is. i feel like i don't want to put my heart in it though and see what happens from here and still let myself heal. i know i should have stayed NC!, i told her i still needed time for NC
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