Kamille Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 While on vacation I turned my brain off and watched season 2 and 3 of the Hills. I have to admit I love the life of the rich, young and famous. But something struck me as really odd: I'm a brunette and broke, but I was horrified to see that I could draw parallels between my last two relationships and Heidi Montag's last two relationships. !!! Basically, it goes like this: my two exes were experts at telling me they were doing everything for me while also undermining my own achievements. Or, if they supported my achievements, they basically made it seem like it was thanks to them that I was successful. Also, my last two exes used the line : "I'm never a priority for you." "You don't love me enough..." or " you did this and it shows you don't love me enough..." all the time - that which Spence Bratt (sic intended) always does. And, they were experts at always making me question my own interpretations of events. They were also experts at making me feel like they had no interest in getting to know my friends. My ex ex in particular was threatened by friends who were too important in my life and would throw tantrums if I didn't pay enough attention to him (while the last ex would simply isolate me in a corner to make out with me). The worst part? I'm racking my brain to figure out how I got myself involved in those R and what I can do to change those patterns and I come up short. HELLLPPPP!
Nevermind Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 Mhh... Can you say more about the beginning of those two relationships? How did it start, how did you meet?
Author Kamille Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 Mhh... Can you say more about the beginning of those two relationships? How did it start, how did you meet? Ex ex: met through a friend. He had invited her to a party and she invited me. The party, I later found out, was at the house of a girl who had a boyfriend but was leading him on. He spent the whole night flirting with me (he made "loyal servant jokes") and sat by me all night. We found out we were neighbours while walking home. He asked me out, we went on a few dates, it was going well and then, when I was starting to really like him, he freaked out because I was planning on moving away the year after. I thought his concerns were legitimate but didn't agree with him that this meant we shouldn't get involved any further. We stayed together and moved in... within weeks of being together. Second bf: We met through work. He asked me out on a casual date, we hung out, had fun, nothing much happened and I then asked him out to an event where he was a bit too much all over me. We joked about PDAs, but on our next date he told me he didn't understand why I had a problem with PDAs, that I was basically uptight because of it. Something Spencer Pratt does all the time in his R: turn the tables on her and make it seems like she's the one who has a problem when he doesn't get what he wants/she doesn't behave how he wants. On our fifth date, he launched the exclusivity talk and within a month he had given me keys to his appartment and within three, asked me to move in with him. I considered it and refused because I felt like things were moving too fast, like I was having a hard time maintaining both my social life and my love life and that's when the problems began... Again, another parallel with Montag, who eventually moved in with her because he was putting so much pressure on her. My ex's thinking went something like this: " I know you're the one so I think we should be able to resolve our problems while living together." And, he reminded me how patient he was with me as I sorted through my need for space issues (while I was on here trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I had those space issues when I was with such a great guy who was so supportive of me...) I don't know what else might be relevant. There's a lot more to both relationships. I know it's silly to take a dysfunctional trash star couple to compare, but I have never seen a clearer example of the kind of dynamics I get into when I'm in a relationship.
trubella Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 the premiere last night was kewl. that show is like crack i swear. spencer sucks
Nevermind Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 When the guys behaved in a way that put you down, or made you question yourself...did you feel that they were wrong, or did you realize it later?
Author Kamille Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 the premiere last night was kewl. that show is like crack i swear. spencer sucks Thas show is crack! It's the most addictive show I've ever seen. I downloaded an episode on i-tunes and next thing I knew I was downloading the whole series. I loved Audrina's little "we'll never be friends" outburst last night. It was refreshingly blunt and honest. I hate Spencer which is why I'm horrified to recognize parts of my exes in him. I need to learn how to pick my men better and how to start relationships better. I need to figure out how I let those kinds of men into my life.
Author Kamille Posted August 19, 2008 Author Posted August 19, 2008 When the guys behaved in a way that put you down, or made you question yourself...did you feel that they were wrong, or did you realize it later? I would feel that they were wrong, argue with them and then it's when we would patch things up that the power balance seemed to totter in their favor. I have to go but I'll be back in a few hours with more details about how we would 'patch things up'.
