katherinev87 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Ok, so here's the deal. I was out with my best friend two weekends ago, and we were having a great time together. I see this guy walk in the bar that seems familiar...it took a minute, but I recognized him from a job we used to work together last year (he looked a bit different)...and I had had a total crush on him at that time. I think he saw me too, and had the same recognition problem. Eventually we made eye contact, and he and his friend came over. We hung out all night after that...at the end of the night, I went out for a smoke and he came with me. We were chatting to each other and whatnot...and the bf/gf question came out. I told him I'm single (which I am), and I asked where his gf was (when we knew each other before, he had a gf)...he said 'she's not around anymore...she moved back to slave lake (where he's from)'. So that was that...we were about to go back into the bar..and he's like 'i really want to kiss you right now'. I figured I had got the green light from his having no gf, so i said ok, and I kissed him. I ended up driving him home, and we made out and talked in my car till really late...he told me that he had a big thing for me when we worked together, but had never made any moves. We had really good conversation, and both agreed that it was really cool and very random that we ran into each other. I thought it was really sweet that he didn't try to make a major move (sexually, I mean) on me or anything during the night...like wow, an actual nice guy. We exchanged phone numbers, and I went home after that. We texted off and on for the next two days, and everything was playful and fairly flirty. On the second day, my mum went to the place that he works (she knows him, by the way...she had a contract with the company while I worked there) to drop off a document or something, and she chatted to him for a while. She asked him how his gf was, and he told her that she's in slave lake for the summer, and a few details about her and whatnot. So.....apparently he's still with his gf. Hmm....I do recall asking specifically! Anyway...mum told me all this, and I was slightly pissed off but I figured I would never hear from him again after that. Well..the next day, he sent me a text 'did your mum tell you'. I responded 'yeah, she sure did'...so then he's like 'yeah, it was a really bad day'. I didn't ask what that was supposed to mean. So later, I sent him a text saying that I felt bad for what happened on the weekend, simply because I hated putting another girl (meaning his gf) in the position of being cheated on. Had I known that he was still with her, I would never have kissed him. Hence the reason I asked specifically! ergh! So then he's like 'it's really not a dating thing...she sees other people'. Since then,we've texted a few times, and I saw him once again at the pub. He kept coming and going...hanging around talking (perhaps even mildly flirting), and then going and hitting on other girls. At the end of that night...I ended up losing track of him, and I went home without saying bye or anything. I texted him the next morning...seeing if he got home ok, since he was quite drunk. I didn't get a response...but this morning I get a message saying 'Soo....' What the **** does all this mean? I mean...I like this guy....but he's on and off with me...flirting and then not. I don't know how to feel about this apparent 'open' relationship he has with his girl...whether it's bull**** or not. Advice please? I don't mind playing the game for a while either...see what happens. I'm single, so I've not got much to lose. What do y'all think?
Walk Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 He's playing you. He's got a gf. He never said he didn't have a gf, in fact he was actually honest about exactly where his gf was... he implied he was free to make a move on you. You took the bait, and he got to play. You specificallly wanted to know if he was single and free to date other women, and instead of him answering that No he wasn't, he made it sound as though the two of them had broken up. He twisted the truth to fit his needs. Is that the type of person you want in a SO? Even assuming that what he says about his gf is true, that she's dating others , do you want to get sucked into that situation? Will you be happy playing 2nd chair to a relationship that screwed up? Is he going to be mentally and emotionally in a place where he can offer you the type of companionship you deserve? Or is he going to be dealing off and on again with his gf, and all the drama from that? Side note: I don't believe him that those two have an "open" relationship. He would've used that to his advantage.. as in "I'm currently dating" or "She's in slave lake but we aren't exclusive anymore". Not just "She's in slave lake". He told you the truth the first time. His gf is at slave lake while he's there kissing other women. Would you rather wait to find a man who's honestly available, and mentally in a place where he could focus his attention on getting to know you better? What do you really want? What is best for you right now? Not, do you want to jump his bones?
Mako482 Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I don't know, I'm not sure it is all that. When your mom asked where his "girlfriend" was maybe he did not feel like getting into all the details and just said she moved back there, he knew who she was referring to and he already told you the night before she was gone. Maybe he assumed you talked to her already? Saying that, if he is still considered in a relationship with the other one at all I wouldn't sell yourself short. Do you want to be one of the "other people"? Be straight up with him and tell him what you want, if he doesn't respond well to it screw him. Not literally of course.
Author katherinev87 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 He's playing you. He's got a gf. He never said he didn't have a gf, in fact he was actually honest about exactly where his gf was... he implied he was free to make a move on you. You took the bait, and he got to play. Well.....that was blunt. But I think you hit the nail on the head....I guess I heard what I wanted to hear at that moment. I didn't want to seem creepy and push, or ask more than once. Now I know I should be more specific with my questions. So, if he keeps contacting me, what should I do?
Balthazar Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Well.....that was blunt. But I think you hit the nail on the head....I guess I heard what I wanted to hear at that moment. I didn't want to seem creepy and push, or ask more than once. Now I know I should be more specific with my questions. So, if he keeps contacting me, what should I do? This guy knows you like him, and he is smooth in that bad boy way. I think he is tripping exactly the right switches that turn you on. If you want an LTR you should bail, unless you are ok with some sex without commitment.(nothing wrong with that in my book!)
Author katherinev87 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 This guy knows you like him, and he is smooth in that bad boy way. I think he is tripping exactly the right switches that turn you on. If you want an LTR you should bail, unless you are ok with some sex without commitment.(nothing wrong with that in my book!) haha, you got that right....he's definitely smooth. My friend mentioned something...she said that guys get the impression that a girl want a relationship when the she asks if them about their relationship status. Personally...I have to ask...not because I want to start something necessarily, but because I've been the girl that's been cheated on, and I'd hate to put another girl in the position of being cheated on. More to the point...I'm not looking for a LTR at the moment. I wasn't that night either...I don't have a problem with casual sex on the side, but I have more integrity than to do it with someone whom I know is attached. Hence the reason I asked...albeit apparently not directly enough. If he got the impression that I was looking for something serious...I definitely didn't intend to give him that idea...
Balthazar Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Personally...I have to ask...not because I want to start something necessarily, but because I've been the girl that's been cheated on, and I'd hate to put another girl in the position of being cheated on. More to the point...I'm not looking for a LTR at the moment. I wasn't that night either...I don't have a problem with casual sex on the side, but I have more integrity than to do it with someone whom I know is attached. Hence the reason I asked...albeit apparently not directly enough. If he got the impression that I was looking for something serious...I definitely didn't intend to give him that idea... If he is ready to have sex with you, he has already had it with other people and will have it again. Point is, he is not very "attached" to this girl. There is a good chance he and she may not be exclusive as he claims is the case...
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2008 Posted August 20, 2008 He's playing you. He's got a gf. He never said he didn't have a gf, in fact he was actually honest about exactly where his gf was... he implied he was free to make a move on you. You took the bait, and he got to play. I was going to say the SAME EXACT THING. It's all in the details...
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