Art_Critic Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I want to hear more about Heidi .. just kidding.. You need to watch less tv Kamille.. Introspection is good for the soul Kamille.. I think you are doing a good thing by pulling it apart and looking at what made your relationships tick...
trubella Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 I loved Audrina's little "we'll never be friends" outburst last night. It was refreshingly blunt and honest. I hate Spencer which is why I'm horrified to recognize parts of my exes in him. I need to learn how to pick my men better and how to start relationships better. I need to figure out how I let those kinds of men into my life. oh yeah i so wasnt expecting that from her but i loved it, mostly because lo sucks. she had the egg on her face look after that comment ::ppriceless:: you dated a spencer?you poor thing you.. i was really disgusted by how he treated heidis sister last night on the show. i also notice a pattern between him and heidi. he always knows how to push her right back into that crappy relationship they have. on and off deal. perfect example was the vegas show where he came after her. and like clockwork she looked past his douchebaggery and went back to him. he must have the golden d**k because theres no way id take a guy like him serious.
stefspets Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 While on vacation I turned my brain off and watched season 2 and 3 of the Hills. I have to admit I love the life of the rich, young and famous. But something struck me as really odd: I'm a brunette and broke, but I was horrified to see that I could draw parallels between my last two relationships and Heidi Montag's last two relationships. !!! Basically, it goes like this: my two exes were experts at telling me they were doing everything for me while also undermining my own achievements. Or, if they supported my achievements, they basically made it seem like it was thanks to them that I was successful. Also, my last two exes used the line : "I'm never a priority for you." "You don't love me enough..." or " you did this and it shows you don't love me enough..." all the time - that which Spence Bratt (sic intended) always does. And, they were experts at always making me question my own interpretations of events. They were also experts at making me feel like they had no interest in getting to know my friends. My ex ex in particular was threatened by friends who were too important in my life and would throw tantrums if I didn't pay enough attention to him (while the last ex would simply isolate me in a corner to make out with me). The worst part? I'm racking my brain to figure out how I got myself involved in those R and what I can do to change those patterns and I come up short. HELLLPPPP! My ex was exactly the same way. It was very frustrating! I felt like a crazy person in that relationship. Now that I'm out of it and in a new, healthy (I believe) relationship, I think the bottom line was simply recognizing what he did and how it affected me. If I identify the types of behaviours that I used to accept with my ex in my new relationship, I will not put up with it--it will be immediately discussed, and if the issue gets worse, I will walk. Maybe that's too simplistic, but I think if you know what you don't want it's a lot easier to avoid it!
Author Kamille Posted August 20, 2008 Author Posted August 20, 2008 Now that I'm out of it and in a new, healthy (I believe) relationship, I think the bottom line was simply recognizing what he did and how it affected me. If I identify the types of behaviours that I used to accept with my ex in my new relationship, I will not put up with it--it will be immediately discussed, and if the issue gets worse, I will walk. Maybe that's too simplistic, but I think if you know what you don't want it's a lot easier to avoid it! It does sound simple. Yet the last two men I fell in love with shared a lot of similarities on that front. What I don't want: someone who makes everything I do be about them. Someone who always needs more attention from me then I can give. You need to watch less tv Kamille.. I need to watch less trash tv. Ah well, semester starts soon, that should get me into work mode. I still can't really figure out how I could avoid getting myself in a third relationship like that. Hopefuly it's as simple as stefspets says it is and now that I'm aware what behaviours I don't like and why (because they're manipulative), I'll be better at avoiding them. and like clockwork she looked past his douchebaggery and went back to him. he must have the golden d**k because theres no way id take a guy like him serious. I know, yet that's what was scary: I feel like I can relate to how she got taken in (not that she's innocent mind you). It's the mix of someone making you feel like you are their princess, like they would do anything for you and then holding you accountable to the fact that they do so much for you and also how they make you 'ornamental' in a way. You're not their partner, you're their prize (not that I'm a looker or anything but in my last R, I often felt ornamental - like the only way the relationship could be great was if I let him make all the decisions.) Do you remember the episode when he goes to Colorado and she points out he didn't listen to her? I had the SAME thing happen to me the last time I saw my ex. He had a hard time really listening to me. I'll give myself a pat on the back for not going back to my exes when both of them tried. It's like it was always about their egos for those guys. I feel like I'm being unfair saying so but I guess I'm still angry at myself for some of the things I put up with.
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